You should at least own the fact that you did ---- why else would you have made a heroin analogy in reference to me watching the dog stating I was enabling him to go to by doing so as someone who would buy another heroin.
You could have easily said I was pain shopping by agreeing to watch the dog - okay... maybe you are right.
But you said I was enabling his trip to HI - like if I hadn't watched the dog he wouldn't be able to go OR if he did go to HI because someone else bought him "heroin" I would have clean hands.
If you could tell me 100% that you would refuse to have your D come stay with you because her mother was taking a trip out of town so that you were not enabling her mother to be able to go out of town then please stop referring me as enabling a heroin addict.
I see the dog as a beautiful living creature that I raised for the first 6mo of this life. Having him in my home is certainly a joy - perhaps bittersweet given the circumstance... BUT, I'm an empty nester and these two dogs are where my heart is currently. I will do anything for this dog even if it means breaking my own heart. I truly believe that you would have provided a safe place to stay for your D even though your heart might have broke a little because her mother was having away time with a new love. AND - I would never refer to the whole thing as you are supplying heroin to her mother.
^^^^It was a poor analogy. We all make mistakes but just own it rather than trying to act like you didn't do it.
KC, I didn't compare the dog to heroin. You are entitled to your opinion on analogy, but I feel you are nitpicking something to redirect the discussion. Dogs are not children. Some treat them as such, fine. However, I don't think you'd allow your EX to take FULL CUSTODY of a child either. Yet you did with the dog. Is the dog analoguous to child or isn't it? If it is then why the heck would a mother give up custody of their child?!? (See, two can play this game.)
Whatever, you don't like he is Hawaii with his mistress, but yet you agreed to watch the dog while he went. Can't have it both ways.
As for my D, who I do not equate to a dog, I would never have agreed to anything less than 50/50 custody to being with!!!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
P.S. I've obviously warn out my welcome in your threads. Please know I hope for nothing but the best for you in the future! I question if you will have the internal introspection to do what you need to do to get there, but I surely hope from the bottom of my heart that you do. That is my prayer for you KC. You've come quite a ways but sometimes the last few miles of a journey are the hardest. I hope you find the inner peace you seek.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
P.S. I've obviously warn out my welcome in your threads. Please know I hope for nothing but the best for you in the future! I question if you will have the internal introspection to do what you need to do to get there, but I surely hope from the bottom of my heart that you do. That is my prayer for you KC. You've come quite a ways but sometimes the last few miles of a journey are the hardest. I hope you find the inner peace you seek.
I know my thread is long - but I asked a year ago for shared custody of the dog.
The response was "how would that work" in an annoyed tone. AND, I get it. We live an hour apart. We both spent years schlepping kids from home to home an hour apart... its wears... ALOT. So why would we do this to a dog? So I understood his response and I did not have an answer. He reaction would have been to walk away from the dog all together and I was not at a place where I could devote to 2 dogs all the time.
THE COMPROMISE WAS - I would be the one to pet sit when he left town.
We were both honoring that agreement... in a modified shared custody way.
I have no doubt if there were kids involved the dog would have been going back and forth with the kids but that is not the case for us.
I've never said you've worn out your welcome on my thread - EVER.
I'm just saying you used a really poor analogy comparing petsitting for a shared dog to me giving STBXH heroin.
I weighed ALL the pros and cons when I had full custody of the dog what it would mean if I kept the dog or allowed STBXH to have the dog. It was NO EASY DECISION.
I would never truly compare a person to that of a dog... I was trying to make the point of comparing a dog to heroin... I think you get the jest of how inappropriate that was which was the point I was trying to make.
I'm not offended by most of what you write even when it comes across harshly but the analogy you presented was super far from the mark.
If I could give you any advice it would be to trust the process and grieve the loss of your marriage and know that the dark times do not last forever.
If the pup means that much to you then treat it like it is a child and get some sort of shred custody.
Steve doesn't always use the best analogies but he means well.
As I wrote earlier I had asked for shared custody a year ago.... but its a difficult thing to navigate and agreeing to let me pet sit when he was out of town was that compromise.
I'm doing my best to get through this mess. I have good days and bad and yesterday was a SH*TBAG of problems that just snowballed. Any one particular one would have been fine. 8 at the same time was a trainwreck.
I've already got someone trying to be a knight in shining armour and wants to come by the house to help with things... I'm just not ready to have someone like that at my house. He knows I'm only wanting friendship and I'm in no position to be dating right now.... He hopes by hanging around he gets to be in the number one position when I am ready to date... MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD.
Taking a deep breath and just going back into my house to hide.
KK, you put yourself in some awkward positions. This guy is hanging around, he knows you only want friendship, but clearly he doesn’t, and it makes you feel awkward. You must have shared all your problems and frustrations with him and how he wants to help, but you don’t want him too.
I don’t understand your deal? What do you expect?!? Or do you just like the attention?
A lot of what you do does not align with what you say .
KK, you put yourself in some awkward positions. This guy is hanging around, he knows you only want friendship, but clearly he doesn’t, and it makes you feel awkward. You must have shared all your problems and frustrations with him and how he wants to help, but you don’t want him too.
I don’t understand your deal? What do you expect?!? Or do you just like the attention?
A lot of what you do does not align with what you say . It looks like game playing from here.
* I had a ceiling repair estimate done at the beginning of the year and had not heard back about a start date... turns out the guy no longer works there and they no longer have an office in my town.... TEARS....
* Of course I just want to reach out to someone I know I'm not supposed to (NOT STBXH) and ask for recommedations on a person for ceiling work... UGH....
Hi KitCat,
Deep breaths.
First, I'm sending you prayers and wishing you a Happy Birthday. I'll take a sip in your honor this weekend. I hope you make yourself a nice dinner and a dessert and treat yourself because you are worth it.
Second, you don't need STXBH or "Someone I know I'm not supposed to". Challenges provide us opportunities to show who we are. Strong KitCat, a Woman Only A Fool Would Leave, can solve this without a rescuer. Use your search engine, yellow pages, any friends, any social media followers, and website for references or people seeking jobs. For things like, "A person to move furniture", popular home improvement stores often have day laborers outside. Be safe. Check references. We want KitCat safe and happy.
Thanks CW...
I'm trying to look at all my options. And, also trying to keep this in my budget...
Some days I think I'm going to take half of my settlement in the D and just blow it on a Hellcat!!!!!
KK, you put yourself in some awkward positions. This guy is hanging around, he knows you only want friendship, but clearly he doesn’t, and it makes you feel awkward. You must have shared all your problems and frustrations with him and how he wants to help, but you don’t want him too.
I don’t understand your deal? What do you expect?!? Or do you just like the attention?
A lot of what you do does not align with what you say .
He KNEW NOTHING of my situation. I've been very private. He did know that I was only separated and not D because I would not ever be dishonest. He talked so much during our dates that I didn't have the opportunity to say much of anything... LOL
We went out twice. And, then I said "hey, I'm realizing I should not be dating at this point and I'm going to take a time out until my D is final".
He asked to keep in touch and I didn't have a reason to say no. He keeps asking me out to do things and trying to make it friendly. I haven't actually gone out as friends at this point. I do no initiate contact but I will be friendly when he does ask to meet up or go out... I've been declining. He says he is not expecting anything and we are just friends.... IDK.
Last night in my exhausted frustration I mentioned the gutter issue and that my ceiling guy just disappeared... ONCE.
That was it.
This am I woke up to a text stating how he is in my area daily with a truck full of tools and he can fix nearly anything.
I then told him I really haven't had anyone at the house since my H left last year and I probably wasn't ready for that. Friends or not...
