Calm down. This too will pass! Nothing you posted above is the end of the world. If you don't get new carpet until your S comes home from college to help move furniture, would it be the end of the world?
There are a ton of online referral places (probably not supposed to put their links in here but think a female name list.com). That is just one, you don't need to reach out to "someone" to find a new contractor.
You being triggered by STBXH's HI trip (which you enabled be being oh so willing to dog sit) and his birthday are exactly the reasons why dating is such a horrendous idea. But you already know that.
If only there were professionals you could turn to when life gets overwhelming and you feel anxious...............
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The trigger was actually a work issue... everything else was just snowball effect.
The work issue should have been resolved in 10min... but its not... and that triggered a major anxiety issue and everything is just compounding a hundred fold.
I'm not currently dating. The guys I have gone out with previously know that I'm not looking for that right now and 2 are willing to just be friends and hang out from time to time.
Oh, and my birthday on Sunday is probably an additional trigger.
As for the puppy - if I hadn't agreed STBXH would have found someone else. Its super unlikely he would have cancelled a trip to HI because I would not watch the dog. FRACK... its been nice to the fella back. The only good part about this crappy day.
I know I won't die from this but its the weight of 100 elephants on my chest at the moment...
As for the puppy - if I hadn't agreed STBXH would have found someone else. Its super unlikely he would have cancelled a trip to HI because I would not watch the dog. FRACK... its been nice to the fella back. The only good part about this crappy day.
This is typical enabler logic. "If I hadn't provided the heroin he would have got it from somewhere else." Yep, but your hands would be clean.
I know you like the dog. I know you wish things were different. But you aren't going to change things by watching his dog for him while he takes a trip to Hawaii with OW.
Last edited by SteveLW; 03/31/2108:32 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
As for the puppy - if I hadn't agreed STBXH would have found someone else. Its super unlikely he would have cancelled a trip to HI because I would not watch the dog. FRACK... its been nice to the fella back. The only good part about this crappy day.
This is typical enabler logic. "If I hadn't provided the heroin he would have got it from somewhere else." Yep, but your hands would be clean.
I know you like the dog. I know you wish things were different. But you aren't going to change things by watching his dog for him while he takes a trip to Hawaii with OW.
I get it.... but its not heroin... its a dog... and one could argue what if it were a child? Do you compare a child to heroin???
STBXH was going to HI with OW.... I did not enable him to go. He was going. He was trying to honor his agreement when he took the dog that I would be the one to pet sit.
Sure, I could have made the puppy suffer at a dog kennel for 2 weeks - then by your definition my hands would be clean but would that be fair to the puppy???
Just know - I 100% did this for the dog. AND, I've relished every minute he's been here to the point I think I may change my phone number and not let STBXH have the dog back.... Ok, that's probably extreme but seriously if he never came back for the dog I would not be calling him about it.
I know how you feel about the house and everything that you need to have done. I went out and purchased those little saucers and the tool to life up furniture. Once I got them, I was able to move my furniture any where I wanted to place it.
As for the ceiling, I hope you aren't planning to put new carpet in there until it is repaired. Go to your local Home Depot or Lowes or any such home improvement places and ask for references. They usually have people that can assist you at a cost. In fact, the workers may know people who will do it on the side for you at a much lower rate. If you purchase your carpet from such places, they can install it for you. Home Depot was far cheaper than Lowes when my sister had her carpet installed and they did an excellent job. You can also google home improvement sites and you'll find what you are looking for.
As for the triggers, I truly understand that they can put you back on the roller coaster. Feel them, cry if you need to and then release those feelings. You will get stronger each and every time you face those triggers.
Breathe! Get your ceiling done first. Carpet can wait just a little bit longer.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
* I had a ceiling repair estimate done at the beginning of the year and had not heard back about a start date... turns out the guy no longer works there and they no longer have an office in my town.... TEARS....
* Of course I just want to reach out to someone I know I'm not supposed to (NOT STBXH) and ask for recommedations on a person for ceiling work... UGH....
Hi KitCat,
Deep breaths.
First, I'm sending you prayers and wishing you a Happy Birthday. I'll take a sip in your honor this weekend. I hope you make yourself a nice dinner and a dessert and treat yourself because you are worth it.
Second, you don't need STXBH or "Someone I know I'm not supposed to". Challenges provide us opportunities to show who we are. Strong KitCat, a Woman Only A Fool Would Leave, can solve this without a rescuer. Use your search engine, yellow pages, any friends, any social media followers, and website for references or people seeking jobs. For things like, "A person to move furniture", popular home improvement stores often have day laborers outside. Be safe. Check references. We want KitCat safe and happy.
As for the puppy - if I hadn't agreed STBXH would have found someone else. Its super unlikely he would have cancelled a trip to HI because I would not watch the dog. FRACK... its been nice to the fella back. The only good part about this crappy day.
This is typical enabler logic. "If I hadn't provided the heroin he would have got it from somewhere else." Yep, but your hands would be clean.
I know you like the dog. I know you wish things were different. But you aren't going to change things by watching his dog for him while he takes a trip to Hawaii with OW.
I get it.... but its not heroin... its a dog... and one could argue what if it were a child? Do you compare a child to heroin???
STBXH was going to HI with OW.... I did not enable him to go. He was going. He was trying to honor his agreement when he took the dog that I would be the one to pet sit.
Sure, I could have made the puppy suffer at a dog kennel for 2 weeks - then by your definition my hands would be clean but would that be fair to the puppy???
Just know - I 100% did this for the dog. AND, I've relished every minute he's been here to the point I think I may change my phone number and not let STBXH have the dog back.... Ok, that's probably extreme but seriously if he never came back for the dog I would not be calling him about it.
KC, your life, you get to make the decisions. Sorry if I upset you. I wasn't comparing the dog to heroin, I think deep down you know that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
As for the puppy - if I hadn't agreed STBXH would have found someone else. Its super unlikely he would have cancelled a trip to HI because I would not watch the dog. FRACK... its been nice to the fella back. The only good part about this crappy day.
This is typical enabler logic. "If I hadn't provided the heroin he would have got it from somewhere else." Yep, but your hands would be clean.
I know you like the dog. I know you wish things were different. But you aren't going to change things by watching his dog for him while he takes a trip to Hawaii with OW.
I get it.... but its not heroin... its a dog... and one could argue what if it were a child? Do you compare a child to heroin???
STBXH was going to HI with OW.... I did not enable him to go. He was going. He was trying to honor his agreement when he took the dog that I would be the one to pet sit.
Sure, I could have made the puppy suffer at a dog kennel for 2 weeks - then by your definition my hands would be clean but would that be fair to the puppy???
Just know - I 100% did this for the dog. AND, I've relished every minute he's been here to the point I think I may change my phone number and not let STBXH have the dog back.... Ok, that's probably extreme but seriously if he never came back for the dog I would not be calling him about it.
KC, your life, you get to make the decisions. Sorry if I upset you. I wasn't comparing the dog to heroin, I think deep down you know that.
You should at least own the fact that you did ---- why else would you have made a heroin analogy in reference to me watching the dog stating I was enabling him to go to by doing so as someone who would buy another heroin.
You could have easily said I was pain shopping by agreeing to watch the dog - okay... maybe you are right.
But you said I was enabling his trip to HI - like if I hadn't watched the dog he wouldn't be able to go OR if he did go to HI because someone else bought him "heroin" I would have clean hands.
If you could tell me 100% that you would refuse to have your D come stay with you because her mother was taking a trip out of town so that you were not enabling her mother to be able to go out of town then please stop referring me as enabling a heroin addict.
I see the dog as a beautiful living creature that I raised for the first 6mo of this life. Having him in my home is certainly a joy - perhaps bittersweet given the circumstance... BUT, I'm an empty nester and these two dogs are where my heart is currently. I will do anything for this dog even if it means breaking my own heart. I truly believe that you would have provided a safe place to stay for your D even though your heart might have broke a little because her mother was having away time with a new love. AND - I would never refer to the whole thing as you are supplying heroin to her mother.
^^^^It was a poor analogy. We all make mistakes but just own it rather than trying to act like you didn't do it.
My ex and I had to split our 2 dogs when we got divorced due to housing situations. Losing one of my dogs was devastating. So yes, I would watch the dog when the 3 of them or even the 2 of them took a trip. He was mine from start. And when they had to put him down last year, my ex called me to come over and say my goodbyes. I cried and held that dog. It was so hard. So I understand where you are coming from.
I do think you borrow lots of unnecessary pain otherwise. From a man who has caused you plenty of pain . Now you can free yourself of the pain, and you still chose not to. I honestly don’t know how someone deals with the abuse you suffered without IC. I think sometimes you don’t know how to live without the pain.
As far as the stuff on your plate..... it can be overwhelming at times, but you take everything one step at a time. Fight the immediate battles first, the other stuff can wait .
