Hi OnlyBent, thanks for checking in. Honestly not too much to report on my side, still haven't heard from WW in over a month and havent contacted her. Also no divorce papers yet.
Been keeping up to date with my podcasts and exercising, slacking a little on the reading and still leaning on my crutches too much. Also not really meeting new people as i mostly just do my own thing and the area i am in is very seasonal and quiet at the moment.
Took a look at your latest update, it sounds like you are doing nicely and its great that you are getting your confidence back. Anniversaries are always tough, i haven't gotten to mine yet but i can imagine it will be quite emotional when it does happen. It is just another day, but it will be difficult not to think back on memories and its also a reminder of what has happened and been lost.
Ace, this is a fantastic update. Good job on remaining NC, that is your best plan of action at the moment. And good job focusing on you in this update. I know GAL can seem like a struggle at times, but stick with it. GAL doesn't always mean hanging out with others, etc. It can also be a long drive listening to your favorite album! Or going to some form of entertainment, alone! I remember I had a buddy that would go to the movies alone back when we were young, and I would think "that has to be awful". The first time I went to a movie alone I absolutely loved it! So get creative.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sorry to hear about your sitch. I'll repeat what others said earlier, but the good news is you don't have kids with her. That'll make detaching and moving on much easier. Those of us with kids (especially young ones) have much more complicated situations and often times have to interact several times a week which doesn't help. Not that I'd ever take back my children, but at this point certainly wish they weren't from my W!
Go out, improve yourself, and live life. You're fairly young compared to many on this board. All the time in the world to meet new people (friends or more) and enjoy yourself. Maybe she'll come crawling back and maybe she won't...either way you can be happy.
Btw, some great quotes in your thread...
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
as I describe it, its like skating on ice and everything I did wrong in my STBXW's eyes thinned the ice, yet nothing I did could ever thicken it again. The ice was always doomed to crack...
Originally Posted by CWarrior
If you wanted a bank teller to give you $100 for free, they'd say no, and they wouldn't fight.
Originally Posted by LH19
Lucky for you that was the best thing that ever happened to you. You just don't know it yet.
Last edited by BL42; 03/03/2103:05 AM.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
SteveLW, i actually did go to the movies by myself years ago before i met stbxw and i didnt mind it that much. Have gone for dinner here alone and for a drink by myslef once or twice. Dont have anything to say to her really anymore except to ask if she has filed but there is no point in contacting her for that now, just using the time i have left being married to work on myself. I dont want to date or see other woman until the divorce is final but i probably need more time before im ready for that anyway.
BL42 yeah im definitely glad we didnt have any kids, i was at the point in my life where i was starting to want to have kids. I know im still young and there is alot of time left to figure things out and move on, things will start to come right it just takes time to move forward from this. I have no idea what the future holds, but everything will work out the way it is meant to and maybe one day i will realise that this is the best thing that ever happened to me but im not at that point yet.
OnlyBent i agree just got to focus on what i can control and do my best each day, there is nothing else to do at this point. SA is good, staying in one of the mowt beautiful places in the country so not too bad. Considering starting to learn how to surf again soon. You in Aus hey? I watch english pl and i am a Man Utd fan, and you?
Me 32, W 24 T 6, M 3 No kids BD: Aug 2020 OM: Jan 2021 Wife to file soon
WW just message me asking if im busy then tried to call me, i didnt respond or answer. Im having a braai with some family at the moment. Not sure what she wants but i doubt its anything good after not hearing from her in almost 6 weeks.
Me 32, W 24 T 6, M 3 No kids BD: Aug 2020 OM: Jan 2021 Wife to file soon
WW just message me asking if im busy then tried to call me, i didnt respond or answer. Im having a braai with some family at the moment. Not sure what she wants but i doubt its anything good after not hearing from her in almost 6 weeks.
Have her send you an email with the information so you can digest it and ignore it / respond rationally without hearing it off the cuff and reacting with emotions.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Hi BL42, so i ignored her last night but she messaged me this morning asking if she could call me after work and i said its fine. Spoke to her now, was weird to be honest.
She mentioned she got the divorce papers emailed to her now and if i would like to go through them together, i said no im fine whats the point. She said she is heartbroken and misses me and loves me and thinks about me everyday and she doesn't contact me because she doesnt want to make it harder for me. She also admitted some fault on her part for the breakdown of our marriage and said she hasnt moved on yet either and she doesnt have anyone in her life and is lonely. Her admitting fault on her part was quite a shock to me and she also mentioned she has been thinking of the good times lately, but she still thinks the space apart if for the best for us. I believe less than half of what she says,
I think she asked about going through the divorce papers together because she doesnt want to deal with it alone and she mentioned how much it is costing her and she is happy to cover it, i said this isnt my choice and i am not willing to help with the divorce but i will try be there for her if i can (i know thats a mistake, i just felt empathy for her). She cried pretty much the whole call of about 20 min, i didnt break once and i feel alot more detached than i did a few months ago.
Me 32, W 24 T 6, M 3 No kids BD: Aug 2020 OM: Jan 2021 Wife to file soon
She mentioned she got the divorce papers emailed to her now and if i would like to go through them together, i said no im fine whats the point.
Just send them to me when you complete them
Originally Posted by Ace_32
She said she is heartbroken and misses me and loves me and thinks about me everyday and she doesn't contact me because she doesnt want to make it harder for me. She also admitted some fault on her part for the breakdown of our marriage and said she hasnt moved on yet either and she doesnt have anyone in her life and is lonely. Her admitting fault on her part was quite a shock to me and she also mentioned she has been thinking of the good times lately, but she still thinks the space apart if for the best for us. I believe less than half of what she says,
Isn't she with your best friend or should I say your ex best friend?
Originally Posted by Ace_32
I think she asked about going through the divorce papers together because she doesnt want to deal with it alone
Ding ding ding we have a winner
Originally Posted by Ace_32
but i will try be there for her if i can (i know thats a mistake, i just felt empathy for her).
Big mistake. That's your NGS
Originally Posted by Ace_32
She cried pretty much the whole call of about 20 min.
guilt
Originally Posted by Ace_32
i didnt break once and i feel alot more detached than i did a few months ago.
Thanks LH, i did tell her to send me the divorce papers and i said i will go through them on the weekend. Will do that, sign and send back. The ball is is her court and i have no control,the first part of the call felt like she was trying to see how my situation is and if things are good here. Definitely felt like a temp check, i told her that im trying to move on and i have accepted her decision.
As far as i know she is seeing a friend of mine, but neither of them admitted it. He wasnt my best friend but was a close friend for about 2 years that we both worked with. I basically wrote both of them off when i suspected it, and me and him will most likely have more than words if i ever see him again.
I dont know why i feel empathy, i know all she has been through and i wasn't always there for her the way i should have. I actually used to think i was a bit of a sociopath and i didnt think i felt empathy for other people, but maybe that is something people like her have made me believe about myself.
It may be guilt but i think its more that she doesnt want to deal with all the admin and consequences of her decisions, i honestly dont know if she can feel true remorse or guilt for her actions except for how it affects her life. Maybe thats a bit if a cynical view but i have hardly ever seen her show true remorse for her actions.
Thanks, i definitely feel less than i used to and its progress. Think i have finally let go of my sense of control, which i never had but i thought i did to an extent.
Me 32, W 24 T 6, M 3 No kids BD: Aug 2020 OM: Jan 2021 Wife to file soon
I know it stinks what you are going through but you are really young and are lucky not to have kids with her. You do not want to go through this when you are in your 40s with two or three kids. Consider it a gift that she showed you who she really is now because she is unlikely to change. Not impossible but improbable.
