Journey of me and H part 3

[Eagle3]

Hi PLC,

I'm glad you at least told your closest relatives.
Now that your daughter is gone and she is the only one who knew about the situation, you at least have other people you can count on if things are getting tough. And of course you have us too.

Would H realize that you informed them? Presumably, and that certainly makes them think, seen the strange reactions.

Telling such things to someone, that is also the beginning of acceptance. Understandably, this was still very difficult for you as this is the first time you come out with this.

I must admit that my entire entourage of family and friends are aware. This is because we have a a huge social life and at a certain point I wanted to go through with the divorce.
However, I am at peace with this and I do not find it difficult to talk about this anymore.

However, this is a very personal thing, I am someone who wears my heart on my sleeve, you are probably more of a person who keeps things to herself.

At any case, you have to do what makes you feel good PLC.

Take care.

[PLC]

Hi Eagle,

I am typically very close with my feelings and what is going on in my life. H knows this. He probably expects this, especially after all of this time. If he thinks about what I am doing at all, telling my family is not one of them. I mean, he still hasn�t told his mom, so why would I tell my parents?

I still feel better having told the family. When the weekends came up and I did not want to go anywhere, I always felt weird when I stayed home and family did stuff. I preferred to not be around, because I didn�t want to make an excuse of why H was not there.

It definitely is a closer step to acceptance, and I truly did not realize that I had not accepted what has been happening over two years.

I continue to learn and work on me.

Thank you,

PLC

[PLC]

Hi Everyone,

I’m still here. D26 will Home in a few weeks. She has conquered Italy and needs to come home so she doesn’t hit 90 days.

H was somewhat chatty, not about us, but nice enough. He then said he needed to go to where OW2 is for a work estimate. He was shocked when I said, “I’m sure you’re excited to go” he said quickly, “why?” I explained, he was there for over three months straight and I’m sure he has friends he’d like to see at the plant he was at. Lol, I know what I meant.

So he left, was gone for 5 days, then came home and was gone on his annual trip with his dad and uncle. I did text him once during the family trip and he was very nice returning quickly a response. I discovered after his “business trip” that he and OW2 were no longer friends on social media. This lasted about 2 weeks. He has stopped chatting and he has ensconced himself in the other bedroom most afternoons.

I have been doing well. I am currently looking for a new job that is full time and where I can work from home. I am looking forward to being able to be mobile. This has been very good for me, as I have an exit plan. Writing everything down and working towards it is empowering. This exit plan can help if we stay together, as more income is always good!

I haven’t been on here as I was just moving forward. Thought I’d check in and see how my friends are doing.

PLC

[DnJ]

Hello PLC

It’s so nice to hear from you.

I do hope you find a full time job and can work from home. Glad your plan is fleshing out; and yes, working towards a goal is empowering.

Oftentimes our situations have prolonged periods of calm. That limbo is pretty unchanging and thankfully drama-free. Nice to hear you’re doing fine, and looking and living forward.


Regarding checking in on your friends here. I’m doing well. I’ve posted quite a bit and no need to rehash that here. Let’s see, something new about my life. Hmmmm. Lol.

So today I went out for lunch with my buddy from work. We took my work van. He hopped in the passenger seat and we headed off for our pretty much weekly steak sandwich meal. Oh, it is sooooo good! A nice steak on toast, with fries and gray, a beef barley soup, and a side of fried battered mushrooms.

While driving and in the midst of conversation, my buddy yelped mid sentence. He started grabbing at his shirt. I asked what was wrong and he didn’t know. He was hurt. Here were are, around 5 minutes down the road, in a van, windows closed, air conditioning on, just moseying through the traffic and OUCH!

He scrambled for a minute. I ask if I need to pull over. He is trying to look at his own collar bone area. My work van doesn’t have window visor vanity mirrors so I tell him to show me where it hurts. He pulls his shirt down a bit and there is a bite or sting mark. He figured as much.

He fumbles with his shirt wondering where the stupid bug, which must have gotten squished what is now three minutes ago, is at. Then buzz!!! Ahhhhhhhh! An angry wasp flies out from under his shirt and is buzzing around the closed in cab. OMG. I hate wasp and bee stings.

The anger little guy is ripping around and diving at us. Our work shirts are bright blaze orange which probably looks inviting.

We get the windows down and work on getting the insect outside. All while in traffic and not crashing. Lol. Gosh, I hope I don’t get reported. Haha.

Finally, the little guy gets to the outside side of the van and we close the windows again. My buddy and I laughed quite a bit. Although he felt this for a couple hour into the afternoon.



D

[Eagle3]

I discovered after his “business trip” that he and OW2 were no longer friends on social media.PLC

Haha, how similar again. Found out exactly the same thing this week.

I have been doing well. I am currently looking for a new job that is full time and where I can work from home. I am looking forward to being able to be mobile. This has been very good for me, as I have an exit plan. Writing everything down and working towards it is empowering. This exit plan can help if we stay together, as more income is always good! PLC

Good to hear you are doing so well! Do you have some support from family members now, since you told them a bit more in regards to your situation?

[PLC]

Hi Eagle and DNJ,

I am sorry it took a bit to get back to you both.

First D, if I got stung by a wasp I don’t think I would be as calm as your friend! If I as the driver, I definitely would crash. Glad you both were ok.

Eagle, I do feel a lot of relief in telling my family and MIL. My dad has told me in the times, he brings it up, that whatever I want, he and my mom support me. My sister has told me she’s there for me. My MIL is so upset thinking she caused this, I have tried to tell her, this is all him. She has told me she wants to travel with me to see my daughter in Europe and if I am in a mobile job, I can stay there for a while. I get along with her just fine, and we could travel easily.

As for H, he finally told his mom that he and I “were not getting along.” She asked what happened, (she did not tell him she knew, as she wanted him to tell her) and he told her that we “grew apart” he also told her he was happy with how things are at home. He did not mention any other women. (Big surprise)

I really am focused on my future, sometimes it seems ridiculous that it took me so long to make a plan, but I was not ready before. H is still aloof and won’t eat with us and leaves me alone. I’m used to it now. I will say he still will take my car to get it filled up and get it washed. Last weekend I told him I didn’t need it, and during the week he asked for my keys and took care of it before this past weekend. So I know that there is still some courtesy that he extends.

It makes me wonder, how come he told his mom he’s fine with how things are. Is he biding his time until something better? Or is he, according to my therapist, unwilling to initiate divorce? His mom point blank asked if he had seen an attorney and he told her no.

The thing is, all of my ducks will be in a row, then once I take that step, I’m gone. I know he doesn’t think this, so it will be a shock. Oh well.

I hope things are well for both of you!

PLC

[DnJ]

Hello PLC

My poor friend, he had a welt from that wasp bite for a couple of weeks.

It is good to see you focusing and considering your future. It was not ridiculous the length of time for you to get to that point. We all take the time we need. Keep being patient and ensure you make wise choices and decisions. You still have the gift of time, use it well.

It is interesting H finally telling his Mom. And of course no surprise it’s his version of things.

It makes me wonder, how come he told his mom he’s fine with how things are. Is he biding his time until something better? Or is he, according to my therapist, unwilling to initiate divorce? His mom point blank asked if he had seen an attorney and he told her no.

Now that is interesting. I don’t think H is lying about not seeing a lawyer. Oh my goodness, why am I using such double negatives. Lol.

I think H is telling the truth, he hasn’t seen a lawyer. Mom’s sudden forward question would have most likely caught him off guard and he’d not be ready to utilize a planned fib.

Is he biding his time? Maybe. Waiting for something better? I don’t think so. Is he unwilling to initiate a divorce? I think this is a yes.

I think H is biding his time. Perhaps not for another relationship or partner. He wants clarity. I think he sees (at times) how messed up things are for him. He is just slowly walking his path. And these poor souls walk at a glacier pace.

I understand how it is still confusing. H doesn’t eat with you. He is aloft. And yet he washes and fills your car. I’ve kind of wondered if one of, or even his primary love language might have been acts of service. I find something almost there with his continual looking after your car, and by extension maybe you, sort of. Weird I know. Well irrational really.

Anyhow, with all your ducks getting lined up, what do you want to do? What beliefs and convictions do you want to enact and live by?

I believe it best to ask the hard questions and find the answers before one takes that step.

D

[PLC]

Hi Dnj,

I really did not know anything about love languages until this happened. Looking at how he was, I think acts of service is how he shows love. In fact, when he found out D was coming home a couple of weeks ago, he went and took her car to get washed and filled up (sound familiar?) so she’d have a clean car to come home to.

Therapy for me was today and I asked my therapist why if he’s living on his own here and really as a roommate I would barely see, why is the car something? She said he likes continuing the facade of the status quo. I think it’s silly, but if it makes him pretend he hasn’t imploded our marriage, whatever.

With gathering my ducks, let’s see, I’d like to be self sufficient, the job search will help with that. I would like to continue my drive to be a person I personally enjoy. Live honest and be a hard worker for myself. I want to set an example for others on how to do this.

I have always been someone’s someone. A wife, a mom, an employee. I want to be me. If someone wants to come along, (I’m hoping H) great. If not I owe myself this chance.

In a couple of weeks, a new museum opens in LA, I got tickets for a preview and I am super excited to go. I also bought tickets for a concert at Halloween. I have missed every year it happens, and last year it was skipped and this time, I heard about it in time to get good seats. H would love it. But, I know, based on my IC, he can’t enjoy himself. He’s really not happy and how could he even have a touch of fun with me? The thought of this makes me sad, but more for the situation, not for me. I know I am dropping the rope more each day.

Anyway, everyday I am excited to see what’s in store.

PLC

[Eagle3]

Dear PLC,

Nice to read that you are doing well, your message actually made me smile!

Apparently you are really detached from H, so now is the time to enjoy life again to the fullest, and plan some activities that you used to enjoy.
(I suppose reaching the end of the quarantine also has something to do with it ;))

And tell us all about your museum visit!

((((PLC))))

[DnJ]

Hello PLC

Checking out a new museum sounds like a pretty good excursion. And scoring some good seats for a concert for Halloween. Have a great time!

I would like to continue my drive to be a person I personally enjoy. Live honest and be a hard worker for myself. I want to set an example for others on how to do this.

Excellent goals and headings. Very fine convictions to live by.

It’s pretty nice when the future is exciting again. Isn’t it?

D