Mr. Brightside has posted exactly what I've been thinking for quite some time. I have noticed that she does not always respond to those who post to her and I often wonder if it's because she doesn't want to read and take in what posters have said or is she just seeking the attention of others because the thrill of attention gives her that "boost" she needs to carry on.
KitKat, if you are truly interested in healing, listen to what the posters have been advising you to do for 28 threads and do the hard work. Once you have faced your own demons and worked on those things that you know you need to repair within yourself, then move forward and begin dating. Right now, I think you are using dating as a band-aid to soothe your hurt soul. Unfortunately, this will only work for a period of time and like addicts, you will need to continue seeking that next emotional fix. Step back, work on yourself and when you are more content w/the person you have become, then date.
If you truly wanted your H back, you wouldn't be out there dating...of course, unless you are using dating as a way to try to wake him up and have him running back to you. It's not going to work because he may very well know what you are doing. In fact, your dating is giving him the sign that you are okay w/what he's doing. Don't give him a pass on what he is doing. Don't stoop to his level. Heal thyself and when the divorce is over and done with, then you will be truly ready to begin a new relationship and will find a man who is truly worthy of you.
Try to remember that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. The results will not change until you make the changes within.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Right now, I think you are using dating as a band-aid to soothe your hurt soul. Unfortunately, this will only work for a period of time and like addicts, you will need to continue seeking that next emotional fix. Step back, work on yourself and when you are more content w/the person you have become, then date.
I think this is proven in her latest post. KC, you seem to get your self-worth from the male attention. "Men keep sending flowers to my office!" "One guy has sent me flowers to the office 2 times!" Etc.
To be honest, my first thought was "WHY do these men know where your office is after 2-3 dates??" I don't know, and I admit I am not a very trusting individual, but that seems awfully early in meeting people from the internet for them to know where you spend your days, and if they know where live, where you spend your nights. And to job's point if your goal is for STBXH bringing puppy in for an appointment (since you continue to refuse the advice for him to find another vet!) and seeing all of the flowers OM are sending you, then after all this time and all these threads you still do not get DBing. At all.
I also wonder what your son thinks of this parade of guys you have marching in and out of your life? I know if my mom and dad D'd and my mom was internet dating strangers from the internet at the rate that you are, I would be extremely concerned for her well-being and safety! Your son has been through so much, worrying about his mom and meeting so many men he cannot trust (why would he with his dad and your STBXH's behavior?) is just another trauma he is having to face.
And if you come back and say that he doesn't know, that bothers me even more! That these men know so much about you in such a short amount of time, and the people closest to you aren't aware, that is SCARY.
Anyway, just some observations. It is your life, but I am just afraid you are going to look back one day with some major regrets.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
To be honest, my first thought was "WHY do these men know where your office is after 2-3 dates??" I don't know, and I admit I am not a very trusting individual, but that seems awfully early in meeting people from the internet for them to know where you spend your days, and if they know where live, where you spend your nights. And to job's point if your goal is for STBXH bringing puppy in for an appointment (since you continue to refuse the advice for him to find another vet!) and seeing all of the flowers OM are sending you, then after all this time and all these threads you still do not get DBing. At all.
My name in INCREDIBLY unique... even if you just had my first name and knew my profession you can find me in 60sec on a google search. You have my first and last name which is also incredibly unique... you'll find me in 10sec.
Sorry that my emotions are great one day and not the next. I'm an extreme introvert with a side of impulsiveness.
I don't know what I want some days. I know the the horrible things that happened in my M as I lived them. S19 hates him for what he did... but frankly, I'm not seeing that guy when we do interact. So it gets confusing.
I'm allowed to grow and change but he is not??? He completely stopped online gaming. That took up a huge chunk of what time he did have at the house. Are his changes getting my attention??? Do I get confused reconciling who he was with this current person??? I do. I'm human. Curiosity is normal.
I thought I was ready to move on date and have a great life. Its been a LONG time since I've dated and things are just a bit crazy out here.
I realize I can run from one extreme to the other - that's just my mind and my thought process.
Hi KitCat, sending hugs and good vibes your way! It sounds like your plans for Valentine's Day fell through. That has to be a bummer. I hope you treat yourself to a nice dinner and a movie.
I would love to see your response to wayfarer when you have time.
Most days, I try to mix the fun, and the tough questions!
Originally Posted by Steve85
To be honest, my first thought was "WHY do these men know where your office is after 2-3 dates??"
Originally Posted by KitCat
My name in INCREDIBLY unique... even if you just had my first name and knew my profession you can find me in 60sec on a google search.
A logistical dilemma! What about a nickname? E.g., "Genevive" can become "Jenny". I sometimes obscure my first name similarly. People I met online and dated a couple of times don't typically know my last name, workplace, job title, or home address. That's needed when we go places more private or get more intimate. Do they need to know you are a veterinarian, or "I help animals. I work in a veterinarian's office" is enough at the beginning to give them an impression of what you do and are passionate about? It might also help screen out people who are interested more in your income than your kindness and compassion.
Hi KitCat, sending hugs and good vibes your way! It sounds like your plans for Valentine's Day fell through. That has to be a bummer. I hope you treat yourself to a nice dinner and a movie.
I would love to see your response to wayfarer when you have time.
Most days, I try to mix the fun, and the tough questions!
Originally Posted by Steve85
To be honest, my first thought was "WHY do these men know where your office is after 2-3 dates??"
Originally Posted by KitCat
My name in INCREDIBLY unique... even if you just had my first name and knew my profession you can find me in 60sec on a google search.
A logistical dilemma! What about a nickname? E.g., "Genevive" can become "Jenny". I sometimes obscure my first name similarly. People I met online and dated a couple of times don't typically know my last name, workplace, job title, or home address. That's needed when we go places more private or get more intimate. Do they need to know you are a veterinarian, or "I help animals. I work in a veterinarian's office" is enough at the beginning to give them an impression of what you do and are passionate about? It might also help screen out people who are interested more in your income than your kindness and compassion.
Thanks - I have shortened my name... but there are 9 people in my town that do what I do.... Additionally when out on a date and you say "you work with animals"... they continue to ask questions... so then I'm rude and dismissive because I'm being evasive about what I do.
Been there... done that...
I know 100% certainty that neither of these men knew my last name. I don't disclose it. You can pull up every vet clinic in town (cause there is 5 of them) and in 15min find me. Got to love the WWW.
I worry that responding to KC's posts are reinforcing her unhealthy behaviors. I know we are all here to help but am concerned that we're actually doing more harm than not.
KC, I wish you well and hope you're able to break yourself out of these unhealthy cycles and heal.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
I hope you treat yourself to a nice dinner and a movie.