I understand, a state of mind rather than a physical thing. I feel I am detaching and what happened later today kinda shows I am... I think.
W started a text chat on houses today and asked which ones was I looking at as she saw me on my phone looking at them.
Just said all sorts. She asked do I know what I can afford, I said "yes". Asked if she was looking, she replied "Not properly, don't know what I can afford. Have to work out how things will work. Can't see a future together, there is no love or affection between us, don't think I can make you happy."
ME- So your saying that you don't think you can make me happy.
W - You will be happier without me
ME - Ok. Be interested to know why you think that?
W- Who would be happy in a loveless marriage!
ME -I can see why you would say that, but that's why my preferred option is to work on the marriage.
After that exchange I feel indifferent to her and it does not bother me, plus I kind of kept it short and sweet, so for me a good step in detaching and not being tied in emotionally to the convo.
Well, it think but you vets may have another view...lol.
No contact since.
Cheers.
Too many words here. Try something like this next time.
ME- So you feel you can't make me happy. (Validation of her feelings.)
W - You will be happier without me
ME - It isn't your job to make me happy, that is my job. (Simple statement of fact.)
W- Who would be happy in a loveless marriage!
ME - I understand you feel that we have a loveless marriage. (Validation of her feelings.)
You aren't detached. You took the opportunity to ask her WHY she feels a certain way. That isn't important. It is the way she feels. Then you restated your preference of working on the marriage. Ask yourself, what would the rough count be for the number of times you've stated to her since BD that you would prefer to work on the marriage, in all its various forms? She already knows that, no need to continue to reiterate it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Last edited by job; 02/16/2109:22 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
