New Beginnings Pt 3

[CanBird]

We talked. Still working out details. Positive note: We are talking about the same outcome; me keeping the house.
Just a matter of agreeing. Almost there.

[AndrewP]

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[kml]

Yeah! I imagine his mother's presence is having a leavening effect. Keep it to all business, keep your emotions out of it.

[DnJ]

Andrew, that’s one big duck. Lol

[CanBird]

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lol.... love this.. thank you Andrew

[CanBird]

Yeah! I imagine his mother's presence is having a leavening effect. Keep it to all business, keep your emotions out of it.

Hi kml... I know his mother being there is of great joy for D4. And it helps him out. As far as it shifting his attitude?

MLC/WAS I just want this over, but I'm not done yet. Just tired.

[CanBird]

I've been a wreck. I am up & down. Just when I think I know which duck is the real one, a decoy pops up. Looking forward to Rabbit season.

I am thankful for the support of others. (booking my next therapy session after I post). I am that friend who is on the phone at all hours, trying to get through the moment. I don't have the luxury of having my mother here. I am thankful that my sweet D4 is able to make memories with her dad & gma.

He walks beside me so nicely, he pushes , I fall. His hands never touch me, his words do it all.
I'm still in the struggle, I'm trying to swim. Sometimes I tread water, not knowing where to begin.
As I think of the memories I'm making right now, they are more of a nightmare, but strength I have found.
When I look back and remember this fight of all fights, I'll remember I cried, and I got up because I'm a brave she knight. And we fight the good fights.

*This is for you D4*

[Traveler]

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[kml]

Don't get sucked in to the emotions. He's basically leaving you to be a solo parent, so you are not asking for anything unusual as far as finances go. He's probably throwing in obstacles because he, on some level, still wants to keep you as plan B. Or else, is just "shocked" that the Zipless Divorce (see Erica Jong Fear of Flying if you don't get the reference) turns out to be complicated and involve boring paperwork.

[DnJ]

Hello Can

(((Hugs)))

kml is correct, there is quite a pull from the emotional vortex.

You hit the nail square on the head. This is a fight!

But: Who is the opponent? How does one win?

We are our own opponent. This is a battle within ourselves. Yes, our spouse and situation influences our emotions; yet we are not weaponless against the onslaught. We use our most strongest and valuable weapons - our mental assertiveness. Our sword and shield.

With our sharp keen sword of logic and reason we cleave from our spouse’s emotions and actions. We see and understand their driven need to behave in such an irrational manner, and realize that which we truly and only can control - ourselves.

Our bright polished shield of mental strength protects us and deflects those hurtful words and blameful projections. The broad armour of our rational reasoned mind understands that this is about the person in crisis, and their blame is them running from facing their pain.

Together, sword and shield, our mental assertiveness serves us and allows us to find peace and detachment.

To battle, one must realize their true opponent. And we win this fight in the oddest of ways, when we actually stop attacking head on. In effect, to stop fighting, and start accepting. Brute force begets more force. Instead, our sword is incredible sharp and much better utilized with subtle precision. Wildly swinging only tires us out. Logically and rationally cutting that which needs cutting works towards one’s goals. That, not only conserves one’s strength, it minimizes damage. Detachment, it is a rather elegant and sideways strategy.

The fight is with our emotional responses and our own reinforcements to the actual and perceived triggers.

This is the good fight. No doubt about it!

Of course, the best fights to fight are those that shift and alter us within.

I mentioned before how we are all prisoner and jailer in our prisons of fear. Within us we hold the keys to our own freedom, and that is most definitely worth fighting for.

Stay strong. You got this.

D