What shall I do? 1. Go to the coffee and tell her all the things we discussed. Don't want to be a friend and if that is what she wants I don't want to see her until she changes her mind (not sure how to formulate that better to be less direct). 2. Just send her a text or voice message explaining the same without going for the coffee.
1. Be busy Sunday. When she tries to confirm meeting, simply respond "I am busy Sunday." If she doesn't confirm I would even advocate not showing up. At this point you do not owe her anything.
2. See #1. #2 breaks the rules of NC engagement. Get out of the that mindset. Nice guys finish last. Stop trying to nice her back.
So I disagree with Steve here. Because you have agreed to being friends you can't just ignore her and act petty. State what you want and what you will not tolerate once and then act accordingly.
I’m a woman and think his teachings are very classless and misogynistic .
But that’s just coming from me, a woman. The men who follow him thinks he’s a god .
I am not a fan. While I do believe that woman are biologically attracted to alpha males (you can't fight biology) I do not like his focus on bedding a woman. "All dates should end in sex." Yeah....no.
His book does not focus on bedding women its about self improvement. Never once does he state all dates should end in sex. Last I checked the woman has the final say on whether sex happens or not.
So I disagree with Steve here. Because you have agreed to being friends you can't just ignore her and act petty. State what you want and what you will not tolerate once and then act accordingly.
That makes sense. So I still wait for her to confirm the meeting (she only sent a voice message yesterday stating that she would want to meet on Sun)? If she does not reach out again I stay silent for now, otherwise I agree and then bring my case in a calm and understanding manner?
That makes sense. So I still wait for her to confirm the meeting (she only sent a voice message yesterday stating that she would want to meet on Sun)? If she does not reach out again I stay silent for now, otherwise I agree and then bring my case in a calm and understanding manner?
If you don't hear from her you stay silent forever. It's not a case. It's a one line boundary.
"“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith"
Everything you are doing, considering doing, saying, considering saying is all CHASING her. Until you stop chasing her, go do your own thing and work hard, you will never know for sure if she comes back to stay or not.
STOP CHASING.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That makes sense. So I still wait for her to confirm the meeting (she only sent a voice message yesterday stating that she would want to meet on Sun)? If she does not reach out again I stay silent for now, otherwise I agree and then bring my case in a calm and understanding manner?
If you don't hear from her you stay silent forever. It's not a case. It's a one line boundary.
The thing is I haven't told her yet that I need space. And she sent a voice message 2 days ago suggesting we meet on Sun and giving 2 options of which I should choose one. So I don't think I am chasing in such case am I Because you say I should wait until she reaches out a 2nd time right while also saying I should not be petty as I have agreed to be friends until now.
If she reaches out, the more succinct your reply, the better. "I'm not coming Sunday. I decided 'just friends' doesn't work for me." This communicates Sunday is a no-go, just friends is a no go, and you get this is a change. Avoid watering down your message with justifications or soothing words. Avoid future predictions that set you up for failure. LBS often talky-talky too much when less is more.
Alright, she texted me now: "Morning!! Would you like to take a coffee on Sunday afternoon"
I am between either saying yes and then communicate what I want on Sun (as LH19 suggested) or to just say that I would like to have some space this week and we can do the talk next weekend instead. Am planning to work with some relationship coaches during the week so might be a bit better prepared for the conversation by then. What do you think?
“I’ve thought about it and being friends with you doesn’t work for me. I accept that you don’t want to be in a relationship with me. Call me if you change your mind and we can discuss where we are at then. “
No need to prolong it.
No need for a relationship coach. (Waste of money right now).
Straight to the point stating you are only interested in being lovers.
Time and space are the only things that will turn this around.
You cannot not do or say anything to change this right now.
