Well, when I found out about the OM, I actually felt better about myself in a weird way because it made me realize that she's messed up, that the marriage falling apart was not about me. I'm not perfect, but put my family first. Right now her needs are first, and everybody else's are way behind.
My IC thinks that W has low self esteem/high ego. She gets a lot of compliments on her work our family, her looks, etc. The one place she fell short was admin stuff, paying bills, following up with vet, things like that. And I was critical of her about that because I always his to pick u the slack, and resentment built on both are parts.
IC told me high Ego people cannot be wrong, always have to be right. Well in 27 years my W has tld me she's sorry or wrong twice. Thats not an exaggeration. Twice in 27 years. Kids were teasing her a whie ago because she was clearly wrong about something and could not even admit it to them.
And here's one I feel guilty about. About 25 years ago, W wrecked new to us car, completely her fault. When I got home she told me about it and I ws pretty cool about it but of course was not happy. So instad of her saying"Nick, I wrecked the car, it was my fault, Im sorry" She performed oral sex on me. I felt bad about it at the time and should has stopped because she was degrading herself but I didnt. So even with whats going on today and her abusive behavior, I stil feel bad about it.
And just the other day STBXW gave the one credit card in my name that just came in on her account? WTF. We are disentangling, separatig finances. Why would you give me credit card for your account? I cut up all the credit cards in my account with her name on it.
Nothing for her has changed and won't until the papers are filed and I move out. Some of the finer points of the split haven't been nailed down yet, so any info i can glean miight put me in a better negotiating point.
Some of the vets called that the pre divorce talk she had with kids as her way to up game with OM. I think resulted in the NYE "trip" which I think was just some shack job.
Oh, and she and D21 are planinng on painting D21s room purple this summer, except we are selling in the fall.
Can they all be this mixed up? She BD me in June, I find about OM in October, we have the pre divorce talk in December, and now the lets file talk in Jan.
Ive asked her repeatedly to move out, and she has the money to do so. According to her, she is getting an aprtment in September, why not move out now. The only thing can think of is she does not want to be the bad guy, the person that moved out. IS OM promising to leave his wife for her? Won't my kids pick up on that there is a new guy in town pretty quick?
W's relationship with kids is good, business is taking off, romantic life seems to be fulfilling,
And JoesphS said this to Steven in another thread
SHE.DOES.CARE.ABOUT.YOU. I'm not quite there by but I'm approaching.The three weeks NC were liberating. After we file I might see her 10 times in my life and Im fine with that
And just the other day STBXW gave the one credit card in my name that just came in on her account? WTF. We are disentangling, separatig finances. Why would you give me credit card for your account? I cut up all the credit cards in my account with her name on it.
Don't waste an ounce of energy trying to figure out a WW.
Originally Posted by NickWing
Nothing for her has changed and won't until the papers are filed and I move out. Some of the finer points of the split haven't been nailed down yet, so any info i can glean miight put me in a better negotiating point.
What kind of info are you looking for. How will this help you negotiate?
Originally Posted by NickWing
Some of the vets called that the pre divorce talk she had with kids as her way to up game with OM. I think resulted in the NYE "trip" which I think was just some shack job.
ok sooooooo.????????????
Originally Posted by NickWing
Oh, and she and D21 are planinng on painting D21s room purple this summer, except we are selling in the fall.
Well hopefully that helps you get more money for it.
Originally Posted by NickWing
Can they all be this mixed up? She BD me in June, I find about OM in October, we have the pre divorce talk in December, and now the lets file talk in Jan.
YES!
Originally Posted by NickWing
Ive asked her repeatedly to move out, and she has the money to do so. According to her, she is getting an aprtment in September, why not move out now. The only thing can think of is she does not want to be the bad guy, the person that moved out. IS OM promising to leave his wife for her? Won't my kids pick up on that there is a new guy in town pretty quick?
Wasted energy Nick. Cheeseless tunnels
Originally Posted by NickWing
W's relationship with kids is good, business is taking off, romantic life seems to be fulfilling,
For now
Originally Posted by NickWing
SHE.DOES.CARE.ABOUT.YOU. I'm not quite there by but I'm approaching.The three weeks NC were liberating. After we file I might see her 10 times in my life and Im fine with that
My IC thinks that W has low self esteem/high ego. She gets a lot of compliments on her work our family, her looks, etc. The one place she fell short was admin stuff, paying bills, following up with vet, things like that. And I was critical of her about that because I always his to pick u the slack, and resentment built on both are parts.
IC told me high Ego people cannot be wrong, always have to be right. Well in 27 years my W has tld me she's sorry or wrong twice. Thats not an exaggeration. Twice in 27 years. Kids were teasing her a whie ago because she was clearly wrong about something and could not even admit it to them.
And here's one I feel guilty about. About 25 years ago, W wrecked new to us car, completely her fault. When I got home she told me about it and I ws pretty cool about it but of course was not happy. So instad of her saying"Nick, I wrecked the car, it was my fault, Im sorry" She performed oral sex on me. I felt bad about it at the time and should has stopped because she was degrading herself but I didnt. So even with whats going on today and her abusive behavior, I stil feel bad about it.
This sounds just like my WW...
Right down to the bills and admin stuff - Then when they get it wrong or forget to do something, they blame you for being controlling or now showing them how to do it properly..
Best thing i ever did was get away from her. People how cannot be wrong or take responsibility are not good partners. Move on and enjoy life !
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Thats one of the big things that led to the downfall of the marriage. I needed her to be more responsible, but could have should have approached it better. I used to refer to her as my 50 year old teenager. Not too nice, huh?
To her credit, she was not a frivolous spender, just irresponsible. And have you ever heard this kind of story. She came to me one night and needed access to my bank account onine because hers had not been set up yet. She needed to pay an AMEX bill that was due that night. So I give the codes and she pays the bill.
Then next month there is a $400 charge for AMEX and I think OK its another bill. Then 3 days later anothe $200. So I ask whats going on. She told me its the AMEX bill and she doesnt know exactly what was owed. I tld her to wait until the bill came at the end of the month and we would pay it it full.
Next month $200 here, $300 there. Finally, I siad I am closing this account unless you stop doing that. SHe finally stopped.
I had to be home for every home repair, because the repairman would say "Do this, it's important" When I get home and ask her what was said, she would say, uhh, I forgot.
So six months after BD, I can see how all that poisoned the marriage, resentment built up on both sides. ANd in the grand scheme of things, how hard was it to call the repairman and ask what the issue was.
Boy, when those rose colored glasses come of, they come off.
