I second the mock up train made of paper. as we all head into more sequestered times, I hope you stay safe and enjoy reclaiming your home. I'd speak directly to 18 as he's on his own. Leave S out of it, as she clearly wants to be.
Trying really REALLY hard to feel compassion for her.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I agree with bttrfly where S18 is concerned. Just talk to him about it, as S clearly doesn't give a rat's behind. If she did, she would've made him go with her when she moved and not shirked her parental responsibility onto you. I applaud bttrfly's comment that she is trying hard to feel compassion for her because at this point, if it weren't for a pandemic and the fact that I likely couldn't get across the border because of it, I would be itching to drive up there and have a little face to face come to Jesus meeting with her. My compassion is just gone. What a HORRIBLE way to treat your child. I get he's 18 and so technically an adult, but he's, in many ways, no where adult maturity and that has a LOT to do with how she raised him. You've accepted responsibility for him, so talk to him and help him start to pick up some of that responsibility for himself. It's ok to let him know you are rooting for him, but make it clear that you very soon want to be rooting from afar....or at least not from the same residence.
I didn't comment the other day when you mentioned S's daughter getting upset because you reached out to her and I suspect that was more a reaction to, yet again, having to be the adult in a situation where her mother should be adulting. I also wonder if S18's version of the story might be somewhat enhanced by imagination and maybe the daughter isn't as aware of the plan to move in with her as S18 lets on. That seems like an S move and I don't doubt that her kids have learned some of that shady behavior, even if they realize it is wrong. I get the distinct impression that S is one of those "it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" people. So, she just plows forward with her own agenda and just assumes folks will line up because they usually do.
For the record, I also like the paper train idea. It would help me be able to visualize the whole thing better. I know you have mentioned before you get shipments from Arkansas. Yesterday, I went home the long way and had to wait for a train at a RR crossing. There were tanker cars and I wondered if those might eventually end up where you are. I didn't know if all of your Arkansas stuff comes from the same place or if it is from various locations. If it is various locations, maybe what I saw was headed your way...it was moving in the right general direction anyway. LOL Then I wondered if all of your stuff comes from 1 place if it might be from Terra Chemicals, which would NOT come through my area, as it is on the opposite corner of the state from where I am. (I'm SW and Terra is NE.) Anyway, I rambled all that to say that I waved at the engineer and the cars, just in case they were headed to you. I'm sure you'll see it if they come to you. LOL
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I have to agree with everyone when it comes to S18. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but I do agree w/Dawn. I am about ready to cross the border and give S a piece of my mind. Maybe she did the best she could raising her children, but you do not move out of someone's home and leave your child behind and "assume" that the owner of the home is going to take care of him, his pets and get him to and from work. To me, that is "assuming" entirely too much. He may be 18, but he is rather immature in many ways and needs a guiding hand. Kids that age don't have a clue as to how to take care of themselves and it sounds like he's not made any move to even start packing up. Time to have a serious discussion about his moving out at the end of the month. If you don't get the answers you want, then contact S and advise her that he needs to be moved out by the 31st. Don't wait on this discussion...do it this evening.
I, too, think the mock train set is a good way to visualize what you need to do on your job. It will help you focus and come up w/some good ideas.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
What a day. I may perhaps start looking forward to the days that I know will be busy because things tend to go sideways on what I plan on as "quiet" days.
Still trying to figure out the railcars. Yet another wrench thrown into it - it seems we made a deal to "unload" cars of product that we make starting Jan 1. I was probably told but didn't figure that out. Makes other things make sense. Some sort of visual is making more and more sense. It seems that my boss has sold more product than we can make - which is in some ways good I suppose. But it does leave us scrambling.
Let's see - I need insulated cars, uninsulated cars, full cars, empty cars, 5 different types of products and 3 different locations. Maybe I'll go get myself some Lego .... hmmmm That actually makes some sense. I could stack blocks to get the different attributes. Who needs a wife to bounce ideas off of when I have my friends here
My boss is pretty patient with me as I put together "systems" that he personally doesn't think are needed but he remembers doing more or less the same thing when he was learning the job too. After all these years he just "knows" what is what and where it's going and can adapt fairly easily because he has that base experience and knowledge. And also makes deals that he neglects to tell everyone else about.
I think that one of the things he likes about me - and presumably any partner would hate - is that I'm pretty much never "off". Much of what is technically my lunch today was filled with chasing down numbers, reviewing alternative plans and being frustrated that people I wanted to consult were off and not available to be called. But - it all worked out. The impossible that the customer was asking for was politely deflected, pricing and delivery was agreed to and it should all work out.
In my past career which was technology based I was also often occupied after hours and on weekends but since in that case I had decades of experience doing it, it wasn't nearly as much of an issue.
Dawn - our Arkansas loads originate in El Dorado which as far as I can tell is "south middle". Checking my lists as of this morning there was a car in Monsanto, AR and one in North Little Rock. So perhaps you did wave at the right train. My ex-wife's family are "railway people" and I am sure they like a friendly wave from people who are allowing them to safely pass.
I actually got a message from S late yesterday saying that she's coming up today to help him with paperwork, pick up another van-load of stuff and some prescriptions from the pharmacy. I suggested that if she had time that a stop at the bank would also be beneficial. I'm not sure when but given that she sleeps until mid-afternoon most days it probably won't be until later. I'm planning on heading into the plant around then so our paths may only minimally cross.
I do know that S18 is actively working towards getting out on his own. He's taking it quite seriously. I asked him over lunch and it seems that he's getting things lined up and is treating the end of the month as a hard deadline. I know I keep speaking of it as such. He also doesn't expect his mother to be here before he needs to be driven in to work for 4:00 pm which still works for me getting to the plant. As far as getting reliable information on what will be happening with S18, I think that he's probably the best source.
S's laissez-faire attitude towards parenting also baffles me as it seems it does everyone else here but it does seem to be her approach to most of life. And surprisingly it seems to work - that things just fall into place for her when she needs them to. Sad as it is, and a "teaching moment" is that there is nothing that I can think of that I miss with her being gone. Of her 5 kids, really only her eldest has her act together and even then she's a bit of a bubble-head who seems to be unable to hold down a job for more than a year or so before getting distracted and shifting along. I know pretty much nothing about her second oldest who lives in Australia - she never really talked about him and he moved out as a teen as well.
Ah well - a 3 tea-pot day and it's just only past lunch - I need to go - ahem - see a man about a horse ...
Until later.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
It’s not working andy. Her kids resent her, they have learned just to get by and have no real direction in life. .. things are not falling into place for her, at her age she is all over the place, can’t settle in, she’s a hoarder......
So, her parenting style surely has not benefitted her kids. Maybe her? But not her kids
a "teaching moment" is that there is nothing that I can think of that I miss with her being gone.
AND - that tells you everything you need to know about that.
Glad that her S18 seems to be moving forward. Expect to have to do some heavy cleaning of that room too after he leaves. I imagine it will be a great relief not to have to think about what they are or aren't doing as a family. I know you think that she somehow "always works it out" but really she appears to mostly do that by grifting on men. And it's obviously not worked out that well for her kids.
What G said! It totally does NOT work for her. What works for her is her completely laissez faire attitude that makes people feel sorry for her or think she's in need of help so that she can get stuff done for her without having to do anything. She is the queen of manipulation. That is what I was getting at when I was speculating that her daughter's shortness with you over S18 may well be more of a response to the fact that her mother made a plan and maybe didn't include the D in the plan, but went full steam ahead as though it was all worked out. S has been surrounded by those she has manipulated and those who enable her so that is the only thing working for her, because she certainly isn't.
As far as rail cars, it very well could've been the El Dorado one I saw yesterday because it was coming from the right direction. El Dorado is right on the Arkansas/Louisiana border and is indeed south central. As an aside here, we Arkies pronounce it El Duh-ray-dough. Not El Duh-raw-dough as most people would, so if your train engineer is an Arkie, he'll be impressed if you pronounce it the Arkie way. North Little Rock is about 75 miles northeast of me. I have never heard of Monsanto Arkansas as a town. Now I know Monsanto is a huge chemical company and due to the prolific row crop farming in eastern AR and the widespread use of agriculture chemicals in that area, I would guess a train from Monsanto would come out of probably Stuttgart (east central) or Jonesboro (north east) or possibly Pine Bluff (southeast) as those are 3 of the larger cities in that row crop half of the state. Interesting.........what a small world it is to think that the train I saw yesterday afternoon in downtown Curtis, Arkansas (population of less than 100 unless you count all the dogs, chickens, deer and cows) would be rolling into Andrew's company today or tomorrow or however long it takes to get from South Arkansas to upper middle lower kanukistan.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Well - to quote the ancient philosopher Hubert J. Farnsworth "Good News Everyone".
Very little to anyone's surprise, S forget to set her alarm yesterday and wasn't up here until about 8:00 pm instead of around noon which would have been useful. She called her son at about 3:00 pm to let him know - probably when she was waking up. So - I drive her S18 in to work, drove to the plant to audit some paperwork and inventory, drove back, picked up her S18 at work and drove him home.
When she got here I was finishing my dinner and I just went to bed and they rattled around the house for a few hours. Another load of stuff appears to have gone.
I was talking to the lad this evening though and: - his paperwork for his government support program is now completed and filed. - his parents (both of them!) will assist him with first and last month's rent because there's expected to be delays in his funding coming through. - he's viewing a 2 bedroom apartment that is about a block from his job next Tuesday. The apartment is pet friendly and his buddy will likely move in with him. It might not be available until the start of March but he has said that he is confident that his job will be held open for him if he has to camp out with his mother for a few weeks. He knows of other employees who have for one reason or another left and then come back without any issue and as far as he knows, he is well liked by his boss.
He was still way over the moon stressed about having to call for apartments. I was impressed and let him know that he did great by overcoming his anxieties around making phone calls and putting himself out there.
I also nudged S about her loan today and she said that it will be taken care of.
Fingers (and toes) crossed.
As I've mentioned and it's been disputed, I do have confidence in S's abilities to get things done. It's just unfortunate to have had to learn that she's got to have her back against the wall with no other choices on how to dodge it first.
I'm still not going to completely trust everything though until after it is all done.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
You did have a bit of good news and another pile of "stuff" has moved on to another location. Sounds like her S18 is trying to get himself together and hopefully, he can move into that apartment very soon. Does he have his license to drive a car? I would think that at his age, he would want to have a car and be able to get himself around and not rely on others.
You did a good job of encouraging him and praising him for what he accomplished. I think he would do even more if he had someone encouraging him and instead of leaving him out there. People need encouragement and recognition when they do something for themselves and right.
S sounds a lot like my sister. You have to pin her to the wall to get her to do anything. It's frustrating.
Enjoy your day and weekend!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sounds like her S18 is trying to get himself together and hopefully, he can move into that apartment very soon. Does he have his license to drive a car? I would think that at his age, he would want to have a car and be able to get himself around and not rely on others.
He'd like to drive but to the best of my knowledge nobody has attempted to teach him. Fortunately where he's possibly moving to is within walking / skateboard distance of pretty much everywhere. Which reminds me that I need to make sure his bicycle tires are properly inflated today. They seemed low when I put it away in the shed.
---
In other news I was semi-surprised at a shake-up in our corporate office. One of the more senior managers has been objecting to the lax attitude of other senior management towards Covid in the corporate office. She shielded her people, allowed them to work from home lots etc. The office is on the 13th floor in an otherwise empty building (not everyone shares their opinions) and I felt all along that they were taking undue risks. Surprising considering the industry we're in.
So - she got shuffled out taking with her years of experience in a vital part of our business.
I was talking to her on the weekly online "happy hour" and she's doing ok all things considered. She does get a feeling of karma though as just as they were walking her out one of the staff members has been diagnosed - so I believe they are going to have to do a full sanitize and actually follow the protocols she was pushing and that we're doing in the rest of the company.
No word on how the person who was infected is doing no nor official word on who it was.
Sigh.
----
I'm very very tempted to break the stay-at-home order myself for something as mundane as a haggis. Robbie Burns day is coming up and the closest butcher who does haggis is over an hour away. I have an official letter identifying myself as an "essential worker" - but really - this isn't essential, nor is it work. I'll probably substitute a meatloaf for the haggis - I need to figure out the spicing though. I'm going to see if I can find ground lamb. I did one plate like that for S as I was concerned that the haggis I had wasn't gluten free but wasn't keen on how it turned out. I did pick up a small bottle of local whiskey for use in the sauce. I'm figuring on doing that on January 24th.
It's frustrating in many ways that S's S18 is still here. I'd never tell him this, but he is one of the big reasons why my own son doesn't visit. He made it clear that he didn't want to hang out in the house where there was a teenager and never did. I fully expect that when it's back to just me that he'll come by regularly for dinner and to lend a hand here and there if asked.
Should be a quiet weekend here. All the usual things, laundry etc. I was amazingly unproductive at work yesterday so I need to put in extra time this weekend to catch up and to try to do the analysis of the jobs that are coming my way. I did try to set up some Lego yesterday to get the rail siding layout but it defeated me in that moment. I need to I think have all the various bits of information, type of car, type of product, customer specific information, loading status in front of me as I put the pieces together. It may not even be the right tool.
Speaking of tools, my new web/security camera came in on Thursday. A Wyze Pan Cam - so far, so good. I mention it because at times we have people who are needing a quick and easy security camera because of various issues related to their spouse etc. Pretty easy to set up as I just plugged it in and connected it to my WiFi - no cables to run. It connects to "the cloud" so even if the camera is removed there are multiple days of recordings available.
It has decent night vision and the included app works quite decently on both my phone and tablet. I was even able to connect it via Chromecast to my TV and watch it from the living room. I have it in the enclosed side porch where it watches the main entrance, the house next door and a slice of the back yard. Pivoting from shot to shot every 10 seconds. If it detects motion I get an alert and the camera actually tracks the motion and sends me a 12 second clip. It's kinda creepy in action but I expect that it will melt into the background quickly. It could also alert on sound but with all the trucks that drive past here that's not a good idea. It's a bit of a nuisance to actually download clips but can be figured out with some patience.
I had to pay a premium to get it as technically it's not available in Canada but even with that it was cheaper than it's competitors. In the US it's quite inexpensive. The version that doesn't pan or swivel is even less expensive.
I told S18 that if it really bothers him that I can take it down but he doesn't seem to care. It will be an effective deterrent I feel as well like it was to my ex-wife to keep his mother from coming and going at will. I do have to get her key back from her after her son moves out. In the same manner that bothered me about her own kids she never rings the doorbell when she comes here but just walks right in. Very poor concept of boundaries. I was horrified when I found out that she still had a key to her former partner's place and was fine with just going in there when she had stuff still stored there. And specifically timed it for when he wasn't home.
Soooo many red flags all seen clearly too late. The boiling frog analogy is a good one. I accepted multiple small bad behaviours over time which taken together - even in part - would have been a deal-breaker if I had known / realized at the beginning. But individually I was able to choke down my unease.
I'm getting closer and closer to "freedom day". Yesterday I changed the passwords on all the streaming services. There's still a chunk of uncertainty on when S18 will actually move out although I continue the narrative that it's by the end of the month. It's interesting that I can talk to him about how it will be nice to not have to get up and take care of any critters in a matter-of-fact way and he doesn't seem phased at all. Another tidbit of history came out - it seems that he lived for a short while a few years ago with his Dad - with whom he has "never" had a good relationship. Poor kid - sad that he perhaps looks at being shuffled from place to place as "normal".
Well - tea-pot is empty. Time to hop into the shower and brave the outside world from 6' away and all masked up and for as little time as possible. The weather continues unseasonably nice here - probably a good day for a walk. The work stuff will still be there later. It just needs to be all wrapped up by Sunday evening.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I'm sure you'll see it if they come to you. LOL
