Oh my. 2020 certainly went out like a house on fire. Yelling, screaming, emergency vehicles and a literal house on fire.
Sadly my next door neighbour's house burnt yesterday afternoon. All the people were fine but I believe that some of the pets didn't make it. This house, which I remember as a two bedroom home had I believe 7 people living in it plus 3 dogs, 3 cats, a rabbit and a hamster.
I alerted S's S18 and we went through our evacuation plan in case we needed to. It was a calm day though, there's a decent amount of space between the houses and the fire department had things well managed all things considered. I was pleased but at this point unsurprised by how calm and rational he was about the whole thing. When faced with a crisis he has the ability to step up. I packed a bag just in case and he double-checked that he had carriers and containers easy to hand to load up his critters in. It's amazing in some ways on that all I really was worried about was just having some changes of clothes and that the "stuff" wasn't top of mind. And all S18 was worried about was the pets.
After the fire was out I messaged S and let her know what was up and that all people were fine. S18 had messaged his sisters but not his mother - no real surprise.
I'm worried that my neighbour will have problems with the insurance. There was an investigator there right away who was "very" interested in talking to me and they left a guard there who when I came home (next story) had a "lot" of questions about the people who lived there.
One of the problems will be because this house is pretty well known as the local "drug house". My neighbour's daughters and presumably the younger kids are all part of that world. If that was related to the fire there will be problems I'm sure. The other issue will be that they did a lot of renovations that I don't believe they ever got a permit for.
S18 - who does a bit of weed was contacted by his supplier who wanted to check the story he got from one of the kids that his house had just burned down and that he wouldn't be able to pay.
There have been lots of official looking people going in and out of the house all morning. No police that I've seen though which is perhaps good.
If I'm asked questions during the investigation I'll stick with the "decent people and good neighbours" narrative and not go into any speculation about anything.
It does raise the question of what will happen to the property. Originally I thought the fire was minor and quickly put out but eventually the flames shooting out of the basement and heavy smoke coming through the roof vents indicate that the whole house was certainly affected. I can't see any option other than taking it down. I actually own the land behind the house and a bit of artistic re-drawing of lot lines could dramatically improve the value of that property if it were to be redeveloped. And if it gives me the cash to essentially recover my financial position from the capital part of my divorce settlement then that would be a great help.
But there's no point in worrying about anything at the moment. The house is still not cold yet.
The other part of 2020 hanging on was my son calling me in the early evening. He'd locked his car and apartment keys inside his car and the car was running. So - I drove an hour over with his spare keys. The poor kid was stuck wandering around town in the cold waiting. He had been intending on going for a drive around for something to do and accidentally locked his keys in. I presume his mother also has a set of apartment keys but I have the only other car key. The weather was nice and it was a decent drive.
-------------
In other news S18 and I were talking as we often do about this, that and the other thing. One of the topics was relationships and how they need to be built on trust and respect. He mentioned something that didn't quite match his mother's narrative that in his memory I was the only person who had actually dumped his mother. That in all other cases she was the one dumping them.
----
Ah well - forward in 2021 - a year of rebuilding and renewal. I still have some of the debris of 2020 to shake off and deal with. Today's the day that I pack up all of the Christmas stuff for another year. I had been intending to have a nice soak in the tub yesterday afternoon so that is on today's agenda now. I also need to balance my chequebook and close the books on the financial part of 2020 and start up my new 2021 books. I've started doing all the computer backups as well that I do once a quarter of my emails and social media accounts. Lots of stuff to tidy up.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thank goodness that fire didn't spread to your house. What a way to start out the new year. Hopefully things have settled down by now, fire embers are completely out and maybe in the next couple of weeks, they will begin to clear the mess up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
There's a lot of mess to clear up. Social media was asking for clothing donations and that they also all now need a place to live. By the time I checked the clothing donations were more than satisfied and nope - I don't want 7 people with various addiction issues and assorted pets moving in here I do learn I suppose. They are decent people and good neighbours and I wish them well.
I did have a laugh because I just saw a news article posted to social media and almost all of the pictures on there were ones I took and shared with my neighbour this afternoon. I couple I think were actually picked up from my SnapChat feed. From the news article it would appear that the house will indeed be torn down. A few of the pictures at the beginning were I think of someone else's house which was just a bit odd.
First day of the month cleaning time. For dinner I put on a big pot of chili to bubble away while I cleaned and let S18 know. Now - this is a kid who historically doesn't eat unless he is feeling actual hunger pains. He packed away 2+ big bowls. We had an interesting chat over dinner about the gaming world - most of which was over my head. It really makes me wonder about how S has been feeding those kids for all these years. Poorly is the only word that comes to mind. I also think that it was rare that they all sat down together to eat. Sigh. I expected to have chili for the next 3 days but the pot is empty. It was actually one of my better ones. If he does end up moving back in with his mother it may be a bit of a culture shock.
He's worried about the remaining cat who is elderly and has developed a case of the sniffles that pre-dates the fire next door. We've been monitoring her and she has lost a bit of appetite but is generally doing ok.
He did help me carry the last of the stuff from upstairs to the front porch. I took the rug from the dining room which is going to be replaced soon and put it upstairs. Grumble - the bottom of it is obviously stained from pet sources in multiple places. At least it's not stinky. The living room rug will undoubtedly be worse. Getting closer and closer to having this place back. Most of it I have now and only a few weeks for S18 to be moved out. He's well aware of the deadline and doesn't seem stressed about it at all. I commented today that the only stuff remaining upstairs now is in his room which didn't seem to be any sort of shock to him.
Well - I got the bathrooms scrubbed and the upstairs swept today. Tomorrow is dusting and the downstairs plus the tiny bit of ironing I have to do. I think I'll pull out a steak for dinner. Time to switch the laundry around and get the dishes done. A man's work is never done it seems ...
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hello all! I was going to post an update yesterday. Actually typed one out about 4 times, realized that I really had nothing to say and closed without posting it having "gotten it off my chest".
In good news, the cat is feeling better and has pretty much lost her sniffles. In bad news, the cat is feeling better. She knows that I'm the one that feeds her in the morning so was clawing at my door as soon as my alarm went off. I'm glad she's doing better. S18 especially was very worried about her.
He thinks he's seen paw prints in the snow coming out of one of my sheds that might be from the cats that have gone missing from next door. There was one small black cat roaming the streets I've not seen before but there are a "lot" of stray black cats in the village. There's a few people that make a point of setting food out for these strays. I'm not at present one of these.
My weight and blood pressure are up and so I'm working on taking action. I really should be doing some walking but manage to find lots of excuses. I am working on decreasing my food intake. Over the "holidays" I didn't eat as well as I usually do and also ate and drank more than usual.
Busy day at the plant today but not so much for me. We have one big load coming through that's going to take most of the day. Given the fact we were shut down for a week the backlog of orders makes planning a bit easier as I can now plan out a couple of days into the future and am not scrambling for things to keep us busy. The lead hand was kind of grumpy at me when he saw the backlog of orders waiting for him on Monday morning. But on the other hand I'm sure he was happy that there was work. There are 4 big orders to get through this week - each with different chemistry and issues and given the time of year I have to worry about making sure that nothing freezes. As I was reminded by the lead hand
I had a call with my now official boss and I believe that managing rail traffic is one of the things that they are looking at having me do. We have 12 spots on our siding and up to this point I've only been worried about cars inbound from a particular supplier in Arkansas. It should be challenging - there are literally a lot of moving parts involved. A lot of things are still undefined though and I expect that it will shift around over time. There are also issues with inbound raw materials into the plant that we use for one of our products where we have limited storage capacity.
----
One of the reasons I've been having the urge to write is that this week could very well be a decisive one for a number of things.
S18 will hopefully get his government program sorted out and be able to start working on housing. I've been clear that I expect him to be out by the end of the month and that that could require him to move in with his mother. If he does move in with her I'm sure it will be quite the culture shock after this quiet and organized place with healthy food in the pantry. He did mention that his best friend - who he was supposed to have moved in with last May - has been told that he either needs to move out or start paying rent. Perhaps they can find something together. 2 bedroom apartments are undoubtedly cheaper than 2 one bedroom apartments. Not my circus.
S18 has I think continued to work on eating better as well although his latest thing is grilled cheese sandwiches on the panini press he got from his mother for Christmas. He went through an entire block of cheddar in 3 days. I picked up another one and mentioned that dollar for dollar it was a better deal than McDonalds and undoubtedly healthier.
Despite the positivity, I'm still really looking forward to getting him and the pets and especially the stink out of the house. I did have a look under the living room rug and there is caked on dog urine there which accounts for the smell in that room. No surprise that shampooing 6 times didn't get it cleared out.
---
Hopefully this week will also get some resolution to the house next door that burned. It's still standing but from what I understand will need to be taken down. According to the news article the fire started in the basement and then went up the inside of the walls to the attic. Given the economics of rural village life, the damage is rated at probably more than the property was worth. I know my house is insured for about 400% more than what my assessment is because that's how much it would cost to build it again.
I've noticed a variety of fire recovery vans around this morning so work is being done on figuring things out I'm sure. From my understanding of the insurance business, they generally want to settle and get things out of their hands relatively quickly especially if delays could cost money. Having a vacant damaged but insured property is probably a lot more risk than having a vacant lot. I know when I totaled my car a few years ago that they were quick to assess it because I had it towed to my dealer's lot where they were getting charged a storage fee.
They will have a few challenges if they re-develop the lot because there's an easement for a creek that goes under one side of the lot and they actually impinge on the property on the other side by about 4 feet which was the only way they could fit a driveway in.
It crossed my mind to send the pictures I took to my ex-wife but I decided not to bother. It does cross my mind though to muse about how she feels about "things". She lived here for pretty much her entire adult life and had a lot of pride in this place. She also was on very good terms with all the neighbours including the one whose house burned down. Whenever the topic comes up they all say that they haven't heard from her since she left. I remember right after she left the struggles I had to try to not reach out to her about village events and gossip. She was always well plugged in to the gossip network - until it was about her at least
I would imagine that she's not all that comfortable these days. OM retired, sold his house, moved into her apartment over the liquor store for a while and they bought a little house in a bad neighbourhood on a busy street "in town". She hated feeling crowded. And since she lost her job at the liquor store she got a job at a campground doing admin. Probably not the most lucrative of roles especially during winter during a lock-down. So she's perhaps trapped all day in a small house with her older retired OM who I don't think has any interests outside watching sports plus two dogs. If my suspicions are correct she is also perhaps the main provider. Just because OM owned his own business doesn't mean that retiring out of that and selling his house left him with a substantial amount of money as I had originally presumed. But then again - I can't know and never will and it doesn't matter to me.
She gave up so very much. On a practical perspective, she gave up a comfortable financial position, the ability to go on regular tropical vacations, her house, an expectation of a fairly comfortable retirement. She also gave up her respected place in the community, with the volunteer organization that used to be a big part of her identity, an intact and loving family. Does she look back at all? No clue. I can't help but feel sorry for her.
In other news I heard from my "niece" just after New Years. For those playing the home game, we went on a few dates a few years ago that went nowhere. We've kept in touch though and it seems like her life post-divorce is settled down. I'd sent her a link of something that her son may be interested in that I am as well like I do whenever it crosses my path. We caught up a bit via text and she suggested we get together for a drink after the lockdown ends. It should be nice. I don't have any interest in pursuing anything with her but she is a person who I quite like. I have a few friends who I need to go out and see. Some close enough that it can be done post-lockdown and some that it will be a bit longer because they live in different zones.
The isolation is getting to me more than a bit. I have no interest in dating - the thought of getting entangled again is a big turn-off. But having human interaction is certainly something I am missing quite a lot. At least I have this place, other sorts of social media plus my once-a-week trip in to the plant.
Ah well - enough for now. I think I'll actually post this time.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I really should be doing some walking but manage to find lots of excuses.
Not too late to join the Thousand Mile Challenge! Go to FB TMC 2021, the group is still public until the end of the month, and you will find information about joining. The goal is to walk or run 1,000 miles in 2021. It's a great group and great motivation to get up and do it even when you aren't feeling it. I got two miles in before breakfast today.
AS for the ex - yeah, doesn't sound like she traded up. I don't know how this works in Canada, but here in the US, people who own their own small businesses often under-report their income to avoid paying taxes - then find themselves with much smaller social security checks upon retirement because of it. Also people who own their own businesses may not always be diligent about saving for retirement, which requires discipline if it's not automatically happening in the form of a pension from a large company. So yeah, I'd say them moving to that small place in an undesirable neighborhood tells you much of what you need to know about their finances. Will probably go further downhill once you are done paying alimony. It doesn't sound like your ex is on a great career path.
I really should be doing some walking but manage to find lots of excuses.
Not too late to join the Thousand Mile Challenge! Go to FB TMC 2021, the group is still public until the end of the month, and you will find information about joining. The goal is to walk or run 1,000 miles in 2021. It's a great group and great motivation to get up and do it even when you aren't feeling it. I got two miles in before breakfast today.
I did the math on that. It would require roughly 1 hour of walking each and every day. Certainly something that would do me no end of good but more of a commitment than I am willing to make. I did get myself out just before dark yesterday and got in an hour's walk. My back pain has moved about 14" lower down and I'm sure that benefited from walking vs sitting too. I think my own goal would be to do 100 miles vs 1000 which is about a 1 hour walk each week. 200 would be better and still easily achievable. I have a standard route I walk around the village that is about 5km and takes just about an hour depending on if I run in to any neighbours to chat with in which case it can take well over 2
Things are grinding along with the resolution of the property next door. I was talking to some neighbours yesterday and their consensus is that the fire was drug use related. I do hope that doesn't get to the insurance company. An insurance adjuster called me late yesterday afternoon so hopefully it will sort out.
I put a bug in the ear of my neighbour / my ex-wife's former boss who flips houses on the side that "you know - if that lot was combined with the bit of surplus property I have ...." I can't afford the capital outlay to redevelop the property myself but there is a booming market in one bedroom townhouses for seniors in this area and you could probably put at least 2 of them on that lot if you were clever about layout.
Just going to keep my opinions to myself at this point. It is possible that my neighbour may choose to rebuild herself and move back in but that won't happen before next spring. Still no definite sightings of any of the cats.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
This is my first week of a new year in my new role - lots of crazy going on. A backlog of orders, loads to be pulled in, inventory levels to monitor, customer demands, carriers who don't understand basic safety protocols. I was spoiled the prior week when we weren't shipping anything other than bulk loads. Those still take some work and some planning but there are less moving parts.
Today was supposed to be a quiet day. No shipments on Fridays usually. But as always as soon as I press the "send" button on the plan prior to 8:00 everything goes sideways. I try to start work around 7:00, put together the plan, do some forecasting a couple of days out and then spend from 8:00 until 10:00 dealing with all the exceptions. Today I called the plant and apologized to the loader and followed up to see if he was able to use an alternate procedure for one job as I was uncomfortable with the safety of how it was done in the past. I think he appreciates that I make the effort.
----
I've been dreaming vividly for the past week or so. A mix of disturbing and non sort of things. This morning it was tough to wake up because in my dream I met an enchanting petite brunette with a cat named Zazu. The cat was pretty chill. Alarm went off, I was confused and really just wanted to go back to what I had been doing I also believe that after roughly 3 months of celibacy that my hormones are acting up again - good to know that they still are there not that they will get any exercise in the foreseeable future. ...
---
I spent a bunch of time probably like most people "doom scrolling" and seeing various perspectives on the current events. It's tough to get balanced reporting of what is going on. I was pleased to notice that a historian who I follow has been interviewed on Bloomberg for perspective a couple of times. I recall sending his name to the generic twitter feed a year or so ago so maybe he ended up on a list because of that - or more likely they were just trolling to see who can provide input. I was happy for the historian though who has a niche podcast I listen to and a book coming out soon. This will certainly help his book sales and future career. The interviewers all indicated that they would be checking back with him as events unfold.
----
The main thing I wanted to mention today is that I was talking to S's S18 yesterday and it looks like everything is getting into place for him. There are some delays in him getting his program set up but he has been taking control of things himself. He's talked to his buddy and they may indeed move in together as I suggested. Both his father and his aunt have offered to cover first and last month's rent. His oldest sister - who I've referred to as a "field marshall" and is the most capable of the entire lot has offered that he can move in with her and she'll figure out how to get him back and forth to work even though it is a bit of a distance.
Unsurprisingly, but disappointingly, there was no mention of his mother being part of any of these plans.
I considered reaching out to his sister to see what I can do to assist but since everything seems under control I feel that my best course is to just let that family sort out their own issues.
I semi-joked with S18 last night that I had nothing in particular against him but .... I think he understands my position completely. He's here because I wanted to minimize the turmoil but that there is a firm time limit. He's not my kid and I take no responsibility but also am happy to facilitate and keep him housed and fed until then.
In a world (and family) filled with couch-surfers and takers this is perhaps a good lesson for him to learn and also very much a good lesson for me to learn. That there are limits to duty and that it's ok to have boundaries and to say "no".
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Unsurprisingly, but disappointingly, there was no mention of his mother being part of any of these plans.
I considered reaching out to his sister to see what I can do to assist but since everything seems under control I feel that my best course is to just let that family sort out their own issues.
I semi-joked with S18 last night that I had nothing in particular against him but .... I think he understands my position completely. He's here because I wanted to minimize the turmoil but that there is a firm time limit. He's not my kid and I take no responsibility but also am happy to facilitate and keep him housed and fed until then.
TGIF indeed! After 3 weeks off (1 because my boss was kind enough to let me have an extra week after my wreck because he's awesome like that), this has been a LONG week and I'm so very glad today is Friday. I need a break. And a nap. And to sleep late(r) than normal.
I find something interesting about this part of your post and I may have even commented on it before, though I don't specifically recall, but you spend a LOT of time, even when you and S were still a couple, talking about how her kids are not your responsibility. And, I agree totally. Her kids were NEVER your responsibility, even when you were romantically entangled and living as a couple. But, for someone who continues to deny responsibility for her brood, you seem to take on a lot of responsibility for the same brood and, in particular, S18. You have allowed him to stay on in your home not as a rent-paying tenant, but as a favor to I'm not sure who...S, S18, both? You buy his groceries, you drive him to and from work, you cook for him, you teach him basic life skills. If that isn't taking responsibility for someone, I don't know what is. You are still taking care of him in many senses of the word and while I get you are doing it out of some sense of desire to help the young man, it sure sounds like responsibility to me. Don't get me wrong, I think you have done right by him, more so than his mother certainly deserved and I think it has set him on a path to maybe break a cycle that has long been life for that family, but in my opinion, you can stop trying to convince everyone and even more so yourself that you didn't assume responsibility for him because you did. In not putting your foot down and making him go with everyone else, you took on responsibility for him. Now, again, that isn't necessarily a bad thing and I see where you did it for his benefit and good on you for that, but I think you get my overall point here.
S is definitely a user and she has modeled this behavior for her children over and over and over again. It sounds like the oldest daughter may be doing ok for herself and with your help, I think S18 may eventually do well for himself, but I worry for the rest of the lot. It makes me sad for the kids, honestly. I'm not trying to start a debate, but as an educator, I see families and how the habits and patterns of the parents spill over onto the kids. I also see how parents use a variety of issues that are far more self-inflicted than reality to deal with kids and that cripples the kids through the rest of their lives. I have wondered many times when you talk about S18's poor eating habits, his social anxiety, his other issues...how much of that would be different or maybe even non-existent if he'd had a better and more present parent than S with all of her ADD, back, eating issues. I feel bad for him and am glad you let him stay on and find his own footing to get him a decent start in the adult world. But, as I said before, that, my friend, is the very definition of your taking responsibility for him. You're a rescuer, after all!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I came here to say what dawn said, lol. They may not BE your responsibility, but his own mother probably hasn’t taken as much responsibility as you have over these past 9 months or so, let alone since her father died and she spent no time there. I would say cooking, feeding, cleaning up after, teaching, and driving to work is most certainly taking responsibility for him, 100%. He isn’t your responsibility, but you have definitely taken the responsibility. Not a bad thing.
I do learn I suppose. They are decent people and good neighbours and I wish them well.
