Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,487
Likes: 149
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,487
Likes: 149
Goos stuff Scotty B and yes it makes sense. Pretty soon thats all you miss and you wont miss her at all. It just takes time.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 693
Likes: 12
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 693
Likes: 12
Originally Posted by LH19
Pretty soon thats all you miss and you wont miss her at all.


And I think that's the part that scares the LBS initially, the idea that one day we won't miss them.

I don't know if I can speak for others, but my guess is that most feel the same.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,487
Likes: 149
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,487
Likes: 149
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Originally Posted by LH19
Pretty soon thats all you miss and you wont miss her at all.


And I think that's the part that scares the LBS initially, the idea that one day we won't miss them.

I don't know if I can speak for others, but my guess is that most feel the same.

Why are you afraid to not miss someone who has discarded you like a piece of trash?

Last edited by job; 12/21/20 05:44 PM. Reason: edited a word LH19

M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 693
Likes: 12
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 693
Likes: 12
I'm not disagreeing with you LH, I get what you are saying.

When you have been with someone for 10 years plus (like most here have) and you are rejected by that person and desperately want to save your MR, the thought of letting go and eventually not missing them is scary. The rose tinted glasses are on and this person seems like the most perfect person you have met and that you will never find someone else. The thought that one day you won't care whether they are in your life is hard to come to grips with after all you have been through with them, even though this is exactly what is necessary.

I felt this way, I am guessing others have too. Probably in the last week or so this fear has disappeared, I accepted that in the future the WS will be just my child's parent and nothing more. Its very liberating.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,487
Likes: 149
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,487
Likes: 149
I understand Bent but the longer you stay there the longer you will stay stuck. This isnt a phase shes going through this is who she has become. Do yourself a favor and believe her.

Last edited by LH19; 12/20/20 10:02 PM.

M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 488
Likes: 8
S
ScottB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 488
Likes: 8
Im definitely not afraid of no longer missing her. It feels more like the opposite; I wish i didnt miss her. I wish I didnt have the feelings. Today was another small step though; I went to church with the kids and she sat with us. At the sign of peace I reached to shake her hand and she gave me a cross look, I was annoyed but whatever.

In the way to our ski hill I felt feelings of anxiety related to the end of the marriage. I also recognized that i probably wouldnt have been going skiing with the kids today if she was around. I took the kids skiing and didnt think too much about her at all. Just enjoyed time with the kids.

My daughter needed to get some stuff at her house and I walked her to the door but stayed outside. My STBXW said I could come in instead of standing in the cold. We talked a little about the kids and then I left. I didnt really have any sad or anxious or bad feelings when I left, which was good. The kids are doing well and seem happy. I would still like to reconcile but its not on me and it wont be soon so Ill just keep GALing.

Tomorrow I have a call with my DB coach which will be interesting. Im curious as to what that conversation will look like at this time.

We are planning to celebrate Christmas together but she never answered any of the questions I had asked about what it would look like or where she would sleep - and as Steve pointed out it was funny that she didnt answer those questions in the same email that she said we needed to communicate better. Whatever.

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,487
Likes: 149
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,487
Likes: 149
So Scotty B you guys see each other more then some married couples. Its going to be really hard for her to miss you when you guys are in constant contact.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,398
Likes: 25
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,398
Likes: 25
Originally Posted by ScottB
I went to church with the kids and she sat with us. At the sign of peace I reached to shake her hand and she gave me a cross look
Always interesting...I remember the same thing from my X. Hopefully your W is not following in my X's footsteps...I think she broke most of the sacraments multiple times,,,,then claims she is catholic.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 488
Likes: 8
S
ScottB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 488
Likes: 8
R2C - Kind of like this: Commandments are suggestions and covenants are made to be broken.

Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
I think she broke most of the sacraments multiple times,,,,then claims she is catholic.


So easy for a WAS to spin things to justify them. It might go something like this- "God wants me to be happy and he knows how unhappy I am in this marriage, and how a fling with someone new will make me happy again, therefore God approves of me having an affair." I mean after all, it's all the LBS's fault the WAS needs this fling so badly. If God wants to blame someone...

I'm sure one of you guys will recall, was it in one of Michele's books or someone else's that gets into the WAS's "rationalization hamster"? That little sucker's legs go a million miles an hour non stop.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard