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Originally Posted by Steve85
What is really unhealthy is forgetting about one man, by obsessing about another.


Sounds like something a WS would do


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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You are 100% cognitively aware of what you are doing. I get that. But I canít see what you are doing to remedy this very unhealthy otters and coping mechanism

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[/quote]I am cognitively aware of this... I've been able to block STBXH out of my head 95% of the day... [/quote]

Just wait until you get your heart broken by a new guy, all the pain you think you are healing from with your H will come back 10 fold.

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I hit enter too soon....

There are no shortcuts. You can feel the pain from your H cheating/leaving you now. Or you can slap a band aid on it, date around, and feel it later.

Either way, you will feel the pain. Whether that's now, or 3 years from now when your next relationship ends.

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Originally Posted by Thornton
[/quote]I am cognitively aware of this... I've been able to block STBXH out of my head 95% of the day...


Just wait until you get your heart broken by a new guy, all the pain you think you are healing from with your H will come back 10 fold.[/quote]

I get that... that's why I'm trying like crazy to not contact this guy. I'm very much aware I'm setting myself up for something stupid. Its just so easy to text and get a response... that's just stupid and keeps me on the hamster wheel.

Maybe I can hit the reset button while I'm in Seattle.

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I completely understand that after months and months of agony, there is finally an oasis, a break from the pain. And it becomes addicting because we don't want to feel shitty anymore.

BUT... there truly are no shortcuts. If there were, myself and every other LBS would have found them by now.

It's one thing to have someone hurt you. It's another thing when you willfully hurt yourself.

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Originally Posted by KitCat
Leave it to me to find the one guy on the planet who doesn't find a Brazilian sexy as F as he was texting me to reconsider (FYI I've been getting full Brazilians for nearly a decade) I teased him that if I was to make such a change that he would need to step up his "efforts" in whatever this was.... and he turned that around by saying - Ha.


So am I understanding this correctly? He wants you to change your personal grooming habits to suit his tastes, but he laughed at your suggestion that he needed to step up the relationship efforts? Well doesn't he sound like quite the find. He sounds very controlling and manipulative, as if you didn't already have enough red flags surrounding him to consider.

KC, something to consider. Predatory men are drawn to vulnerable women like moths to a flame. Right now you are not attracting relationship material, you're attracting users and abusers. You're not going to attract quality, relationship-ready men until you're in a better place yourself.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Well the trip to Seattle was amazing.... actually stayed in Chelan right on the lake about 3 1/2hr west of Seattle. Due to Covid things were limited but still had an amazing time. I was up before the sun with the geese on lake with the beach completely to myself to watch the sunrise - beautiful!!!

The aerial tour of Rainier and St Helens was lost due to low visibility --- total bummer!!!

Had lunch with my SS20 and was able to make him 2 of his favorite pies at the condo to bring to him. Got together again a couple of days later to throw axes!!! It was good to see him though he suffers deeply from some issues.

During lunch I happened to mention that I heard SS20 dad purchased a forge... then SS20 was like "how much do you talk to my dad"... I just said I saw him when he brought puppy to office and we chatted awhile. I told SS20 we don't hate each other. SS20 replied "oh, so its not like my mom and my dad". We both laughed and I said - no it's not like that. SS20 let it drop that he was on the phone with his dad before meeting us for lunch and he let it slip to to his dad that he was meeting me and S19... apparently his dad was like "oh, what are you going to be doing".

It was a great catch up. SS20 recently lost his fiance' due to his poor choices so he's trying to heal and get his crap together. I was supportive. I told him I was Bumble when he told him he was on Tinder and we giggled. Told him I found someone I really liked and it was going okay. Then both SS20 and S19 wanted to how I met STBXH. Funny, I thought they knew the story??? Anyway told them both we met on Match and again we are all laughing.

I was surprised that STBXH texted and then called me last Monday. Apparently there was a problem with the cell phone bill. He was like - "are you still on vaca?" Uhm... yes. The timeshare sent him my itinerary so he knows I am, but whatever. I apologized as that had to be my error. He was fine with it and told me what he did and I told him I would look into it and get back to him when I was home. I then said "while I have you I want to send you a picture for some help". Basically I had identified every track on the beach except for one. So sent him the pic of tracks in snow that were a little melty. He identified it as otter!!! I was so stoked because it was just 20feet from my door. I was out ever morning before sunrise and early evening but never actually got see him. Anyway he just started opening up about how he was going to be in Seattle next spring and his Pennsylvania bike trip was on hold - I just said oh? He let me know is bff is moving to Seatlle... blah blah blah. I responded with support and not asking questions or probing but ended the convo with stating I was heading up the mountain and to have a great day.

Went about the rest of my week and was surprised again when STBXH texted on Xmas Eve if I had travel plans in March. I do - and he know this because again the timeshare sent him my travel itinerary but I was gracious and just replied I will be X the 5th-12th. He later replied would I take the puppy while he was gone for 3 weeks at the end of March. I replied "would love to"... he answered "ok, great". I did not continue the convo. I get it 1) if he's asking me it means OW is going with him --- I really don't care. 2) I'm saving him several hundred dollars by not paying 3 weeks of boarding --- this dog is WAY to active to be boarded for 3 weeks and I'd rather him be with me so don't really care that he's getting this benefit.

^^^Yup I've been friendzoned by the STBXH.... sigh.

In the meantime I'm still dealing with this stupid dopamine chemical in my brain that keeps me fixated on the pilot. I made it where I can no longer text him.... I don't see him reaching out but that's the only way I can communicate with him... if he does so first.

I have an appt with my atty in 3 days. I will be having her file for D. I hope I'm on the right path.

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Lol. Youíre too much KK. I thought H would never find out your dating. Sure sounds like itís going ok with the pilot.

Heal yourself W before you really get yourself into another mess.

Good job on GAL though.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
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Originally Posted by LH19
Lol. Youíre too much KK. I thought H would never find out your dating. Sure sounds like itís going ok with the pilot.

Heal yourself W before you really get yourself into another mess.

Good job on GAL though.


I'm always happy to be the comic relief... I'll see your hot mess and raise you a walking disaster smile

You know I just don't care. Let him know I'm dating. I've not shelved myself in hopes he comes running back. And, it was never going to work out with pilot. They never do... the first guy you sleep with after a long term relationship. He's just stepping stone toward a new life. Don't go feeling bad for him because he ghosted me... I was happy to be dating him for even FWB. Still my brain is not dealing with the withdraw from this guy.

And, too boot now I'm navigating this friendzone with STBXH... not sure how I feel about that.

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