"I will attend" is perfect. She has made her decision already known.
Steve throwing the curve ball!!
My original thought was talking to anyone is a good idea and even though she's a MC I thought she could have some advice for me. I didn't even think of cancelling until it was recommended. Now I'm torn.
The general guidance is to not attend MC with a wife that isn't committed to the marriage. That is the case in 90% of the couples that go to MC, and why MC has such a low rate of saving marriages.
There are exceptions. I went against traditional thinking and my W and I attended MC. BUT we got lucky in that the MC saw my W had one foot out the door and she focused on me, and my 180s. It was like IC with my W present. Until my W got to the point where she said she was leaning towards staying rather than going, then the MC transitioned into more traditional MC sessions for us.
The biggest problem is that most WAWs agree to go just to check it off the list: 'yep, we tried MC' Cancelling is a fine option. In fact I advocate you responding with "I have decided the MC is a waste of time at this point, so I will be cancelling all future sessions. I plan on attending IC to work on myself."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I decided to go, not to work on the marriage as much as to just to talk to a professional who has heard both sides of our story. I figure it won't hurt anything and our counselor has been a straight shooter so far.
I just took the next 2 days off of work. I'm just a wreck today and can't stop crying. Nothing has changed, but for whatever reason I can't deal with it all today.
"I know that you're quiet and or busy. Just letting you know Julie (a friend) is on her way to get me. We are going out for coffee and she will drop me off at my mom's."
I just took the next 2 days off of work. I'm just a wreck today and can't stop crying. Nothing has changed, but for whatever reason I can't deal with it all today.
Sorry to hear you're feeling like this Salty. Its ok to cry and feel what you feel.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
I decided to go, not to work on the marriage as much as to just to talk to a professional who has heard both sides of our story. I figure it won't hurt anything and our counselor has been a straight shooter so far.
I made the classic mistake of getting my W to an MC session, hoping it would fix everything. In hindsight it was crazy to think it would do anything given that she was regularly sleeping over at OM's house. The MC tried his best for 2 hours and I genuinely thought we had a chance, but when he said dump the OM for 6 months and just try, all she said was getting back together is 100% off the table. I somehow convinced her to come to a second session, she even sat there and booked it with me. Predictably, she didn't show up, I went anyway. It was useful, the MC gave me the advice he would have given me anyway, it was prepaid so seemed silly not to go. I got something out of it.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
I decided to go, not to work on the marriage as much as to just to talk to a professional who has heard both sides of our story. I figure it won't hurt anything and our counselor has been a straight shooter so far.
I made the classic mistake of getting my W to an MC session, hoping it would fix everything. In hindsight it was crazy to think it would do anything given that she was regularly sleeping over at OM's house. The MC tried his best for 2 hours and I genuinely thought we had a chance, but when he said dump the OM for 6 months and just try, all she said was getting back together is 100% off the table. I somehow convinced her to come to a second session, she even sat there and booked it with me. Predictably, she didn't show up, I went anyway. It was useful, the MC gave me the advice he would have given me anyway, it was prepaid so seemed silly not to go. I got something out of it.
It is interesting because she was the one to suggest MC, find the therapist, set up the appointment, etc. But now, as other have noted, it was most likely to check off "I tried counseling" off her list.
But now, as other have noted, it was most likely to check off "I tried counseling" off her list.
Mine went with the intention of using it to learn to separate and co-parent amicably. I hope you find it helpful going along solo. And keep going Salty, trust me that it does get easier. Like anything, effort gets results.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
I’m sorry you’re struggling man this is very difficult stuff especially around the holidays. Like Bent said it will get easier but you are going to have some rough days ahead. Be patient with yourself. You’ll come out of this a better person for sure. Keep your chin up.
