What's New Today pt2

[Gerda]

It is very true that you can't rely on the house value going up. In my case my house is worth almost double what we paid for it and it's how I pay for my kids' housing -- plus there is a ton of marital debt, and taking it out of his equity share is not only the only way to ensure H will have to pay his half of the debt, but it's also a great way to reduce the amount of the buy out.

If you have an aged parent, you can also consider having that parent move in with you for a time to buy out your H if you can carve out a separate space. (And if your parent is really aged, it's worth considering that at some point you may have some inheritance that you can add to the buy out funds.)

I do think that in real estate there is going to be value in keeping a place that you already have because of closing costs and moving costs even if prices dropped a bit. I have done well with that stuff via intuition and a bit of risk, but I am also okay with living very poorly for a little while to do it. If you have an amazing place in Hawaii and can easily rent it and use the rents to pay for a smaller place and your mortgage or be creative in some other way (e.g., another single mom and kid as roommates), that to me sounds like a good investment until you get a clear head and feel more settled about choosing what you are going to do with your life. In my case, I would much rather buy my H out somehow someway, even if it's expensive, and then in a year or two sell my place all by myself without the stress and strain and horror of having to deal with all that crazy anger from him and that voracious Uriah Heep appetite for money from his lawyer.

But KmL's very practical numbers-only-crunching is definitely key!

[may22]

OK yay I can contribute!

Real estate in Hawaii is a good investment, generally. We didn't take any real hit in 2008. The only time prices have gone down in the last 30 years was after the Japanese crash in the 90s. Unless there is some issue with the home (or if it is in a flood zone and/or on the ocean, with rising sea levels) it is worth holding onto. My best friend is a realtor, owns a bunch of properties and her company also manages rental properties (I sooooooo wish I could introduce her to you because she would take care of you in a heartbeat, but I think we are on different islands). Inventory is very very low and prices continue to go up.

Now the rental market is a different story right now, with the economy where it is both for unemployment and the tourism market... but if you have a renter in your rental unit who has been making payments thus far and didn't need to tap into the rental assistance program with the state, you're probably fine. When tourism comes back, though, I'd definitely look into Airbnb for either the smaller place or if you need more income, moving into the smaller unit and either looking for a long-term renter or Airbnb-ing the larger home. My friend has done this and while she was sad about it at first, she made her little place SUPER cute, she still has access to the yard etc., and her rental income basically covers the mortgage.

If you were open to sharing your #s, when you bought, what you bought it for, what you currently owe on your mortgage, and even the Zillow estimate of the current value, that would help... but I'd be floored if you hadn't been building significant equity. We bought our house in 2012 for $800k. It had been purchased in 2010 for $600k. When I went through comps in my D prep, I'm estimating $1.3 - $1.4m. that does include improvements, but Zillow thinks it is worth $1.1m without any improvements. People that I know that rent out their small units (this is very common here) are generally getting 1/3+ of their total mortgage covered with the rent... and as I mentioned, my friend that rents out the main home has her whole mortgage covered with that rent.

I think you can do it... at least, I wouldn't give up until you really crunch the numbers. I also really think you can lowball him and he'd consider it.

Hang in there.

M

[CanBird]

I crunched. Buy Out: $118,000 (that's AFTER my down payment is taken off, and nothing else)..

There are tenants in the rental now, so moving to the smaller place could'nt happen right away. The main house isn't that much bigger. Both places have 2 bdrms.

Main: bigger living area, 2 bdrm & office (not private; vaulted/open ceiling/door has thin-closet-doors.
*Not really an ideal home for "sharing". Has a garage.

Rental: 500sqft 2bdrm. Tiny closets. As wide as a door.

We legally can't do AirB&B/vac rentals. That was our original plan, but an addendum was made so certain residential areas are not allowed to do so. Heavy heavy fines in the thousands of dollars if your caught doing so illegally.

I'm fortunate to have a paying tenant with a steady job. So many people struggling. This is one blessing through this. IF we did have a legal vac rental, we would have been out thousands from the pandemic. Tourisum shut right down. Just picking up again.

So that's that. I'm redoing my monthly budgets. I've done the numbers so many times.

I cant pay him off with that lump sum. He'd have to get payments. And I'd offer less.
He'd probably want $100,000.

Oh what fun. I appreciate the cheer squad. I'm doing a little bit daily to push us forward. Lots of things listed to sell. If we havent used it...lose it. Also working on getting child care assistance. Got my health care assistance already. D4 is covered by xh. If that changes, she'll get help from my plan.

Geez! Chritmas is closing in! Zero gifts bought. Friday I'll get a few.

Be well. Be safe.

[may22]

Okay!

Don't forget if you were to sell, you'd need to pay the broker fees and closing costs, all of which would eat away at how much he'd take away. Remind him of that when you make the offer.

Can you afford your mortgage payments with the current arrangement between work, child support, and rental income?

What is your interest rate on your current mortgage?

Depending on when you bought and what your current interest rate is, it is possible for you to get a good chunk of that buyout sum out of the equity in your home and still afford the mortgage payments. IDK if that is better-- owing the bank or owing him-- guessing you can work it out with him so that you're not paying interest to him, so if he'd accept payments over time that would probably be the easiest.

And yes-- totally agree on it being a blessing that you have a long term tenant who is doing okay.

TBH I think given that the rental is a 2 bedroom, even if it is small, you probably couldn't charge much more for the bigger house than what you're getting for the smaller one.

Congrats on getting so much done-- child care assistance, health care assistance, selling stuff you don't need-- that is all terrific.

[kml]

I think the problem with refinancing the home is she wouldn't be able to qualify?

You really need to do the math both ways (keeping the house versus selling) and figure out what you can manage.

IF you can refinance the house to pay off ex OR if he will stay on the mortgage while you make payments to him towards that $100k while quit-claiming the deed to you - you have to figure out if you can carry that financial load.

Alternatively, you could sell the home, take your $100k split, buy a condo if mortgage and carrying costs are less than rent, OR, if that's going to be more expensive than renting, you could rent.

OR you could take your $100k to some part of the country where that buys you more in terms of property. How wedded are you to staying in the islands?

It would be nice if you could afford to keep the rental property and be in a position for the rental to pay your mortgage at some point when you retire but that seems like a big stretch given your current financial status. You're in the somewhat difficult position of having to plan for your future retirement while still raising a small child.

(And speaking of retirement - how does your new citizenship affect retirement? Are you allowed to double dip, from Social Security here and whatever you had in your home country? Is one better than the other? Could you end up with just half the retirement benefits you should have because you only get credit for half a career in one country? Were you married for at least ten years? You need to factor this in to the equation. Is it worth it to stay here if it means less money to retire on? )

[CanBird]

Hi May, Happy to hear from you again.

Okay!

Don't forget if you were to sell, you'd need to pay the broker fees and closing costs, all of which would eat away at how much he'd take away. Remind him of that when you make the offer.

Can you afford your mortgage payments with the current arrangement between work, child support, and rental income?

Whatever the final offer comes to, it's an amount I'll need help with.

The current arrangement with work is not looking so good. Hours have been reduced, and we'll be closed for holidays. The New Year looks slow too. I don't know if there will be a need for me. I'm currently in that 90 day probation period, which ends January 19th, if there is even work for me. Looking at other job options.

For now there is the rental income. I do have money in savings, and there is CS. Can I afford the mortgage? Yes, but it'll be dipping into savings. Guess that's what it's there for.

What is your interest rate on your current mortgage?

3.5% on the mortgage. And the other loan is at 4%. Both are in XH name.

Depending on when you bought and what your current interest rate is, it is possible for you to get a good chunk of that buyout sum out of the equity in your home and still afford the mortgage payments. IDK if that is better-- owing the bank or owing him-- guessing you can work it out with him so that you're not paying interest to him, so if he'd accept payments over time that would probably be the easiest.

Bought in 2013. Not sure what he's open to, but who knows.

And yes-- totally agree on it being a blessing that you have a long term tenant who is doing okay.

TBH I think given that the rental is a 2 bedroom, even if it is small, you probably couldn't charge much more for the bigger house than what you're getting for the smaller one.

Congrats on getting so much done-- child care assistance, health care assistance, selling stuff you don't need-- that is all terrific.

Yes, the tenants are a blessing. A couple who have both been through D, so they understand what I'm going through.

Total agree with you on not being able to charge much more for the main house. I'm cutting down my costs in other ways here and there. No A/C during "winter"..lol... (luckily we have solar any way) ..

Thank you for the congrats on the things I have done ; )

[CanBird]

Another one of those sleepless nights. Well, I was asleep, with the slider door open, a nice breeze coming through and then I heard loud arguing. It was coming from the house behind me. A very loud tv. Think it was the movie "The God Father". I call this neighbor, Mr. Music Man. Sometimes during the day he will play meditative music very loud. He has small speakers that are pointed towards my house. He doesn't like the sound of my pool pump, which has to run, and is in a box. I sent him a letter letting him know I'll be working to improve the box to cut down on the noise. He not a sane person, so I'm told by both of my next door neighbors. I try not to let him get to me. I have enough on my plate.

I've been listing things for sale and sold my vintage bicycle today. It was bittersweet, as I had a lot of memories, before baby, even before I was married. But, it was collecting dust. It had to go. I've got a few other it's to go. Sadly, they belong to D4. Again, things that are collecting dust and taking up TOO much room. Thank goodness we have a garage! I've got buyers coming on Friday when she's in daycare. Easier to avoid a possible scene.

D4 was asking about her dad today. "When is Daddy coming home?" We were driving around when she asked, had picked up dinner, with the money I got for my bike, I didn't answer. After we picked dinner up, she asked again. All I could muster up was, "That's a good question...." We had a nice sunset picnic, and we didn't talk about XH. I'm feeling like I need to address her question, and I feel bad that I didn't answer her. She deserves to know something.

I don't know where Xh is. An item that he ordered from Amazon, came to house yesterday. It's a kettle bell, for working out. I'm assuming he's unaware it got sent here. Because I know what the item is, and it seems unimportant, I'm not going to contact him about it. He can reach out. I'm not ready to talk with him. Not ready to talk about the house.

The last email I sent him was a schedule of when the best times to contact D4 would be. He had reached out and asked, so I thought that sending him her weekly routine would help in figuring out a time to call. He hasn't reached out again. He continues to be a ghost. To be selfish. He doesn't even contact his parents. He ignores everyone. For him, it's easier than facing them. That's on him.

I've enjoyed not working as much this week and spending more time with D4. Tomorrow we are going to see Santa, Covid style. Why not? It's a surprise I'm trying to be happy, but I find myself on the brink of that breaking down feeling. Time for a good cry I guess, Release the tears! Not a bad thing.

Okay. Time to try and sleep again.

[CanBird]

Ps- I was tired last night..that package that came for xh is from a vitamin store...lol.. shows people working out..lol.. there is not a kettle bell inside..lol..

Still tired.

[kml]

I'm feeling like I need to address her question, and I feel bad that I didn't answer her. She deserves to know something.

She does, whatever the answer is. I'd simply contact ex and say "D has been asking when you will be home. How would you like to answer this? "

I mean, he may be planning to come see her. Or he may not. You should find out so you can manage her expectations. I mean, you will need to find a way to tell her about the divorce, but her question right now is more immediate - when will she see him? So the answer might be "he's coming to visit you in January" or it might be "he hasn't told me yet" or it might be "he's decided to live with another woman in France and won't be able to come see you until next summer" or whatever the truth is.

What do you think is triggering her asking? Does she associate Xmas with the time when he would be home? Do you think she's overheard things that are making her question whether he'll come at all? Has she been talking to him about when he's coming and he's given her some idea that it would be real soon?

(And yes, your ex is a CREEP for leaving his little girl hanging. Looking back, do you see any signs that he wasn't attached, or that he had narcissistic tendencies?)

[DnJ]

Hello Can

I agree with kml. D4 does need an answer. Remember, it’s ok to not have all the answers.

D4 was asking about her dad today. "When is Daddy coming home?" We were driving around when she asked, had picked up dinner, with the money I got for my bike, I didn't answer. After we picked dinner up, she asked again. All I could muster up was, "That's a good question...."

Tell D4:

That’s a good question. I don’t know when Dad is planning on coming home. I’ll ask him.

Stay strong girl. You are doing fine.

D