Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
#2910619 12/15/20 10:35 PM
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
Continuing my journey on text replies and Xmas wrapping...
Previous thread

Recap:

Wife initiated a separation but wanted to to keep things open. Still says she loves me (but not in love), still affectionate, and all that stuff. But also likely having an EA and she's now on a trip where is might have become a PA (don't know). She's also joined dating sites because she just wants to meet and talk to people (yeah). So mixed messages. Says she'd like for me to date her, wants to keep family together and do things, etc. Have her cake and eat it too.

Last edited by SaltyDog; 12/15/20 10:41 PM.
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,325
Likes: 52
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,325
Likes: 52
Any new thoughts on ending the nesting situation?

This is some wayward wife's dream scenario. I knew a real-life couple who did this. Ended terribly for the one who wanted to keep the relationship alive (frequently finding used condoms upset him).




Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Any new thoughts on ending the nesting situation?

In the real-life situations I've known, this has been a wayward wife's dream scenario.


No, not really. Looking back I got sucked into it and she did a helluva job selling me on it. Now we got a 9 month lease on the place so kinda stuck and doubt she'd give it up at this point. And there's the issue of me actually enjoying my time there (not because of Tinder dates!) but to have some peace away from all the craziness that is Covid online school with 3 kids and a dog. The dog isn't in online school, just the kids. When I'm there I can read uninterrupted, workout, meditate, and just work on myself. She's told me it is hard for her when I am there though because she is wondering what I'M doing and has thoughts that bother her. But that doesn't mean much because it isn't enough to stop her doing what she's doing. So my thinking is that we're stuck with the studio, but our interactions as a "family" need to change. No more family dinners. No more coming over and helping out with something. And be "separated" in the real sense vs. fantasy. The only ringer is Xmas. Like I said I don't want this to ruin it for the kids and want it to be as normal as possible since there's a good chance it is the last we have together as a family. So any big changes in the separation will need to wait until after. Unless another bomb gets dropped in the meantime.

Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 651
Likes: 11
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 651
Likes: 11
Ginger and LH, point taken about that being dating in my 20s. The last time I dated was I my 20s, next year I’ll be 40. That attitude will be something I look more into, thanks for the advice.

Salty, sorry for the hijack. Just to confirm, You and the W stay at the same extra apartment when each of you is not with the kids? ie you don’t have one each?


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Salty, sorry for the hijack. Just to confirm, You and the W stay at the same extra apartment when each of you is not with the kids? ie you don’t have one each?

Yes. The original idea was to get a place for both of us to work on ourselves outside of the house with all the distractions. At that time, the idea of going on dating sites as part of the "working on ourselves" wasn't on the table explicitly. So I go there for a week, she is at home with the boys, and then we swap. Usually we do it on a Sunday where we will have a family dinner.

Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 651
Likes: 11
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 651
Likes: 11
How do you feel about the thought of her having a man there in the week she is by herself?

I hate the thought of even being inside my W’s apartment knowing that she has OM there in the regular


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
How do you feel about the thought of her having a man there in the week she is by herself?

I hate the thought of even being inside my W’s apartment knowing that she has OM there in the regular

I know this will sound naive, but I'm certain that hasn't happened there (yet). The potential OM is in the state where she is now, and that's a different story about whether anything has happened. My guess is that is has. I'm still grappling with the idea and what I will do if/when it comes out. I don't want to ask, because as we discussed before she's going to either lie or be pushed away. In the event that a PA is confirmed, my thought is I will end things. Of course that's easier said than done being a "nice guy."

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,017
Likes: 116
L
Member
Online
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,017
Likes: 116
Yo Salty do not worry about pushing her away. She’s already gone. Things typically need to get worse before they get better in these situations.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by LH19
Yo Salty do not worry about pushing her away. She’s already gone. Things typically need to get worse before they get better in these situations.

I know you're right. The thing that's killing me now is Xmas and the boys and can I put on a happy face around her (and her mom and step dad who will be here, hooray!) and make it through it without losing my sh!t. The day after Xmas I'm already booked to get out of town, but that seems like a long way away.

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,325
Likes: 52
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,325
Likes: 52
Hi SaltyDog,

Originally Posted by SaltyDog
The thing that's killing me now is Xmas and the boys and can I put on a happy face around her (and her mom and step dad who will be here, hooray!) and make it through it without losing my sh!t.

That's a great goal--putting on a happy face for Christmas! I would amend it slightly--a happy face around your boys makes sense, but you don't need to put on a show for your stbxw or her parents.



Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard