Rebuilding and renewal - 1

[bttrfly]

very telling Andrew.

[AndrewP]

Just a wee bit of news.

S came by to drop off S18 and pick up her mail and check to see what's left. She seems to be doing ok. Currently in a dispute with her brother because he wants her to pay rent if she stays in the house. She said she'll probably be in there "for a few months" so that is perhaps settled for now at least. Obviously she would prefer to not pay rent.

Her current plan seems to be to stop in whenever she's passing by and pick up another load in her van. She did say that she may need to rent a truck to get some of it and I offered that if she had stuff she was planning on selling / donating / sending to the dump that I could assist. It sounds like her large storage unit is pretty full and can't take much more - I didn't specifically ask as how her stuff is dealt with after it leaves here is none of my concern.

S18 isn't sure when he's going to be gone from here for Christmas with his family. He'd like to take the rabbits with him and I've made it clear that I would like the cats to be gone. I did offer to feed the rabbits if he wants them to stay here while he is away. Still no plans that I have any awareness of on exactly where he's going to be living but the whole clan seems to run very seat-of-the-pants and expects things to just work out. And from every indication I've seen, that is exactly what seems to happen for them.

I still find it weird on how she just so quickly switched to the "just friends" attitude that I've seen her have with the younger kids' Dad. But then again, she perhaps has a lot of practice and is undoubtedly grateful that I'm not being a jerk about things.

In other news I'm being re-organized. I currently report to the COO who is getting a few new bodies and so I'm being shuffled to report to the guy who I essentially work for anyway making my role doing planning etc a bit more official. I currently make quite a bit more than what this role would normally pay so I'm assuming that there won't be any pay raises for quite a while. I doubt that they would try to cut my pay but then again, you never know. Even though I make mistakes / don't always do things the way that the boss wants me to I think they believe I'm doing a decent job of it. It's a role that is vague enough that I can certainly grow it in a number of ways and I do know that they are looking at adding on more responsiblity to me. Despite the hours and the fact that I normally am never really "off the clock" this should add a lot to my ability to do things outside work hours like volunteering and stuff around the house and such. I may even be able to get out sailing more as I will be driving right past a nice little lake that I've sailed on before.

So I'm looking at it as a positive.

I think Santa has also figured out what to give a particular bow-tie wearing single Dad for Christmas. I can't wait to find out. I'm trying very hard to be a good boy.

[kml]

I offered that if she had stuff she was planning on selling / donating / sending to the dump that I could assist.

lol. If she was willing to get rid of stuff you wouldn't be in this spot in the first place.

I still find it weird on how she just so quickly switched to the "just friends" attitude that I've seen her have with the younger kids' Dad. But then again, she perhaps has a lot of practice

This - lots of practice. This isn't her first rodeo nor the first time her hoarding has been a problem in a relationship. And truthfully, she might have found it annoying to be expected to act like an a responsible adult. It seems like she'd been semi-avoiding you for quite some time before the split, by staying up late and sleeping past noon. You might have seen more begging and pleading if she hadn't gotten an inheritance, but since she's (at least temporarily) financially independent, she's free to choose her "Precious" (in Gollum's voice) stuff over the difficult change that would have been required. She's probably reveling, at least for now, in the freedom to do what she wants (which isn't much) without judgment or expectation - just like a rebellious teen.

It's a disorganized, dysfunctional life, but she doesn't seem uncomfortable in it, nor likely to change. It's sad that she can't/won't seek help for her hoarding but it is what it is. Not your monkey not your circus.

[Westo]

I still find it weird on how she just so quickly switched to the "just friends" attitude that I've seen her have with the younger kids' Dad. But then again, she perhaps has a lot of practice and is undoubtedly grateful that I'm not being a jerk about things.

I don’t. I suspect that, deep down, she knew all along that you weren’t ‘in love’ with her. But more of a case of ‘she’ll do’.

I’m only saying this because that’s the impression you’ve given me. Where as with B, the impression was, you were in love with her, but I could be wrong, of course.

But S didn’t really care about that, because you provided a roof over their heads, even if “shabby” (what a blummin cheek) and copious takeaway meals. Oh and a storage facility.

All she had to do was perform every couple of weeks in the MBR.

If her dad hadn’t popped his clogs when he did, vacating his home and bank account, I think she’d be behaving very differently indeed.

[bttrfly]

the thing is, when something is forced, it doesn't usually work, period. nothing has a chance to take root and grow in an organic way, so the roots themselves are shallow, at best.

just my take.

[AndrewP]

I don’t. I suspect that, deep down, she knew all along that you weren’t ‘in love’ with her. But more of a case of ‘she’ll do’.

I’m only saying this because that’s the impression you’ve given me. Where as with B, the impression was, you were in love with her, but I could be wrong, of course.

Or you could be right. Mostly my own darned fault because I was mostly just going along with the flow rather than waiting to be "wowed". I could blame 26 years of an "adequate" marriage for a lack of expectations. Certainly a lesson learned.

the thing is, when something is forced, it doesn't usually work, period. nothing has a chance to take root and grow in an organic way, so the roots themselves are shallow, at best.

just my take.

Absolutely true. Even on a physical level S and her crew had a habit of forcing things. I recall seeing their fridge door propped closed with a chair because it wouldn't stay closed otherwise. A year ago where I was with S was telling her that I could not see a path from where we were to where we could be. We were at "A" and I wanted to be at "C" and had no plan. She assured me she had one - it seems that it was just forcing things to happen and I went along with it.

I think that things can grow quickly - but it requires a special combination of circumstances and nurturing which wasn't here. And the roots were indeed so shallow that when I pushed, the whole thing just fell over.

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Work has been an increasing set of challenges and I have soooo much to learn and complications to navigate.

I made the day of the lead hand who does the actual work that I plan. He came in on a weekend to unload a trailer and I joked that I owed him cookies. So I dropped a large tin of Christmas cookies on his desk with a thank-you note on them. He was very pleased - I don't think that anything like that has happened before for him. I personally find that little recognitions go a long long way. He's been a great help to me as he's being doing his job for probably 40 years or more and doesn't hesitate to tell me when I've done things wrong.

Now that I'm more "official" some of the dynamics are changing. The general manager of the plant is a big tough guy like you would expect. He's also pretty supportive but rather - ahem - direct. There have been several occasions when he's pushed me hard to get something done - often things that are technically someone else's job who isn't doing it. Tough to deal with. I have moderately thick skin but getting back into dealing with people like him more regularly is going to take some work. We'll need each other because it appears that my role will eventually be planning what he's going to make and ship and his role is to tell me that I'm full of bull-pucky and that what I'm asking for doesn't make sense.

It's going to be stressful and a lot of work and I'm looking forward to it.

On another note, I'm still seeing supply chain disruptions. We're having trouble getting trucks in and I'm seeing more independent truckers rather than the fleet guys who have been booked. I had 15 tonnes of product to go out yesterday and when the driver eventually show up he was having a lot of problems with his rig. It took him over 10 minutes to be able to back up to the dock and the yard is fairly big and open. And that was with the second person he had on board who was trying to guide him in. The tractor was pretty beat up looking as well and when he left he was waaay down on his shocks. Normally a rig that size should be able to handle about 30 tonnes without issue. I don't know where they found him but he certainly wasn't at the calibre of driver we would normally see.

I was talking to one of our regular drivers yesterday and he was saying that a lot of drivers are refusing loads that take them outside their local zones.

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S came by late yesterday. I was up in the office actually reading on here when she came in. I chose to not engage. I presume that her S18 let her in although she still has a key and I didn't hear the doorbell. I believe she was on her way from her D26's place to her Dad's place and picked up a load in her van. Not very much stuff left but her aloe plant did which is one less thing for me to worry about. I'm not sure if they have souls or not, but it is a living thing that I am no longer responsible for. The cats are both still here - I have my fingers crossed that at least one will be leaving before Christmas. I'm going to nudge S18 again for that.

I looked around and there wasn't a lot taken out this time but am not too worried about that at present. The most important thing is S18 finding a new place and I don't know as any real work has been done on that but since it's not something I'm involved in I don't know.

I have 2 weeks of vacation booked in mid-February and intend on giving the house a good clean and smudged and whatever. I also hope to get some renovating done which will be much easier. I think S never understood that it was difficult working in S13's room with it packed full of stuff that was just laying "everywhere".

She did give me a brief update before she left on what she took. There still is the inner urge to be sweet and give her a hug but it's fairly easy to avoid. Re-opening that door is a truly bad idea.

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Going out shortly to pick up my Christmas tree from my youngest brother's farm. I'm grateful to him for letting me have one.

[LH19]

A year ago where I was with S was telling her that I could not see a path from where we were to where we could be. We were at "A" and I wanted to be at "C" and had no plan. She assured me she had one - it seems that it was just forcing things to happen and I went along with it.

So Andrew in the future when you prematurely cohabitate lol why don't as the man in the relationship you take the lead?

[AndrewP]

Happy Sunday all. Only a few more days until Christmas - I'm trying my best to not be naughty.

I was able to pick up my Christmas tree on Friday from my youngest brother. It turns out that he had a number of spruce trees next to his driving shed that he wanted to thin out so it was all good. We spotted one that was about 24' tall - a "touch" to tall for my living room - that had a nice top so he brought it down and lopped it off at about 10'. When I got it home I trimmed it back to about 7'. It looks nice and I'm grateful to him.

They are anti-masker sorts but didn't seem to have an issue now with the fact that I was wearing my even considering that we were outside and at a distance. My young nephew (4) though was very upset and wouldn't talk to me until I took my mask off and then - from a distance and inside this big shed he was then happier and explained to "Uncle Andy" on how he was busy fixing his tractor. He has his own work bench and had his tractor all apart and was having a lot of fun. Sad in some ways that he's picked up those attitudes from his parents.

While I was there my sister-in-law gave me some sage and instructions on how to burn it so I may do that today while I have a soak in the tub.

I had a nice brunch with my S26 today - he was actually over in my part of the world so I made a reservation at the local coffee shop we used to have breakfast at and we had a nice visit. He's been keeping pretty isolated as well but was "in town" to do some of his Christmas shopping.

We talked about Christmas plans and I said that my hope was that he would come by early afternoon, we could do the gift exchange including with the Seattle family members, have some roast duck and pie. My daughter thinks that this should work for them as well. From the vagueness and confusion from my son, I'm presuming that his mother hasn't told him of any plans but then she's got a "lot" more complicated deal going on as OM has at least 3 kids and assorted grand-kids. Although given current COVID circumstances there's no way to know if they are all staying separate or not. OM is probably getting close to 70 at this point I think so I would assume is high risk. Seems really really weird to write that. Gives me hope that when I get to 70 that I'll still be interested in poontang And 10 years ago I would have been surprised if it lasted past 50.

I have pretty much all my presents present and wrapped. I did notice a strong scent of dog urine still in the carpet. Sigh - it's probably going to have to get tossed. I also noticed that some small folding tables that I had appear to have left the building. Sigh again. I'm not worried about them enough to ask for S to bring them back. They would have been taken in her last run through. I still have one so it's all good but still - grumble.

Not much else going on. Pork chops for dinner tonight. I've been slowly going through the fridge, freezer and pantry and segregating the things that are obviously S's. I'm going to continue slowly packing up, cleaning and organizing. While I'm not quite to the "your walls will sing" stage, they are at least humming a merry tune. When I can get the cats, bunnies and S18 out then I can ramp up. S18 will probably be picked up by his sister on Wednesday evening or Thursday morning. I asked if the cats would be going too and he said yes but we'll see if that happens. His sister has a toddler, a German Shepard and husband and a small car that will probably be very full already. If his mother gets him then that's different.

Ah well - time to run the water for my tub.

[AndrewP]

Stressed out. We're going back into lockdown as of Boxing Day. Not unexpected and very good public policy.

I will admit that S's comments on hoarding food struck me as she wanted to have 2 months worth of food in the house. Thinking it through, I probably have over a month's worth here although it would get fairly repetitive and protein based. I am a bit worried because I have no haggis and Robbie Burns Day is coming up next month.

I'm not planning on going into the plant between now and the New Year anyway but talking to my boss today the implication seemed to be that he's going to go back to zero people in the office until spring.

I had to reshuffle the plant's schedule for the first time because I had a load postponed because the driver is sick with Covid. It meant that another run of product had to be cancelled because that supplier couldn't go with the alternate date and is lower priority. My lead hand is off starting on Christmas Eve until the New Year so I won't have nearly so much to do. I have I think 3 loads to get out - about 75 tonnes of a product I've only scheduled once before. It's a tricky process for this product - things have to be done in the right order other wise "bad things" happen but the guys who are going to do the actual work have been well prepared.

As far as the lockdown goes, I'll be fine. I'll double check with my son to be see if he's comfortable coming to Christmas dinner. He doesn't socialize outside of work and not really in there either although a couple of the guys on his shift are off pending test results. If he doesn't get here, then he doesn't. In lieu of a Christmas party his employer gave him a turkey which he's looking forward to trying to cook himself. He's never done that before. I would like to think that given that he's had a front row seat to my own culinary experimentation that he probably has little fear of trying new things.

For here I have my usual duck and side dishes all ready to go. I did find frozen bread dough - something I remember from my youth that my mother would have. I didn't think it existed commercially any more. I tried a loaf the other day and it turned out fairly well other than it didn't rise as well as I hoped. The instructions say to "let rise in a warm place" and in my house there are no warm places as I keep the thermostat low.

A bit of residual stress as well because I had an "almost" plumbing emergency. The tap on the upstairs tub has been weeping for some years and I noticed a drip from it this morning. Looking more closely the housing itself was cracked. I had vague memories of the local hardware store still carrying the exact same tap I had installed by a plumber 20+ years ago and sure enough they had 1. I spent some time on an extended lunch and replaced it. Easy peasy although it took some time, patience and a BFW. I was stressed in part because those sort of repairs can quickly get out of hand and I've learned to not do them when the hardware store (or local plumber) is closed.

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In other news, the tidying continues. It seems that on her last trip through that S took the tea trays / folding side tables that I had - she maybe thought they were her's. I'm not too worried about it but am annoyed. Not annoyed enough to ask for them back though. I have probably 90% of S's stuff out of the dining room now and hope to reclaim it soon. There's no rush to get a new dining room table. I was talking to the kids and they both agree that this is an ideal time to re-imagine how I use the house. Having a formal dining room is nice though. I've not really been able to use it since the summer time. S and her kids managed to re-stack the "stuff" that was packed in there so we did have a couple of meals in that room but it never was what I considered usable once her stuff started coming in and piling up. I know that I can get a replacement table fairly cheap - used furniture is astoundingly inexpensive if you are patient and flexible.

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I talked to S's S18 when I drove him in to work at lunch. He's being picked up by his oldest sister on Wednesday after work and expects to take both cats and all three rabbits with him to his Mom's place. While I'm all in favour of this, they will already have 2 adults, a toddler, presents, luggage and a German Shepard in a rather small car. I'm tempted to reach out to his sister and check but no - not my job to figure these things out. I asked how it was going with him to get signed up for his program and reminded him that he needs to get everything sorted out by the end of January. I felt bad about putting that on the kid and part of me wanted to offer an extension - but now. He's 18. He has parents and other family.

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I have one last present to deal with then I'm done. I picked up some picture frames for my son - who has a completely undecorated apartment. In one small one I'm going to put a picture of him and his sister and am still trying to decide on the other. I had thought it would be nice to have all 4 of his grandparents in it but the good pictures I had of his mother's parents were deleted when I did a purge. I know my daughter has a copy but don't want to ask for them. I do have some neat pictures of his great-grandparents on my side that I may pick one of.

Feel a bit better having written. Time to get the mail and figure out dinner.

It's times like these that I miss having a partner. Even though she wasn't as good at it as she might have been, my ex could generally be counted on to have my back and just knowing that there was someone else there was always reassuring. Now - the buck stops here. And I've noticed that I'm missing having next to me when I wake up. I did dust off my old POF free account - a lot of faces that I recognize - nobody to date. I have quite a ways to go before I even consider the possibility again and have purposefully put no timeline on it beyond knowing that I won't even consider it until spring and all of the stuff related to S is completely sorted out AND that I've had some "me" time.

4 more sleeps and Santa will be here!

[DonH]

NO NO NO it’s not your problem. Let them figure out how to move the critters. As long as they are out from under your roof you are one step closer to your freedom - well freed9m from S anyhow. Now it’s freedom from the government we need. You still have work to do on reprogramming those auto responses you have to want to help.

As for more with the lockdowns, it’s getting towards insanity. We’ve been trying this for 9 months now with poor results. That’s in part because everyone has to be somewhere. Unless we figure out a way that every person on the planet can lock themselves in their homes and have zero contact with anyone from outside, people are going to share germs. Masks may help slightly but that’s the best you can hope for. Thinking a mask will eradicate a virus is foolish. Murder rates in many of the largest cities have hit all time highs. More and more small business are filing for bankruptcy daily. I just interviewed a psychiatrist and mental health services who just can’t keep up with the demand for services. We finally have a vaccine and they want to lock more down. Hospitalizations for covid in my state on thanksgiving were at 2,250 - the highest they have ever been. Much higher than after the first round of lockdowns, the highest after mask mandates, the highest after all the government attempts. Right there that should tell people something. Oh but wait, we were told a big thanksgiving wave was going to happen to the 2,250 already hospitalized. 7 days after thanksgiving we were at 1,800 hospitalizations. 14 days post thanksgiving it was down to 1,550. And now it’s slightly over 1,200. So much for the thanksgiving wave. They were WRONG AGAIN. Shocker. As was famously said, government is not the solution to our problem. Government is the problem. Truer words have never been spoken. Thinking government can fix this is beyond foolish - other than creating something like operation warp speed which facilitated and spurred the private sector to come up with a vaccine in record time. Even with around half a million in the US already receiving the first round of vaccine, some government officials want to keep their foot on our throats for another year. Do what you think is best for your family. None of us are guaranteed next year, covid not withstanding.