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A Message from Michele
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Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Steve_] #2910260
12/11/20 07:52 PM
12/11/20 07:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 523
M
Mumin Offline
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Mumin  Offline
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M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 523
Wtf Steve
I say again.


CUT
HER
OFF


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Steve_] #2910261
12/11/20 07:52 PM
12/11/20 07:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,568
S
SteveLW Offline
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SteveLW  Offline
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S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,568
Originally Posted by Steve_
Had a heart to heart with WW.

She said she doesn’t want me texting her anymore and getting all emotional about my sitch, that I need to accept that she is moved on. I told her my reason was that she has been telling me otherwise and telling me that she isn’t sure. She even cancelled the divorce appointment the other day. Now after this fight regarding my son she said I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been playing with your emotions too. She apologized and asked if we can just delete the texts back and forth and I agreed said it was a good idea to just stick to the kids from now on.

I should not have let it come to this where she had to push me away. But she’s pushing me away. I should have been man enough to cut her off a long time ago but I felt I needed to nice her back. I all I did was make it easier for her to dig deeper into life with OM without feeling any loss. It was stupid. At least I’m used to the loss now. And it’s settled. No more games. Not sure if this M can be saved, guess it will depend on how her feelings change or don’t. There is nothing anymore I can do. Probably never was, at least the cycle of up and down will be over for both of us.


Steve_ sorry to be blunt. But we've heard this before. You are like a roller-coaster. Up one minute, down the next. Please get into weekly IC.


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Steve_] #2910262
12/11/20 07:56 PM
12/11/20 07:56 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,494
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CWarrior Offline
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CWarrior  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,494
Originally Posted by Steve
I don’t know what to do now. My son has been lashing out at her, and at OM.

Simple—nothing. It’s her job to manage her son’s behavior during her custody period.

Originally Posted by Steve
He says he tried to make me and mom fight so we talk. He told me that “he thinks OM is using mom to babysit kids”

Listen and validate your son.

Originally Posted by Steve
]She blamed all this on me.

She free to blame anyone she wants—you, the president, or unicorns. Your point?

Originally Posted by Steve
She told me “I’m never coming back to you” and she told my son that too. It crushed him.

Listen and validate your son. This is how she feels today. Tomorrow she may feel differently, but remember she’s a lying cheater, so hopefully by then you won’t take her back.

Originally Posted by Steve
I have never once said anything bad or wrong to my son.

Great! Your point?

Originally Posted by Steve
I never told him to go over there and do this and now she is blaming me.

OIC! This was a dream that you control her actions. You don’t. She’s free to do whatever she likes regardless of what you wish her to do. You control you. She controls her.

Originally Posted by Steve
I tried to talk to her, explain he is just upset, she won’t listen. She blames me

Oof! Don’t pass go, don’t collect $200. You are supposed to be NC. This is a bid to control her. Drop the bids to control her. That’s best whether you want Reconciliation or A Good Future Free of Her.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Steve_] #2910264
12/11/20 08:02 PM
12/11/20 08:02 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,494
C
CWarrior Offline
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CWarrior  Offline
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C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,494
Oof. You contacted her again?! When do you see your IC?


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Steve_] #2910265
12/11/20 08:08 PM
12/11/20 08:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 523
M
Mumin Offline
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Mumin  Offline
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M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 523
Just want to point out another thing.
“ I tried to talk to her, explain he is just upset, she won’t listen.”
This sounds like you are focusing more on her than your son.
If your son over heard that conversation it would sounds to him like you are taking her side and NOT your sons.

Now that is something that you can never let happen.
That could quickly move your son out of your end of the ring and in to hers.
Be there, validate and listen.
His rock. His safe place.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Steve_] #2910267
12/11/20 08:11 PM
12/11/20 08:11 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,494
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CWarrior Offline
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CWarrior  Offline
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C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,494
That’s a great point, Mumin. He’s “just” upset minimizes his feelings.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Steve_] #2910269
12/11/20 08:23 PM
12/11/20 08:23 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,111
San Antonio, Texas
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joejoe1 Offline
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Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,111
San Antonio, Texas
Steve,

You have to create a new thread!!!

All your energy and I mean all your energy has been focused on your wife, her actions and reactions, to what you, your son and family has done. The reason it got to the point where she had to push you away, is because, you wanted to hold onto whatever control YOU THOUGHT you had over her.

She allowed you to think that, but more importantly, YOU allowed yourself to believe her. You have been told, and If you read Sandi Rules, you would know that you should believe nothing a WW say and half of what they do.

If your were focusing on implementing Sandi Rules, than the statements you were making about what she was telling you, would have had no bearings in your life.

Pick yourself and stop WAITING her. No more waiting, Just moving FORWARD with your life. Stop looking back, and start walking forward. She has a problem in her life, NO LONGER YOUR PROBLEM". You are moving forward. She calls you about something other than the kids, NO LONGER YOUR PROBLEM". She twirling, NO LONGER YOUR WORRY". GAL (GET A LIFE). Stop WAITING ON HER.

Joejoe


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Steve_] #2910270
12/11/20 08:23 PM
12/11/20 08:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 523
M
Mumin Offline
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Mumin  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 523
quote=CWarrior]That’s a great point, Mumin. He’s “just” upset minimizes his feelings. [/quote]

Totally!
Even talking to W in the first place about what happened communicates he accepts what W is saying.

Last edited by Mumin; 12/11/20 08:25 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Steve’s LRT phase 3 [Re: Mumin] #2910272
12/11/20 08:31 PM
12/11/20 08:31 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,890
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,890
Southern Maryland

Last edited by job; 12/19/20 10:01 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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