Rebuilding and renewal - 1

[AndrewP]

How is an 18 year old supposed to get an apartment with rabbits AND a cat????

No clue. My own son had enough difficulties in finding a place he could take his cats to - and even then he snuck them in after and presented his landlord with une fait accompli. Presumably the social workers or whatnot who are involved / going to be involved will figure that out. Otherwise his mother will need to. They can't stay with me.

She actually washed the dishes yesterday as I was leaving for my IC appointment at 3:45pm. A number of them she and her son had dirtied but still - it was nice. They were still in the drying rack when I got home after 8:00 pm but still

I find it funny that you noticed this and it seemed to bother you. It seems you are very particular about how things should get done. Maybe something to work on or find somebody who doesn't mind being smothered. I hand wash my dishes every day, and I always leave them to dry overnight to ensure they are fully dry. To me, dishes being in the drying rack at 8:00pm after being washed at 3:45pm would be normal.

Normal in our house too

LOL - amazing how what are to me simple and minor things get the most attention. I would have had no issue with things sitting out for a bit as long as I knew they would eventually be put away. Personally I'm a believe in "the job's not done until the tools are put away". My point actually was that for perhaps the third time ever that she actually even washed the dishes. I've not nagged about them not being put away - just expressed pleasure when that part of the job got done.

I have a question that has been bugging me since I read it.

Why on earth did you Google ‘bleeding in pregnancy’ regarding her daughter?

The poor lass had a mis-carriage and was taken into emergency because of excess bleeding. S said that she needed a transfusion because of blood loss.

She's a healthy and fit young lady and will undoubtedly be fine - but she's a nice kid and I like her and so was worried.

---

The house was in chaos when I left - the truck is supposed to arrive by around 10:00 - I left the door unlocked since S and S18 may not be up when people come to help. It's a small village and everyone "watches out" for everyone else. I moved a few other objects out of the way so that they don't accidentally disappear or get damaged. I let my neighbours know that S is moving out so there won't be any panic. One of the things on S's list was her recycling containers and it's garbage day so she can get those after the trash is picked up.

I'm going to pop out at lunch and pick up a folding table to use in the short term as a kitchen table. I can find a use for it longer-term. And we'll see what we see when I get home. My hope is that they are all done and gone by then and I can perhaps re-do the "dancing naked in the living room" that I did when my ex-wife emptied out much of the stuff back then.

[job]

I certainly hope that S and her son are both up and ready to direct the people who are moving her stuff. I can't even imagine having that much stuff to move not once, but twice in less than a year...but it is difficult for those who have issues with hoarding.

I pray that everything goes well and that most, if not all, of the stuff in the house is gone when you return home. I pray that she will have enough respect for you and your home and will attempt to tidy up a bit once the move has taken place. I know...wishful thinking.

Wishing you all of the best today...it's going to be interesting to see how "empty" your home looks once the boxes are gone.

[kml]

Haha Job - that’s some SERIOUS wishful thinking!

[AndrewP]

Haha Job - that’s some SERIOUS wishful thinking!

We can always count on job to wish the best for everyone here

I chose to work a bit long at the plant and wrapped up about 5:30 or so. Since the day starts before 7:00 a fairly long day. Unsurprisingly to me, I had a hard time focusing although it was more general and I wasn't over-thinking what was going on back at the house. Had a few things to deal with that were the usual sort of regular stressors - customers wanting product in a timeline I can't meet, suppliers not showing up, containers that are needed failing inspection, all the usual sort of stuff. It's so much better dealing with all of that stuff on site although I think that the drivers still are a bit surprised when a guy in a bow tie (and mask) shows up when they pull in to see what might be on their load. So much easier than waiting for the paperwork to be finished.

I was ok driving home although I did get more than a bit tense coming up to my village and did some breathing and grounding exercises. I'd heard from my next door neighbour late afternoon that there was a big truck in my driveway and that it had been there "all day". A bit of a contrast to what I'd heard from 20S a bit earlier who drove by around lunch and said that she had only seen S's van.

I knew that the storage unit S had closed their office at 5:00 and that the latest that she could get into the unit was 10:00 and that it was a bit over a 2 hour drive away. I drive past the house at 6:40pm and see all the lights on and a big truck in the driveway so I drive on. I pull over and send a message to S asking if they are nearly done and letting her know that I was going "in to town" to get some gas. S responds back that she was supposed to be at the storage unit at 6:00 and has no clue and will get back to me. I offer to stay away until 8:00 which is agreed to. I do some Christmas shopping and then park on a side street around the corner and pull out my book to wait.

While I was in town another neighbour who knows S from years back came up and asked what was going on. She was very supportive and kind.

A bit after 8:00 the truck parks across the street from where I am (doubt they could see me - not that it matters), it sits there for a bit - I notice that it's pretty low on the rear shocks, I read another few pages - Puddleglum the Marshwiggle is a favourite character - and I notice the truck start up and make it's way up the hill and south out of town.

I drive past the house, all the lights are on, turn around and go home.

I check the garage - nope can't quite park in there as there is still a set of shelves plus some random stuff on the floor - nothing that can't be dealt with easily. Check the garden shed - not touched, still packed, the boat shed - similarly untouched.

I see S's S18 in the kitchen and head in. The boy is very very stressed out - since he has ADHD it's physically obvious when he's wound up. I ask why he didn't go with everyone else to help unload and he said that that operation was already well staffed. I also know he has to work today. I ask why there is still stuff around and he said that the truck was stuffed right full - something that's not too surprising to me. The house looks like a tornado has been through it and strategically taken much of the bigger stuff. I go through and am reminded of when my ex-wife gutted the place. A combination of random and rigorous. Setting aside the furniture that is out with the boat, almost all of S's furniture is gone (yay). The greater bulk of the boxes and random things are also gone. There is still a bit of this and that including one drawer that has some of S's clothes in it. Pretty much everything that was stuffed in the basement is gone except humourously the large plastic doll-house that I had used as an example of how S was unable to let go of things.

The large storage area under the back stairs - which I never really used and that used to have 20S's stuff in it is still packed to the gills - with all sorts of important stuff that needed to be handy. I suspect that in the rush and chaos that it just got forgotten about.

I could detail it more but the short version is that she's essentially cleared out all the stuff that she needed to out of the house and I can work on cleaning and reclaiming. There is another large truck's worth of stuff still here though if you include the contents of the sheds. But it's not underfoot and if it is here until spring, that's no big.

Oh - and her son, his 3 rabbits and 2 cats are still here.

My expectation is that the crew showed up - probably late - that there was some confused wandering around, her daughter took some control, organized to get the furniture she could see in the house loaded and then what boxes were available while her mother inconsistently did this or that of things that didn't really matter. I'm glad they focused on the garage and house.

Going through the kitchen drawers etc there are a few minor things missing that I had thought were there but the important stuff including my serving silver is still in place. Nothing that I can't replace with the basics with a quick run through the dollar store. I picked up a 6' folding table (one sale!) that I'm going to use as a kitchen table until the New Year. A nice table-cloth on it and it will look fine and it's the sort of thing that will get use from time to time so not a wasted purchase.

My understanding is that she's supposed to be back on Monday to work with S18 on his own things and will undoubtedly grab another load for the van. She may take at least one of the cats but S18 and 4 critters are probably here until mid-January although I think S would like to have him out earlier.

My plan is to clean out the garage so I can use it (freezing rain forecast) and start cleaning / "tidying" things into the enclosed front porch. I'm going to clean out the front bedroom a bit more thoroughly and pick up an inexpensive sheet set and have the inflatable mattress there as a guest bed in case it's needed for S or anyone else. My son might be staying over at Christmas - I don't know.

I am thoroughly reminded though that this is a really really big house. Makes me laugh because S would go on about how her apartment was so much bigger which is patently false. With furniture and piles of stuff everywhere it felt so confining but for example my front hall which used to be difficult to navigate is bigger than her Dad's living room. The rooms are a bit empty feeling at the moment but I'm ok with that. I'll adjust. Prior to meeting S (and B) I had been intending on re-imagining how I use the house - time to dust that off again. I can probably close up three of the upstairs bedrooms including the one I use as an office. They all need some renovating / redecorating too. There's always something to do around this place.

The place wasn't cleaned (sorry job) but I'm not surprised. Dishes left out, piles of literal trash here and there mixed with stuff that probably needs to be organized still. But it's close and in a much much better place than I'd hoped. I can make real progress on getting this place back into shape with only few worries about needing to work around S's possessions. And it's done before Christmas so I can do my remaining decorating, get a tree this weekend and celebrate.

[job]

I can't believe she's still got another "large" truck load of stuff to get. Where did she store all of this stuff before? Surely her apartment didn't hold all of that stuff? Is there any way that the rest of the stuff in the house can be put in one room so that she doesn't forget anything on the next few trips?

I am so sorry that cleaning up has been left to you. If your son comes over and spends some time with you, will Amy and Liz be able to visit too? Can the other two cats be put in one of the vacant bedrooms while they visit?

I hope and pray that she comes over on Monday and gets some more of her stuff. BTW, did she take the shampooer?

I'm sure you are itching to get your home back in order and finish up your Christmas decorating. Maybe S18 can help you a bit. It would be a good learning experience for him to participate in the clean up.

I'm sure you will enjoy that bubble bath this weekend!

[AndrewP]

I can't believe she's still got another "large" truck load of stuff to get. Where did she store all of this stuff before? Surely her apartment didn't hold all of that stuff? Is there any way that the rest of the stuff in the house can be put in one room so that she doesn't forget anything on the next few trips?

I'm going to stage the stuff in the front porch and the one now vacant upstairs bedroom. When she moved in she brought in a truckload from her former partner's place - the one she had left 7 years ago but for some reason he and his house kept showing up in pictures that I copied and that her kids posted on social media.... She also had quite a bit stored in the younger kids' Dad's storage unit. There was a chunk of stuff that also came up from her Dad's house.

Her apartment was pretty packed though as well and was pretty big - perhaps 1500 sq ft. The hallways were lined with stuff with only a narrow and inconsistent path through it. Enough stuff was moved each time I visited though that the impression of progress was there at least in my head.

I am so sorry that cleaning up has been left to you. If your son comes over and spends some time with you, will Amy and Liz be able to visit too? Can the other two cats be put in one of the vacant bedrooms while they visit?

I get to see them every 2 weeks and I think the stress of driving them an hour each way wouldn't be good for them. Not to mention the problems with having the others around. I think they will be permanently with their "Dad" but at least I get visiting privilege's as I presume does their "Momma-mom" as my ex used to refer to herself. She had a phobia of getting old and didn't like to think of herself as even a pet Grandma. No clue how often she visits though but suspect it's less than me.

I will have to wait until I actually adopt a kitten but I'm thinking the name "Bella" is nice - we'll see if any of the eventual candidates fit it. Thinking of that not happening until the spring though when all of the stuff is out and I can get the aura of the current occupying army out of the house.

The cleaning will be therapeutic for me and I'm looking forward to it as part of finding "me" again by removing the clutter. It also gives me a chance to think about how I want to visualize using these spaces again.

I hope and pray that she comes over on Monday and gets some more of her stuff. BTW, did she take the shampooer?

We'll see what happens on Monday. Given her history and proclivity she'll probably take a load in her van each time through. It's a big Dodge Caravan so has lots of space. She did take her shampooer but as I was told when I asked, the local hardware store rents them and has a display right at the front door so I'll probably do that after I get a chance to go over everything with the regular vacuum first. The rental is likely to be more robust as well.

[kml]

I picked up a 6' folding table (one sale!)

Perfect for jigsaw puzzles!

[AndrewP]

Nothing really going on but there's nobody to talk to - not that there ever was with S around.

One of the things I love about this modern age is how connected we all are within the wider world, specifically the creative world. A podcast I quite like - Our Plague Year - highly recommend it - has a song by Danny Schmidt called "Company of Friends". Yes, I could have downloaded it from somewhere or clipped it out of the podcast but after listening to some of his material on Spotify I decided yesterday to buy his album with this song on it. Put in my credit card info and late last night I got an email from the artist himself with a download link.

Unfortunately the link was to the wrong album, so I wrote back, referenced where I found his work - creative people do like to know how they've been found - and a few minutes later he emailed me back a nice note with a link to the right album, and one to a version of the song that he prefers over the one on the album.

In some ways like this place, being able to connect, even for a moment to another human being in a way that lifts both of your spirits is gratifying. I'm sure it's made Danny's day a bit brighter to hear directly from a fan that his work is appreciated and it brightened my day to get that extra personal touch.

Like a number of years ago I finished reading a fascinating (to me) book on the history of accountancy. On a whim I sent a message to the author via Twitter which she received on the Christmas morning. She wrote back about how nice it was to receive that note and on a Christmas.

----

I put a Christmas table-cloth on the folding table and it looks nice. A bit too long but this is only "temporary".

I am putting together the plan about how I'm going to sort and organize things. Unsurprisingly S has left some things scattered through the house and I'm going to consolidate them.

I was able to park in the garage last night which is good because there's freezing rain in the forecast. It felt weird to do that again after all this time. I think in some ways that it bothers S18 on how the house is transforming under his feet. It undoubtedly feels weird to him to see the clutter vanish. He'd been in the house a few times before but probably doesn't remember what it was like. The amount of dirt that is under the mess is appalling. Fortunately with Christmas etc coming up I'll probably have some time to start doing some of the cleaning that needs to be done. In some ways I'm surprised at how patient I was with all of this, but from what I understand like people who for example have an addict as a partner, you keep hoping that they'll "get better". I'd told her and told myself that I was accepting her for who she was but no - I was accepting the person I thought she was / wanted her to be - not the actual person. And my perception was badly distorted.

I have an appointment with the bank this morning to sort out the accounts. S has said that she'll change the loan to come directly out of her account but she's made this month's payment to me and who knows when she'll get around to that. Other than the deposit for the truck rental which she used my CC for because her's for some reason didn't work, she's not spent any joint money for quite a while now and I don't really expect her to. By now she should have access to at least some of the funds from her Dad's estate. The fact that she's not left financially bereft after our split is a big load off my mind although I know that that should not have been a factor. Certainly a warning though about getting involved with someone who isn't solvent. Even though she was bad with money as well, B at least had an income. And knew she was bad with money.

I may go and get my Christmas tree today. It turns out that I have a huge living room with lots of space. Who knew? My decorations are still rather sparse. I have one ornament that S and I bought together last year that I will use. With the rainy weather I may or may not get my flagpole decorated. I turn it into a giant Christmas tree with star. Easier though I suppose doing that in the rain vs some years when the ground is frozen and there's a couple of feet of snow.

The forecast for Christmas here does currently call for snow a few days before and while not cold, below zero temperatures so a white Christmas is called for. I'm not sure what S26's plans are but I did hint strongly that I hoped for him to be here. S's S18 will be with his own family.

It should be a nice quiet weekend. My daughter arrived in Seattle and ended up in a different apartment than she had first thought so I need to send her a fresh card which may or may not arrive in time. I'll need to research some more on where to get her a nice gift basket but have a number of leads. My son-in-law surprisingly has gotten a job with a steel company rather than where I thought he'd end up given his expertise with steam systems. He's got a good start on the traditional post-navy beard too by the looks of it.

At work they gave us electronic gift cards which I have used to buy presents for my son - not really re-gifting but rather me getting twice the joy from one gift. First because it was nice to get that from work and secondly because I can use that to brighten my son's day too.

No clue - and tbh - not a lot of interest in how S's unloading went. I'm sure there was a fair bit of chaos and perhaps a realization that she has far more stuff than a storage unit can hold. Their way of storing things involves a lot of shoving, piling and literally throwing things on top of the heap. A lot of her possessions show the scars of a life lived without respect.

I'm starting to think again about how I want to re-imagine this house. Really - pretty much everything is fair game especially if it doesn't cost money. I have a big desk in a big and mostly empty room that I use as an office. A separate space for working though does make a lot of sense. I have 4 Ikea dressers - 3 of which are empty in the separate "sitting room" off the MBR.

There's a style of desk that I'm planning on getting that I've seen called "Secrytype". I've seen them for sale locally for about $50 - less than a new pressboard desk. One of the things I like about it is how it closes up when not in use which means that I can place it pretty much where-ever I like as a piece of furniture. And I also like the concept that I can "close" work.

Ah well - enough rambling for now. It should be a good day.

[bttrfly]

I picked up a 6' folding table (one sale!)

Perfect for jigsaw puzzles!

or poker night with the fellas ... oh, right. dang pandemic

[bttrfly]

Nothing really going on but there's nobody to talk to - not that there ever was with S around.

This.

Says all you ever need to know about the situation.

Break out the sage and start clearing the space. STAT.