Good luck with mediation. Remember, this is a business transaction. Do not get sucked into her emotional games or a tit-for-tat contest. Know what you want to get in any settlement and be fair and even-keeled. Stay strong. You got this!
What she's doing is "marriage busting". It's a whole lot easier than DBing. After BD your intuitions are telling you to beg plead, etc. and DBing is forcing yourself to do the opposite and give her time and space. Marriage busting is the opposite though, her intuitions are telling her that she wants nothing to do with you and to shun you like you have a horrible disease, and she is fully embracing those intuitions and doing exactly what they are telling her. She might decide to let go of the marriage busting at some point but it's going to take a while.
I make this distinction because DBing is giving her time and space while STANDING for your M. It is LOVINGLY detaching. Marriage busting is not that at all, she wants to wreck the marriage to pursue something or someone else and has no intention of lifting a finger for the M.
Quote
I forgot to send my daughters orthodontic mask with her so my wife text me that she would pick it up. And then she asked that I sit it on the porch.
Like I said in the last post, be prepared for lots more pettiness. This is ridiculous, immature behavior. Would it kill her to behave like an adult when it comes to co-parenting? You can't control it though, so you just have to roll with it for now. If she starts demanding stupid stuff like you come over and drop the mask off on HER porch, then it will be time to create some boundaries.
AS - That is a great distinction between marriage busting and divorce busting. They share some similar tactics but for very different reasons. Both create space I guess. ------------------ Mediation went relatively well. I didn't feel like I got drug over the coals at all (not yet). We established a temporary agreement on money. My wife was crying about how she would pay all of her bills. I volunteered more money to help. At the end of the day we are splitting it all anyways. What was interesting is I went with a pretty big number and then she wanted less. The cracked me up a bit.
On the budget number we set, I think I'll still be able to go do stuff, but its going to be a bit tight.
I do feel for her. She is a bit delusional and is not seeing reality clearly. Alluded to things I've said that aren't true and I think she forgets that she had her mom buy her a house and moved out. That the reason she has any money concerns. If she had hung tight until we got divorced she would have no money issues. I imagine she forgot that.
Anyhow, all and all a good day I guess - even if it totally sucked, it could have been worse. She also continues to show that there is no chance at reconciliation that makes it easier for me to detach.
Steve85's rules on texting have really been clutch over the past 24 hours. THANK YOU STEVE!
I get the kids tomorrow and I'm very excited. I'm hoping that I get negative test results by next Tuesday so I can go see friends again and go to the gym.
The hardest part right now is not seeing the kids but I guess I'll get used to that. I also did not hit her back on Christmas plans, so I'm letting that come to me at the moment when she brings it back up.
She took our freaking Vanilla? Who takes Vanilla??? I understand the spice racks, and I understand the special olive oil she liked, but the Vanilla? <Insert Scream Here>
LH - I guess I don't know that there is no chance at reconciliation; I am making an assumption based on her actions and the things she is saying. ----- More continues to go down. Her and my son had four confrontations yesterday that she told me about and I looked at his phone and he texted a friend of his "I don't give a carp for my mom right now." So they are not doing good.
I imagine that the kids are picking up that she is not being nice and that she moved out and that is not helping her with him at least. She has sent me four emails about the kids over the past 15 hours.
I offered up to her, when she dropped them off today, a device we had to help manage screen time and she scoffed at me saying "I don't want that." I had bought it to help manage her relationship with my son in the past because she was struggling to enforce limits on his screen time, which is exactly what the issue was yesterday. Oh well, I guess I really need to stay out of it (of course she had emailed me asking what we should do).
Anyhow, I'll eventually reply to her emails when the work day is over or something, not a high priority. She did ask me to take my temperature as I think she was hoping that I would have a fever and she would use that to take the kids from me. Fortunately I was running a cool 97.9 ------
On another note I put tuperware on the top shelf of the dishwasher today. That felt really good. My wife had a thing that tuperware couldn't go in the dishwasher. I also bought my vanilla last night at the store - that stuff is the cost of gold!
This morning as I got ready for the kids drop off I was having a ball. Had the radio up all the way and was dancing around. I love getting the kids. Peace out for now folks. Thanks for all of your support.
LH - I guess I don't know that there is no chance at reconciliation; I am making an assumption based on her actions and the things she is saying.
What that she is divorcing?
Originally Posted by ScottB
More continues to go down. Her and my son had four confrontations yesterday that she told me about and I looked at his phone and he texted a friend of his "I don't give a carp for my mom right now." So they are not doing good.
Yep. Get use to that. I deal with it all the time. She will need someone to take her misery out on and you won't be there so the kids get it.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I offered up to her, when she dropped them off today, a device we had to help manage screen time and she scoffed at me saying "I don't want that." I had bought it to help manage her relationship with my son in the past because she was struggling to enforce limits on his screen time, which is exactly what the issue was yesterday. Oh well, I guess I really need to stay out of it (of course she had emailed me asking what we should do).
I would suggest that you let her deal with her issues herself. If you want to just validate that is fine too. Whatever you do please do not tell her the kids are acting out because of the D. That will just get her pissed at you.
Originally Posted by ScottB
On another note I put tuperware on the top shelf of the dishwasher today. That felt really good. My wife had a thing that tuperware couldn't go in the dishwasher. I also bought my vanilla last night at the store - that stuff is the cost of gold!
It's awesome doing whatever the fuch you want in your own house.
Originally Posted by ScottB
This morning as I got ready for the kids drop off I was having a ball. Had the radio up all the way and was dancing around. I love getting the kids.
Yep! It becomes your favorite day of the week and gives you something to look forward to.
Scotty B I see a slight change in you. I think you are slowly seeing this is not a death sentence for you.
On another note I put tuperware on the top shelf of the dishwasher today. That felt really good. My wife had a thing that tuperware couldn't go in the dishwasher.
Watch out, that is a class 3 felony! Do the forks go tines up or down? Do the plates always have to face right? LOL
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
She has sent me four emails about the kids over the past 15 hours. I offered up to her, when she dropped them off today, a device we had to help manage screen time and she scoffed at me saying "I don't want that."
Offer validation, not solutions, to her problems.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
