I just got a text from my wife that says we need to talk about Christmas. Initially we were going to do it together but I'm betting she's planning to change that now. That should be interesting.
IMO good because a joint Christmas will probably set you back afterwards.
Scott, I've told other LBSs this but it is frustrating to see posters here who have WASs that are better at this stuff than they are. Your WAW has this stuff down. Texting to let you know she was there. Asking a couple of questions and driving off. These are all actions you could learn from! It is how you should be with her. Short. Sweet. To the point. Business only.
Split Christmases are in your best interests. Kids already know what is going on so you don't have to keep the illusion for them.
I agree wholeheartedly with LH. There have been red flags of an OM all over this. Her push to move out being the biggest. It is hard to date your new man when you live with your own one. Be prepared for that other show to drop.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I just got a text from my wife that says we need to talk about Christmas.
Text her back:
W:"We need to talk about Xmas" H:"I agree. I think it is best we get exchange times nailed down so there is no confusion".
Or something similar. See how I agree with the We need to talk.( Talking does not need to be talking. TEXTING or EMAIL is much better for you. ) Then I say what I think is best. Then I say I want to reduce confusion.
Always go in with the mind set of getting agreements, clarification or reducing confusion.
What is YOUR goal for the conversation. YOU lead the direction.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I just got a text from my wife that says we need to talk about Christmas.
Text her back:
W:"We need to talk about Xmas" H:"I agree. I think it is best we get exchange times nailed down so there is no confusion".
Or something similar. See how I agree with the We need to talk. Then I say what I think is best. Then I say I want to reduce confusion.
Always go in with the mind set of getting agreements, clarification or reducing confusion.
What is YOUR goal for the conversation. YOU lead the direction.
I LIKE THIS!
See the beauty in this Scott? You don't get to choose whether or not you do a joint Christmas. Why? Because she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to and you cannot make her. BUT, you do get to decide that YOU don't want to do a joint Christmas.
"I've decided it would be in everyone's best interest to do Christmas separately. I suggest we nail down exchange times so there is no confusion."
She might hate you for it.....but she will respect you!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
LH: We'll see. I'm not sure it matters one way or the other, if there is just means she's worse than I thought. I think it might actually make it easier. Of course I'm not sure how I would find out.
Here's a question for the board. If my wife texts me a sarcastic remark, example:
Me: My mom just tested positive for Covid. Her: Great
Do I reply? I know she said "Great" sarcastically because now she has to take the kids to get them tested. I thought about replying with.
Me: Actually, Not great. I wish she didn't have it.
Texts that aren't questions....no response. Texts that are questions "When can we discuss Christmas?" do not get answered right away (answer in your own time), and then only in as few words as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.
Great = NO RESPONSE
So you did well.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I texted her to tell her because I knew a call would not go well. I picked them up from school because she had a job interview, they will now be out until 12/15. My wife doesn't work, so she'll be fine - except she doesn't work so when she doesn't have the kids she is going to be pretty lonely.
You are being a good citizen by quarantining yourself and the kids--props! I've met people who follow all guidelines, only convenient guidelines, or ignore guidelines altogether. As you enter the holiday discussion, remember to listen and take time to consider her words and, if presented with options, what you really want before responding. Remember what you control--you (at all times), your kids (during your custody periods). You don't control her or your kids during her custody periods. She may not choose to be lonely.
LH: We'll see. I'm not sure it matters one way or the other, if there is just means she's worse than I thought. I think it might actually make it easier. Of course I'm not sure how I would find out.
Here's a question for the board. If my wife texts me a sarcastic remark, example:
Me: My mom just tested positive for Covid. Her: Great
Do I reply? I know she said "Great" sarcastically because now she has to take the kids to get them tested. I thought about replying with.
Me: Actually, Not great. I wish she didn't have it.
But I didn't.
It only matters from a standpoint of how you view her moving forward.
I actually don’t mind your response. Don’t be afraid to call her on her bull$hit.
