As the holidays draw near, I am reminded of the friends and the support I received in this place. Holidays may be the hardest time of the year to cope with crazy MLC'ers, especially when there are kids at home. Throw in a freaking pandemic, and you've got yourself one helluva pity party
I was looking at some of the old posts and threads today, and in some ways it seems like I never left this place. That's not a bad thing, I just meant that this was my safe place during the MLC and I have made some life long friends here. It's comforting to have a place to vent with people that unfortunately understand the insanity.
Last edited by job; 12/08/2002:58 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
I received a letter recently. It was everything I wanted to hear, unfortunately words don't mean anything anymore, it's actions that count. There is no more analyzing every word, or wondering. Things change when you've been riding the merry go round for so long.
You are absolutely correct...actions speak louder than words.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
How does that letter make you feel? I don't expect my exH to ever apologize to me or admit he didn't handle things well - and I'm happy about that. The worst outcome from my standpoint would be for him to realize how badly he messed up, because I wouldn't take him back on a silver platter. Therefore I don't need him to experience that pain. (I've already got crazy exBF who can't let go even though I've been with another man for 2 1/2 years and constantly apologizes for the things he did in our relationship. )
While it might feel nice to be vindicated by my exH, I don't need that vindication - I already know that he blew it. Lately I digitized all our home movies from when the kids were little, and looking at them, all I can think is wow, he blew it. He had it all and he blew it. This was all about his basic inability to be satisfied or happy. Nothing to do with me really.
Clarity, I have read your situation from when you were in a very different place; I found your perspective so wise and inspiring. I identified with your home/family situation and attitude towards life and your perspective on relationships and your H.
Can I ask you, all this time later, was it worth it?
I don’t believe that any of us regret the self-development and growth that happens as a result of BD. But I read so few stories where the final outcome of a R is better than it was before. Does personal growth and development require holding onto hope for a reconciled MR? Or does holding onto hope slow our process down?
I’d love to hear your existential thoughts from all the different sides you have experienced and lived.
