That is exactly what I want spiral. Thanks. I know it will be hard but it is necessary. I know I have to stick to my guns when she goes for OM. I’m ready for that. It’s why I’m doing it. I wanted to hold on but now I need to let go. I will update as things unfold. This is not going the way I want I know that. I’m ready for it. I’m just trying to turn the page here. I have very very little hope because I’ve seen how she is. Doing this for me. Not her.
Last edited by Steve_; 11/21/2002:28 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
This was the worst idea ever. It is going to go nothing like you think it will and will keep you spinning in the same toxic dance the two of you do, no mater what her choice is at 10pm
We try very hard to get posters to float these kind of ideas to the board first. The ones that do tend to make better decisions. Those that do not..... Well.....
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
May I ask a question? What is the real reason you are giving this “ultimatum”? Are you truly giving it for the reasons you’ve listed? Because I don’t see how after everything you have endured in the past how anyone including yourself could say you didn’t give it your best shot? You’ve done more to keep this family together than what anyone could expect and what is actually fair to you. Are you hoping if you can force her to make a decision quick that she won’t gain more feelings for the OM and will “pick you”? Are you hoping that if that if she sees you “mean business” this time she’ll be shocked into realizing she may lose and you come back? Also, and I could be wrong, but i do see this as a form of you attempting to control her. I do wish you luck. I just don’t see how this is going to turn out in the way you expect. I don’t think she’s going to do anything you want or need. I just hope you’re strong enough to handle it when she doesn’t make a decision. She may say fine I pick so and so. But I guarantee within a week or two she’ll be back to attempting to manipulate the situation. Still having an affair...and still stringing you along. Time will tell.
I do think you need to focus squarely on yourself and your children. And until you can do that and stop worrying about her and what she’s doing, thinking or feeling, you are really stunting your ability to move forward.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
She probably won’t say anything at all come Monday.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
She chose him. Told me I had chances for 11 years. I replied this “you quit on me years ago, I would have given you the world. All you ever had to do was try and not look for other men to fix you.”
She said “I’m finally ok and the kids will be well taken care of”
I relied “my fight is over, I loved you this entire time until today never speak to me again unless absolutely necessary. Let me enjoy the little time I get with my kids” I sent her a GIF of captain America saluting. And that was that.
Hardest thing I ever did. But I know she isn’t coming back. I denied it, I fought it, I thought I could read some things or pull some stunts to fix this. Yep I can’t. At least now I know where her heart really lies. I suppose I known for a long time. Just kept refusing to see it. As much as it devastated me it freed me. She said I deserve someone who loves me. That’s when I knew she has let go and everything she said is BS. I won’t speak to her anymore believe that. After this she totally broke me. Showed me how stupid I was for fighting for her. You cannot save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. I’ll stick to the boards. I’ll update here and there but I am no longer trying to save my marriage. It’s been over for a long time I know it. I just have to train myself to accept it.
Last edited by Steve_; 11/22/2004:22 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
That reply is as generous as you could have hoped for--I hope it's what you need to let go. She is a serial cheater so this marriage probably hasn't been worth fighting for, for a very long time.
Originally Posted by Steve_
never speak to me again
You don't control her. She can and probably will contact you to vent, control, and/or temperature check.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I’ll update here and there but I am no longer trying to save my marriage.
The steps are the same--NC, GAL, detach, and don't rush into dating or alcohol to fill the void.
I just told her, “I’m proud of the fact I loved you this much, hope my son loves a woman as much as I loved you one day. I am a soldier and i fought for you till Til the end and I get to keep that, I’m proud of that. Good luck and I wish you happiness.”
The kids will call you tomorrow.
I arranged them to call at 7 PM each day. So I don’t have to get random calls anymore no more reasons to talk . I don’t like that. The door has finally closed. As hard as it is to accept I know I have to. As the mandalorian would say “this is the way”
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Consider yourself lucky she chose OM. He will meet the same fate you did.
Your W is broken, this was never about you. She’ll circle back in your direction once she realizes that OM can’t fix her. I hope by then you will be long gone.
