Sounds like those controlling impulses are still alive and well.
I get what everyone is saying.
As for giving my H credit - he really is responsible for challenging my son in regards to food. At the end of the day I didn't have time. I was a single mom the first 8yr of a child on the spectrum.... I worked my arse off this with kid from the time he was 2yr old. 2-3hr of therapy a week which was 2hr drive... therapist 2-3 times a week. He did mainstream school without interventions which was a lot of work in itself. At the end of the day he ate 5 things... at least he ate something and only eating 5 things didn't keep him out of school. S19 will tell you that it was H... and it was a battle in the early years and I wrongly intervened (there are whys to that without going into details of his issues).
ANYWAY - doesn't really matter.
It just breaks your heart. I'm not the only parent who's partner walked out on them AND the kids. At least mine are adults now. Its just that S19 won't reach out because he's gutted and feels rejected. I'm not trying to control anyone save trying to control my kids pain AND that's the MOM in me.
I accept the benefits S19 got from H. I accept the loss that S19 feels at this time. NOTHING else for me to do.
What I have found with kids and food is that kids will not starve to death. They will eventually eat what they are given to eat. The problem is that parents are willing to bend over backwards to accommodate their kids. Don't get me started on my relatives and the hoops we all have to jump through so they'll eat. GRRRRRRR
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
In the craziness of my life went to meet friend for dinner in another town. Friend didn't show up... texted and said "friend" said no they weren't coming because they thought I was mad at them??? WHAT??? We just planned this on Monday 2 days ago.
Soooo whatever....
I drove 25min so I went over to the bar side. Very quiet. Just me and one other guy at the bar. I order 1 drink... 1 drink but being a woman and being alone the bartender put in an extra shot and a half of tequila. I ordered dinner and realized I was drunk.
I'm texting my best guy friend because this other friend ditched me... we are chatting and having fun. I'm also texting another good male friend who lives several states away. I'm still having fun and enjoying my time out of the house.
Thank goodness I did NOT drunk text my H.
Instead drunk text a guy that I've been out with twice. Eh' nice time but he comes off a little cold but its still friendly and he talks my ear off. Anyway he let down his guard a bit so it was fun getting to know him a little better... and how he knows I have a weakness for tequila... lol.
Anyway what started out as a bummer of a night turned into a great deal of fun... and yes, I ubered home.
What I have found with kids and food is that kids will not starve to death. They will eventually eat what they are given to eat. The problem is that parents are willing to bend over backwards to accommodate their kids. Don't get me started on my relatives and the hoops we all have to jump through so they'll eat. GRRRRRRR
That's true unless you've got a kid on spectrum with sensory issues...
Now he eats more than he used to... but its still limited. At the end of the day I just ran out of energy dealing with his horrific gag reflex. I spent my energy on working with him not to bite people cause that keeps you out of school!!!
H: Do I have XX credit card? H: I don't remember opening up this card
UGH ---- business item??? Our CC's are separate but all our other accts are still joint though we are respectful about "his/her" accts.
M: You did 9yr ago. H: Do you have the card M: Cancelled 2yr ago H: Ok, I just wondered how they got my new address.
WAIT, WHAT??? You have received CC stuff in the mail and you are texting me??? How about calling the CC company??? This is not a business item... face palming myself. And, exactly how is it that I would know or care how they got your address???
H: What is your work schedule the next 3 weeks H: I want to bring in puppy
Face palming again and SWIPING left. OMG.
Home now. Relaxing. Tomorrow is me cleaning the gutters for the first time in 10yr and then raking more leaves. Then off to a photography class followed by meeting someone for drinks at a fun bar.
You have allowed yourself to become his personal secretary.
Right??? I mean seriously... YOU wanted to leave, to separate everything, to be responsible for yourself and in control of your money... SO WHY BE CALLIN' me??? LOL
I am NOT going down that rabbit hole. Once it dawned on me this was NOT a true business item... silence it was.
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Do you think that makes him view you as high value or low value?
I cannot mind read. I have no idea what he thinks of me and it ultimately doesn't matter. He again brings up making an appt for the puppy. Does he truly have no clue that he has already had this text exchange with me TWICE previously? I did not reply. The last 2 times I replied with times that I know would work for his schedule and got crickets. He should still know my work phone number but if not its easily google-able!
The weird part. He is clearly still involved with OW and her life and kids and possibly living with him??? That part I'm not clear about. He made a comment the other day which made it sound like he lived alone. Again, no idea and I'm the stalking type to find out. Soooo... back to my observation. I'm an hour away. Why would she be cool with him bringing the dog to me? You'd think she'd want him to have as little contact as possible???
^^^ Again, not spinning but just an observation that I gave myself 20min to ponder... and then shoulder shrugged.
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GAL sounds pretty strong.
I was up early - gutters cleaned, 10 bags of leaves (sadly not much of any dent in the foliage issue), showered, laundry, sorting out some personal items... knit for a bit before heading to photography class. Guy I'm meeting for drinks. I'm intrigued... he's got my attention. Its our third time getting together. I think I might actually like him. I've got another date lined up tomorrow. I'm really starting to have fun... I totally get I'm using dating as a band aid but again I'm very honest where I'm at. If a guy seem like he might be taking it in the wrong direction I let him know I'm no hook up girl... no harm no foul if thats what he wants but I work hard on being clear and up front.
[quote=LH19]You have allowed yourself to become his personal secretary.
Right??? I mean seriously... YOU wanted to leave, to separate everything, to be responsible for yourself and in control of your money... SO WHY BE CALLIN' me??? LOL
I am NOT going down that rabbit hole. Once it dawned on me this was NOT a true business item... silence it was.
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Do you think that makes him view you as high value or low value?
I cannot mind read. I have no idea what he thinks of me and it ultimately doesn't matter.
Nice, you realized you can't mind read. I struggled with trying to mind read my WW. Just hurt me more and more. No sense in doing it. Good job.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
