The biggest pitfall I made was treating my wayward wife as a walk away wife for the first 2 months of this thing. Now that I realize OM was there all along I could have used a tougher love approach. I plan on doing that from now on. I will keep all non-essential responses off. And essential responses short as possible. A lot f the things I did to treat her like a WAW were definitely hurting me. At least I did find out now and not 2 months from now on Christmas when she spent it with OM and his family as they planned. Ive been reading Sandi's posts regarding the wayward wife and her response to my thread. I would typically not ignore her as it upsets her but at this point as long as OM is there, why should she even get to talk to me?
Last edited by Steve_; 11/05/2002:36 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I went to a friends house after work to hang out with him and his girlfriend and stuff, just not be alone at home. It was nice to be with people that care about me. I had a good time just hanging out in the garage talking about his car, work and the crazy day we had with combative patients, a bit about my sitch just yeah. While I was there she called me 4 times in 5 minutes she said CALL ME!! URGENT!!! I waited about 10 minutes after the 4th call and said “is it about the kids?” She didn’t respond or call again.
Odd. I wonder if this was like what Sandi was talking about a “test”. I left it at that she never replied. At first I felt bad I felt that need to be there as a husband then i realized oh yeah, she has a boyfriend. If it’s not about the kids not my problem. If it was about the kids she would have just texted me back. I wonder why she does this..
Last edited by Steve_; 11/05/2006:46 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
OMG you did great. Perfect response. You’re really starting to make big progress.
Don’t go backwards. Don’t expect because you’re being tough now she will soften. She won’t, she’ll keep temp checking you but she’s still a cheating ***** who doesn’t deserve you.
Do not soften. Do not open the door a crack. It’s you, your kids, and radio silence.
The biggest pitfall I made was treating my wayward wife as a walk away wife for the first 2 months of this thing.
No Steve - A pitfall was taking her back too easy first time.. That being said, if you didnt know about this site and working on themselves, i can totally relate..
The biggest Pitfall was taking her back after a second affair - regardless of knowing about this site - come on ! - sef respect.
then 3, 4 5 and now 6 - Like seriously..
Dont just walk away - You RUN - RUN - RUN and keep Running..
If she has come back 5 times before, its good odds she will be back again.. Do you really want that.
You havent become sloppy seconds, you are sloppy 6 or 7ths ! - and these are the affairs you know about !
You menition Personality discorders - Borderline or NPD - They share similar traits. Neither are curable without years of thearpy - its an underlying personality issue - There is no "quick" fix for either.. People with NPD or BPD will suck you dry ! - and the message is the same - if you are with somebody with NPD / BPD, you RUN - RUN - RUN..
and as you have children, you become their rock - be there for them and be the best parent you can.
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
That's the Steve_ we've been looking for. Stay the course, dude. Consistency is key now. You have a track record of backsliding and talking too much. Don't do it. Mouth shut and move forward. One day at a time. It gets better. Just keep DB'ing...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Steve_, congratulations on not responding. Remember that even if part of you still wants to reconcile, it's important for her to miss you. If you're there to soothe her and soak up her anger on-demand, she's not missing you, besides increasing her chances of success with her BF by giving her an outlet for those feelings. Stay strong today! Resist the urge to talk to her to pacify or emote at her and sit with your feelings.
Yeah it’s definately been hard we been in contact about everything for 11 years. Now it’s radio silence from me. I’ll bet it’s hard for her too in a way. She wasn’t ready for me to figure it out and propel the situation to this she wanted everything to be a nice easy transition and it’s been everything but that. Now I’m not mad, not speaking answering calls not anything just quiet. Last night she called all those times and said urgent etc because her mom said I didn’t come home last night. Once I responded “is it about the kids” she didn’t say a word. She was checking on me it seems. I think she’s gonna eventually at some point ask why I’m ignoring her and etc. I just plan on saying “as long as he is in your life I’m out” and leave it at that. We have nothing to talk about anymore. I feel highly disrespected, played, etc. tonight I’ll be reading the DB book tomorrow getting my apartment. And my DR book. They will be my best fiends. Other than you guys. Sorry it took me 2 months and OM BD last week to wake up but handing over my kids just did it for me.
Last edited by Steve_; 11/05/2005:15 PM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I think she’s gonna eventually at some point ask why I’m ignoring her and etc. I just plan on saying “as long as he is in your life I’m out” and leave it at that.
No. That is a question that doesn't concern your kids and it's not an emergency. You don't reply to that. That's bait. If, and only if, she says this at a child drop off (because you aren't going to answer your phone, or respond to texts that aren't about the kids, so this is the only scenario it should happen), your response should be "I'm just focusing on me and the kids now, Thanks." Then you keep your mouth shut and get out of there before you say something you regret. Again, this isn't about her or the OM. This is about Steve. Your response in the quote is all about her and OM. We don't care about them. We care about Steve...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
