Through the World Barefooted -- Gerda's LBS Guide

[DnJ]

Hello (handy) Gerda

I’m glad to hear the basement is drying out. And you can already feel a difference. Yay!

For cutting the styrofoam with a bread knife. Lol. Yes, what a mess that would make. <giggle>

Use a razor knife. Those retractable blade knives. While working at a table or work bench. Measure and mark the line you want to cut. Then lay a straight edge, one of those 2x4’s, or whatever along the line. Run the razor knife gently down the edge and along the line. You are not trying to cut through all 2 inches in one go. Just score the line a few times with the knife.

(Note: Have the blade fully extended. Yes it is very sharp, but you are not pushing through the cut, you are working gently. The big reason for having the blade fully extended is those first scoring cuts. You don’t want the knife handle to contact the straight edge; that messes up the line and causes the next part, the deepening of the cut, to be off square. You also need a blade around 4 inches to cut at the correct angle and depth for that insulation.)

Then remove the straight edge and lay the styrofoam over the edge of the table or work bench with that cut line an inch or so passed the edge. Put a weight, like the 2x4, or book, or whatever on the edge furthest from you to hold it down against the bench. Then gently run the knife down the cut line while pressing the side closest to you (shorter side) of the insulation panel down, so as to slightly open the cut and not to bind the knife. A few more passes and the insulation is cut smooth and straight with very little mess.

-7C is 18F. Yep, pretty chilly. Apparently not t-shirt weather.

D

[Gerda]

For those of the 3000 who thought this thread was about insulation --

The Path to Acceptance
A Poem By DnJ Sir Fixalot of the Green Cape

Hello (handy) Gerda,

I’m glad to hear your grief is drying out.
And you can already feel a difference.
Yay!

For cutting the pain with justifying, arguing, pleading, trying to figure out how to fix it --
well, that is like cutting 2-inch thick styrofoam with a bread knife.
Yes, what a mess that would make.

Use a razor knife.
Those retractable blade knives.
While working at a table or work bench or climbing a mountain
or looking at a crescent moon at -7 degrees --
18 fahrenheit --
in your t-shirt
after cleaning the MLCer's 8 brooms out your basement
and wedding and party dresses out of your closet.

Measure and mark the line you want to cut.
Then lay a straight edge, one of those 2x4’s from a wise friend
or whatever along the line.
Run the razor knife gently down the edge of your heart and along the line.
You are not trying to cut through all of your heart in one go.
Just score the line a few times with the knife.

(Note: Have the blade fully extended.
Yes it is very sharp, but you are not pushing through the cut, you are working gently.
The big reason for having the blade fully extended is those first scoring cuts.
You don’t want the knife handle to contact the straight edge of your soul;
that messes up the line and causes the next part, the deepening of the cut,
to be off square.

(You also need a blade around 4 inches
to cut at the correct angle and depth for that,
but that of course
is the kind of blade your MLCer used.)

Then remove the straight edge
and lay your heart over the edge of all the days of your life with that cut line
an inch or so past the edge.
Don't be afraid of that edge;
you won't fall off it.
Put a weight, like the 2x4's you heard from wise friends
or a book on abuse
or the bible,
or whatever on the edge furthest from you
to hold it down against the bench.
You'll need to hold your heart and mind down a little.
They will fight this process.
Then gently run the knife down the cut line
while pressing the side closest to you (the most painful side) down,
so as to slightly open the cut
and not to bind the knife.
The knife will not stay in there if you do this right.
A few more passes
and the pain is cut smooth and straight
with very little mess.

You will find that the mess you made
fits neatly in a couple of bags
on the back of a pick up truck
bumping over the ruts in the rain
and that you are whistling as you drive
and remembering a wise friend.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Gerda

A most apt poem.

Touching, the details you brought forth. Brooms, bread knife, wedding dress, a rutted road in the rain, 2x4’s, the bible, heart, soul, and a caring friend.

I am very glad you walked my road with me, and I the honour to walk your road with you.

D

[cardinal]

Gerda, this poem is a work of art—a beautiful collaboration between you two, and just what I needed to read on Halloween.

[Sage4]

Lovely, Gerda! Thanks for sharing.

[Gerda]

Thanks, Sage and Cardinal! It wrote itself, in a way.

DnJ, I am not sure I could have done it without you. You became a black belt in LBS right away, but hopefully I made the walk a little more fun and a little more laden with poetic meaning!

Here is a crazy update.

I had court today, via zoom. I actually had court last week but I insist every time that there is a court reporter there to record it and every time they end up having to adjourn because they don't have one and I insist. Now that I always have a transcript, I am able to hold the judge accountable for things she said and also to force H's L to lie less.

So anyway today was the rescheduled appt. Last week only the court attorney came and tried to get me to back down about the reporter. This week the judge came, opens the meeting by saying,"Well, you insisted you wanted me here, so what did you want to talk about?"

I had filed an OSC three months ago to get her to enforce an order from last October that forced H to appraise the house and let me buy him out. Granted, it's Covid, so I can't get a loan for that until our rents return,but I wanted to get everything settled and give him a downpayment somehow. The order doesn't say how long I have to pay him, so I was just going with that.

The judge did not make a decision or even read my documentation.Nor did she make a decision on their OSC, which tried to strip me of all my rights, overturn the first order, etc. She got us to agree to split the cost of the appraisal that was supposed to be paid for by H. But after the hearing, they tried to make me pay for the whole thing. So I drafted a global resolution to settle every open issue and define the payout schedule for the buyout, which was three payments over the next three years, and which mentioned our mutual desire to let D11 finish at her local middle school before any forced move, should I not be able to refinance in full by then and have to sell in order to pay H. It was a compromise, as I plan to go for sole use til 18 if we go to trial.

Well, they redlined EVERYTHING, even the give-away line that said that the appraisal would be used to determine the equity.

So I told them, you can do the appraisal as per the court order from last October and pay for it yourself. I am not splitting it or paying for anything unless I have in writing that it's being used to fulfill the order or at minimum to determine the equity. They refused to agree to that so I I filed another OSC a month ago, asking that the judge rule on my first one. The Ex Parte office was like, "Whaaa? People don't do that and she probably won't sign, as your other OSC is scheduled to be heard already." I told them, "Believe me, she is not planning to hear any arguments or make a decision. I want to pay the filing fee and show her I am serious about getting a ruling on this." And she signed it.

So that's what we were doing today.

It was the usual scream festival, she hadn't read any of the docs and didn't know what was going on or what the issues were. H was off screen and she asked that he get on screen, so he said he had to go and get his computer, and stayed on audio for a while during the first round of lies from his lawyer and dazed confusion and yelling from the judge. She kept threatening to send us to trial and I kept saying, "I agree, we need to go to trial. Please refer us." And then H appears finally on the screen, and I had my trusty paper doll shirt to cover his face so I wouldn't have to look at him or his dyed blond hair transplant (or sad crazy eyes, he looks so weird), and then I saw that he was EATING A BOWL OF CEREAL. He was sitting at a kitchen table chowing down. I looked at the judge and she didn't say anything, and I was so astonished, I forgot that I wasn't just at home and that I wasn't allowed to have a phone in the hearing, and I took a photo of the screen.

Well, the judge went CRAZY, screaming at me that I wasn't allowed to record, what do you think you are doing, etc. I apologized and said I wanted to record that moment but I forgot I wasn't allowed to have it and would delete it right away but she just screamed, "No, this is illegal! You can't do that! I'm leaving!" And LEFT THE MEETING. So it was just me and H on the screen. So I left.

So I guess we are finally going to be allowed to go to trial!

[scout12]

What the heck! I have no words. What is wrong with your judge!

[DnJ]

Good Morning Gerda

She just left?!? Oh my, you sure had some bad luck getting assigned this judge.

And H sitting there eating a bowl of cereal. Lol. I’d have taken a picture too. And keep the picture, if you want - it’s illegal blah blah blah, yeah whatever. Then get us in an actually courtroom and pay attention and do your job!

Gadzooks, I’m a bit riled apparently. Lol.

Next time take a screen shot less out in the open.

I am so proud of you for holding her and the system accountable. Never back down from having a court recorded present. You’ve been burnt before; hold their feet to the fire. Keep them accountable. Accountability is the bane of the unprepared, lazy, lying, and so forth.

I love how once they all started railroading you, redlining everything, you turned it all around and said - no you can do the appraisal as per court order. By the way, I’d hold them to that. That was agreed to, let H pay the full bill. You trying to meet half way is still met with resistance and further weaselling. You give an inch and they’ll take a mile.

”I agree, we need to go to trial. Please refer us."

Best line!

The judge threatened, and you agreed - let’s go to trial.

Threats are a poor choice at the best of times, and really ineffectual when one won’t follow through with them. As a judge she shouldn’t be threatening, should be even-keeled, level-headed, and so on - you know judge-like.

Your history of court transcripts would be an interesting read. Much fodder for overturning poor and unjust rulings from an ineffectual servant of the court. Her to show up and be so unprepared and unread of the submissions and be so ill-prepared is mind boggling.

Mantel-sized DnJ, and full size DnJ, are in your corner.

And yes, you helped make my path better. More fun and more meaningful.

On the list of words I figured for would be unlikely to be uttered by me today - Gadzooks was probably near the top. Lol. And look I used it twice. Haha

Have a great day Gerda.

D

[Gerda]

Well, first I wrote to court reporter, copying court and H's L, asking for a copy of the transcript.

Then a few hours later H's L wrote a staggering letter to the court in which he blamed me for everything, but esp not getting the appraisal, and threatened to file a motion to preclude all the "bogus" debts from trial and said that since I never paid H any of his "support" (which is what he always calls the monthly ED advances and I always have to correct it, he is trying to lay the groundwork for his claim for alimony at trial!!!) that H would need to move back to our city and into one of the rental units. And a whole bunch of other bullying threats. And asked that the judge would schedule oral arguments for all the open motions (there are like 5, including 3 for contempt against me from me and one for contempt against him from me, which is really just asking her to make him follow the order).

It has been a long while since I shared any of the goings on specifically, and it's interesting to see your and Scout's astonishment because this kind of thing is what I have been living through not here and there but almost weekly. Endless hearings like this. They almost always end with the court attorney shutting it down because of the pointless screaming. But the problem with court against a narcissist/MLCer is that no matter how calm and clear you are, the judge thinks you are at least half the problem. My children are never mentioned by anyone but me. And I have been particularly hard hit because my judge is so bad. She has been this lazy from day one but I think now she is panicking because she sees I am recording everything.

I filed a complaint with the Bar against H's lawyer for so much lying and fake documents and for physically threatening me (not sure if I wrote about that one last year) but they wrote back that if I am in the middle of the case, I have to complain to the judge, not the Bar. So that ain't going to happen. When I filed a complaint with the state against his broker, I didn't hear from that broker anymore. (A complaint to the BBB didn't do the trick but I am thinking of doing that anyway with H's L, or as a review on yelp.) I wish I could tell you his name, it's very Dickensianly accurate.

Speaking of which, DnJ, when was the last time you read Bleak House? There is an amazing version of it on the net, the reader is so amazing that I have listened to it three times in the last ten years. Maybe it's time to do it again, good way to get through housework.

I am a little freaked out and scared by H's L writing that letter but I am just going to correct his lies very succinctly so it's on record and try to keep waiting this out. I offered H a good downpayment (50K) now, and the rest in a year if rents return, or another partial payment then, with the rest when D goes to high school. She is able to walk to school now. But they said no. They are obsessed with lump sum.

I sure wish it was over though.

[Gerda]

P.S. Screenshot-- yes, the ease of taking a screenshot with no one knowing, and my total awareness of that, shows you just how deep was my state of astonishment. I was in a freefall of shock and awe. I had also taken a photo at the last conference because of the paper doll shirt, but it was before we started so no one noticed.