^^^ Really great, on-point info from Vapo and Sandi. ^^^
Originally Posted by Vapo
Hang in there buddy. We hear you. We were all there. We have all faced the same demons. We all survived and came out stronger on the other end.
I remember when I was going through the worst of this and people would tell me the above, it just didn't ring true. It felt like everything was hopeless, my life was over, I was just going to go through the motions for however long I had left in life. It seemed impossible that I would ever feel better. But what Vapo is saying is 100% true, and believe me, if I made it through then you will too. Because I was in the absolute deepest pit of despair imaginable. And I did not reconcile, and my life did not go "back to normal". But I found a "new normal", and new happiness, and new joy in new things.
I've said this many times before but you may not have seen it since you haven't been here long, but I thought the novel that is my life was ending, but in fact it was only a chapter that was ending and when I turned the page, I started writing an entirely new and different and mysterious and amazing chapter. I have different interests now, different pursuits, different loves. I'm not saying my life is better now because I did love my old life. But it's very different, there's really no comparing the "before" and "after" versions of me or my life. A lot of this positive attitude came from embracing the differences rather than being scared of them. When my XW left then I made changes to the house that she would not have approved of. At first the bed felt empty, but then I learned to stretch out and enjoy the extra space. At first not having the kids every other week was heart-breaking, but then I realized that time was now mine to do whatever I wanted. I'd go to the gym at midnight, go motorcycle riding whenever, watch a movie with the surround sound cranked up (my XW really hated that) while eating dinner off the footstool of my recliner, make clay sculptures on the dining table. I eventually started dating, and found a lot of fulfillment in that as well. And later yet I settled into a new long term relationship with a beautiful, sweet, kind young lady.
Would I have chosen this path? No, I was committed to the marriage. But it wasn't my choice to make, so why not blaze a new trail? And you will too, you just don't know you have the power to do that yet. But it will come with time.
I felt like I hijacked Steve_’s thread a little. Mummin left this there: YouTube datingguy no contact
It was a great video. The concept of understanding we’re not going back, there is only forwards was strong. I’m thinking I talk to her about taking our wedding rings off. We said we would do it together. That would help me move on. Wearing this thing and pretending this isn’t happening isn’t helping me.
It’s probably bad to start flirting with women and getting noticed again, but I know it sure would help me say goodbye.
It was a great video. The concept of understanding we’re not going back, there is only forwards was strong. I’m thinking I talk to her about taking our wedding rings off. We said we would do it together. That would help me move on. Wearing this thing and pretending this isn’t happening isn’t helping me.
Scotty B that sounds a little dramatic but to each his own. Just take yours off when you feel comfortable taking off. No discussion, no tactics when you’re ready.
It’s ok flirt with women. You honestly have no idea what’s in store for you. You will most likely have one night stands. Married women will come on to you. You’ll be texting different women all day. Married men will envy you. You’ll watch football all day if you feel like it. Go to bed at 7 if you feel like it. Things will be so less stressful when hanging out with you kids.
Like AS said I wouldn’t have done it but like in poker you have to play the hand you were dealt.
Last edited by job; 11/10/2009:54 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
