When in doubt, stay quiet. If more LBSs would do that there would be more reconciliations. It isn't a guarantee of recon but it sure increases the odds.
Last edited by Steve85; 10/31/2003:06 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
When in doubt, stay quiet. If more LBSs would do that there would be more reconciliations. It isn't a guarantee of recon but it sure increases the odds.
Yes... When in doubt DO NOTHING... which ironically is THE hardest thing to do.
Even more ironic is I just saw my atty... she is a client of mine (as now I'm also a client of hers... lol) She confirmed she does have all my paperwork - dropped off 2 weeks ago. Its been a very busy time for her and she will get to it. I just said no worries.
Happy Halloween! When in doubt, eat candy tonight, but in moderation.
HAHA... no candy... just a half bottle of wine and knitting socks.
I am freaking proud of myself for NOT texting. It is soooooo hard for me to not follow up. One thing since BD that I've really worked hard is NOT having the last word. Not as some ploy but to truly not have the last word. I think that was something I really lacked previously... always trying to have my say.
I realized that my H even post BD and separation that he doesn't like to say no to me... I think this is because any time he would say no I would behave in a manner to try to convince him otherwise (via talking/making my point) and I realized months ago how unattractive that was and no wonder my H felt bullied. I didn't trust him to do anything.
The true ironic thing is I really wanted him to tell me no. We went mattress shopping and I looked at him and said "what do you want?". AND he literally said "its up to you". UGH... so I bought the *&#@^ bed that neither of us ended up liking and we both know what bed he wanted... I just want to burn that freaking bed.
Well out have a late lunch - not really dressed up but looking nicely put together. Again, told I look 35... hey I'll take it but today well my back feels 45... lol
Totally got checked out by some random guy in the place.... winning!!!
I know totally lame but thing have been so crappy for so long - made me smile.
KC, great job in not replying to him! I know that had to be tough but it was the right thing to do. I agree with what everyone else told you, I read it as him explaining to you why you two are done and that he is moving on and happy. I think he's trying to convince himself more than you. His last question "Do you want me to look back? What do we have to offer each other?" sounds rhetorical to me. I don't think he was genuinely asking you because he wanted a response, but rather was just saying "wouldn't you agree that we have nothing to offer each other?" Sometimes the WAS will send out a stream-of-conscience message like that. It doesn't mean anything, his mind is all over the place and he just landed on that briefly and decided to send it out to temp check you. Literally ANY response whether positive or negative would have cemented your spot as Plan B. No response is perfect, because now he's really confused. Now he feels Plan B slipping away, and what if Plan A isn't so great after all? Which it isn't, because if it was then he wouldn't have sent that in the first place.
KC, great job in not replying to him! I know that had to be tough but it was the right thing to do. I agree with what everyone else told you, I read it as him explaining to you why you two are done and that he is moving on and happy. I think he's trying to convince himself more than you. His last question "Do you want me to look back? What do we have to offer each other?" sounds rhetorical to me. I don't think he was genuinely asking you because he wanted a response, but rather was just saying "wouldn't you agree that we have nothing to offer each other?" Sometimes the WAS will send out a stream-of-conscience message like that. It doesn't mean anything, his mind is all over the place and he just landed on that briefly and decided to send it out to temp check you. Literally ANY response whether positive or negative would have cemented your spot as Plan B. No response is perfect, because now he's really confused. Now he feels Plan B slipping away, and what if Plan A isn't so great after all? Which it isn't, because if it was then he wouldn't have sent that in the first place.
Anyway you are FINALLY getting it! Good job
Thanks AS...
I'm having an absolute horrid night. I feel so devastated... completely gutted.
I know I'm not supposed to be spinning... but the whole sentiment about how he learned something else about himself - that he likes playing AND how LH pointed out he was really saying he likes "playing" with OW... and how he went on to say "But, you couldn't play"... It's like a 1000 daggers.
He doesn't remember having those great times with me...
He texts that he was so angry all the time and lashed out at everyone including his own kids... THAT CAN'T BE ALL ON ME... has he forgotten that his XW with held his kids not once but twice for MONTHS at a time. I always had his back. Endless atty appts, court dates, CPS calling. OMG I had to live that nightmare too you know. It killed him and I had to pick up the pieces.
But, living here with me??? That was the cause of all the misery??? When will he wake up?
I get it... up until this last text slew it was 100% I neglected him... I rejected him as the cause of our problems, BUT now he actually typed it wasn't all my fault.
That means some real truth is starting to sink in???
Sorry. I'm having one of the worst nights in a very long time.
I'm sorry you're having a rough night. (I am too, nothing to do with my H, flipping out about the state of our country, but that is a whole other story line!!!)
When you're feeling like this-- can you focus on the reasons you're better off alone? Do you have any go-to self- care options you can pull on? Comfort TV show or movie, food item, book, cuddly blanket and cup of tea? We all have these days and the more you can find those tried-and-true methods to pull yourself out of it, the better.
((KC))
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
