UGH... still this morning.... its like I WANT to/NEED to answer his question. "what do we have to offer each other". Its the last thing he said and its stuck in my head like a cheesey campaign slogan.
Sure, I've mentally made that list... erased it... wrote it again... scrached it out...
I know I cannot say that ONE thing and he suddenly goes --- hmmm, your right. That does make sense and work. So knowing that I sit on my hands and do nothing.
Anything I do type he then reads and files away. If I leave him in silence eventually his subconscious will stew on the fact that I must have agreed with him... and then he is left to think all the reasons I am not right for agreeing with him. Only when he comes through this on his own might he even come to the realization that I knew him all along. He did not suddenly change to this new person he thinks he is now. I already met him years ago. I accepted him as being the best version of himself --- AND, I did not run. I supported him. He had the latest hunting gear and I did not compete with him when he wanted to use half of his vacation time for himself and hunting. He dreams of back packing Brooks Ridge for a year.... I can man down the fort alone and make that happen. You want a partner in crime on your adventure I would do what I needed to your biggest assest and not hold you back.
I get it.
You love being playful with OW. You feel OW will compliment you better on your Alaska adventure.
There is nothing I can do to change your mind. You will either come to the conclusion yourself or you won't. In the meantime I cannot contact you and I have to go about living my own life.
He does love these kind games. He know you are sitting here. Spending your mental energy on that question, pondering thinking of him, and OW.
He’s getting his rocks off knowing you are wasting your mental energy on him. He knows it, he doesn’t have to see it.
You keep giving him what he wants. And even though you aren’t answering, he knows you are reading and spinning. But if you just blocked him, you would have nothing to read, spin, or ponder over. And he wouldn’t get off. And you might hve an ounce of leave and no ounces of false hope.
Show yourself some love and block him already. If he wants you, he will truly come get you. He won’t mess with your mind. He will be a man and make it happen .
Here’s the thing KK. The majority of the people are on this board because there is only one answer to that question and not one fuching person on this board will answer it right. Until you’re able to answer it correctly you will continue to suffer.
“We have nothing to offer each other. That ship has sailed.”
He expressed how miserable he was and has realized it was not all your fault. However it still doesn’t negate the fact he was miserable. He’s asking you if you are actually selfish enough to expect him to endure that again (do you want me to look back to the the life I just explained to you was miserable for me?).
I think it may be time to tell him you hear what he is saying validate his feelings and send him his apology. Then block him and let your lawyers handle it.
If he’s still miserable in a few years he will for the first time think that maybe you weren’t the problem. I read once where recons are high if the person was breaking up with the situation and not the person.
Like G-Money said “if he changes his mind he will let you know”.
KC... I think he has said all he wants to say. There is no going back for him and he doesn’t see being with you in his future. He didn’t say that on a whim. He’s not angry anymore but he is done. You need to accept it and move on...for your own sake.
Re: him not mentioning OW to you. My XH NEVER mentioned OW to me. Even now that we’ve been divorced for almost a year and they are engaged, he rarely mentions her. I think that is for a couple of reasons. The first is that XH and I only really communicate about our kids. The second is that he knows, deep down inside, that cheating on me and ending our marriage the way he did was a d!ck thing to do and he doesn’t want to remind me of it and risk bringing up any bad feelings between us and setting us back.
Time heals if you let it KC. I was despondent when my H left. Couldn’t eat or sleep. Didn’t think I would ever, ever get past it let alone open up my heart to anyone else. I was wrong on both counts. Don’t be afraid to drop the rope and move forward. There is great relief in letting go and moving forward. You can be happy again. I promise. (((HUGS)))
Something I use in my sitch - is to evaluate whether or not what's happened has actually changed anything.
I know the last thing you want to hear is that these texts don't matter but, they don't, at all.
You already knew your husband was withdrawn, you knew he was not leaning toward recon, you knew he had OW, you knew everything that was going on and guess what, you were doing better.
So after these texts what has changed? Honestly nothing. Everything is the exact same as it was before these texts. Not better but not worse either.
It changes nothing and I mean this in a good way.
I hope this makes sense and helps you a bit.
Also remember, just because he says something doesn't make it absolute. Maybe you are playful, fun, a great partner and someone willing to support all his adventures and an amazing person.
I'm human. Of course I want to say something to him... it vacillates between -
*** I respect your journey in finding that person within in you that you are most happy with. That's an incredibly attractive thing to do. I too have taken time for self discovery to become the best version of me. I'm not looking to change your priorities or to take away your peace, but I believe we still have a lot to offer each other.
^^^^ LAME, DESPERATE and NEEDY
*** I'm happy that you have found peace. Its not really my job to sell you on what value I add to your life and while I have a list of what I feel you bring to mine I'm not going to leave it in a text message.
^^^^ ANGRY, SAD, BITTER
Neither work. I know that. So I say nothing. I leave it to the crickets. If he truly wanted an answer... he would contact me again. I'm 100% certain that I will hear from in 7 days and it will be "have you heard from you atty?"
Going to keep trudging forward and working on myself.
