Ok. After the fourth time it sounds like he’s blaming you for everything and bragging about how happy he is now and will never let someone fail him again. Then lastly he tried to bait you in.
Just validate him. “You sound like you’re at peace. I am happy for you”.
1st text... he feels he was trying to be someone he thought I needed him to be rather than being truthful to who he was... therefore he failed me and was trying to say I was not solely to blame for the implosion of our marriage.
2nd text... because he was not true to himself he was just angry all the time... and he failed himself... ie is taking the blame for it over my failing him. His eyes are open and he will not put himself in that position again.... this is consistent with what he told me at BD.... he will never give me the chance to hurt him again. If he risked it and I hurt him again he would never survive.
3rd text.... threw me for a freaking loop.. He learned something new about himself... he loves playing?? I won't lie I had to ask "playing?"... then he clarified being child like, goofy.
Ok, we used to be that way... we had stupid nick names and did stupid stuff in the store together... but parenting and work and I got so freaking stuck in my head... yes I withdrew... yes he was miserable.
So stupidly I texted ... we used to... I want to... I realize that now.... that was dumb of me but the whole playing text was unexpected.
4th text... I have no clue... I'm grateful he has peace but what the heck does "do I want him to look backward?" Well of course I do. We had 10yr and it wasn't all bad. What does "what do we have to offer each other" I don't get that either. He doesn't see value in me?
^^^^ I said nothing... I'm perplexed and stayed silent.
As for who my husband became when he figured out his true self... when we married we both wanted a lakehouse to retire too... over the years my husband got more into hunting. Right now his dream is to backpack a year in Brooks Ridge and live off the land for year. Do a hunt in Africa. I felt I supported him in these things but perhaps he still felt I was holding him back? Or maybe he felt guilt for no longer wanting a lakehouse???
IDK... I can say I respected my husband for his personal journey to what he felt was the best version of him but he was still conflicted I wouldn't want to be with him??? I mean I can't ask him so I'm just perplexed. Yes, I would have loved the man he feels destined to be... I was NOT running from him and whether he realizes it or not I knew these changes BEFORE he left. I do not LOVE that he left and hooked up with OW... perhaps he feels she can support and live his dreams but I cannot??? Again, can't ask so won't know.
Truthfully I think he enjoys messing with you. Every time you engage you lose. He’s basically telling you he is playful with his girlfriend and likes it.
Peek in on the new Steve’s thread. You and him have a lot in common. His w loves messing with him.
Truthfully I think he enjoys messing with you. Every time you engage you lose. He’s basically telling you he is playful with his girlfriend and likes it.
Peek in on the new Steve’s thread. You and him have a lot in common. His w loves messing with him.
NC starting now.
I'm sure you're right, but part of me feels it's not necessarily on purpose?
And it's a big deal that he said I was not entirely to blame for the implosion. Every little thing was my fault 8mo ago. It's almost like roles have reversed where I carried all the blame and saw all my faults magnified that torr us apart... and he is like saying it's his fault for trying to be something he wasn't because he thought that's what I wanted.
There is no logic him back so its completely dumb for me to text him that I always accepted him for who he truly was and being truly who he was is why I loved him so much.
Weird though... he never speaks a word of OW. I mean he could easily be an arse and say why that what makes OW so awesome cause he gets him and wants to do every thing he does. I've never been able to tell if he is protective of her or trying to protect me by not saying a word about her.
But, yes the last text got me... but he is saying he is at peace... and then asked what do we have to offer each other.... that is just his way, though badly of saying in his opinion he is moving forward and we just don't work anymore.
That makes sense with the text that I'm not solely to blame, he blames himself for trying to be something he is not.... though the whole playful comment was NOT needed... you're right LH it was him saying that he and OW are playful.
It’s annoying for sure. He’s taking the blame but not really. If he changes his mind you’ll know. You got some things off your chest you’ve been dying to say so I guess that’s good.
You can DB well 99 times, but that one time of misstepping will erase all that. This is why we encouraged you to block his texts. Those we currently see posting on this site that struggle the most are the ones trying to DB halfway. Until you learn to quit jumping everytime he snaps his fingers then you'll continue to struggle.
Last edited by Steve85; 10/31/2003:52 AM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
