And good lord, why are you having conversations with her about OM? Why are you even talking to her about anything that doesn’t involve kid logistics?!!
I would do some serious exploring about why you let this woman trample over you, use your, manipulate you, cheat on you, etc. why???
Yeah that's true. I still haven't decided if I am going to watch the kids every night or not. I feel really conflicted about it. Doing so will absolutely enable her A and If I am trying to stand for my M alone I don't really want to help her with her A. I think I will just do something in between and be really flexible when I first move out with the kids but ask for a couple days a week in a row where I am not watching them overnight. That will give me the more time I want with them and keep me from being a total pushover babysitter. I can just say hey, I cant watch them Friday night, im going out with my friends. etc... she will have to figure it out. not my problem I have to have a life too.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
So she forgoes time with the kids to be with OM? Listen, I'm a WAW. I made some bad mistakes. But as a mother I cannot, for the life of me, ever imagine putting time with a man above time with my children.
Well things took a weird turn. The apartment is ready sooner than I expected. In 8 days.
I just messaged her, "I got the apartment, its in 8 days"
She says "I feel weird about that" So I asked what she means and she pretty much went on to say that once I move out things will be real for the kids, different. I told her yeah, things have been pretty real for me so what do you want me to do? I cant find another place to go that works like this one. She asked for more time like December 1st to let the kids ease into this separation, I told her I cannot do that. I asked if its because she doesn't want them to live with OM and she said "yes" then she said "I shouldn't be telling you this but, I am trying to get him to leave me" I laughed and told her, "You did that to me a few times, it doesn't work, nice guys wont leave, your just gonna hurt everyone including yourself the longer you stay if you don't want to be there, you already know that" She said "he is doing everything awesome but I don't think I want to be with him its a mess" I told her well, listen I cant tell you what to do, I told you how I felt, if your gonna chose to have him in your life I have to take care of myself, I am not going to push you to do anything, its your choice and this is all part of that. I said I know he is gonna get upset when you have to watch the kids at your moms now, is that why your doing it? she said "that's his F'in problem" I said "I know" then she said "I just cant leave right now" and I said okay well that's fine, Im going to get the place and move out. She said "see you tonight?" I said yep and that was that.
Unpacking this there is a lot of pitfalls especially for me as an LBS to fall into. This seems like something but it actualy means nothing, only her actions do now, this is more of her wishy-washy crap. She is just trying to see if she can manipulate me into making her life easier for her to continue her A. Nope not gonna do that, im watching the kids on my days at my place and that's it. The rest is on her, she is scared of reality and that's exactly what she needs, im done saving her from it. Im sick of not standing up for myself. If she wont chose me im leaving im not hanging around like she asked to make life easier for her.
You just can't stop yourself, can you?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah she has been letting me put them to bed and missing out being around at night for a long time. Shes been off in A land having a good ol' time.
I didn't bring up the OM, just asked her why she wanted me to wait until December and to tell me the truth. The truth regarded the OM and her not wanting the kids there. She came out with "im trying to make him leave me" I shouldn't have even listen to that and stopped her but I guess curiosity got the best of me there. At least I didn't offer to change my plans for her to her liking. Im moving out and she isn't gonna stop that. I need to be stronger now and its coming little by little. I need to grow a pair sooner than later, she was like "well why not wait you wont even have anything there yet and you will have the kids over" I just said "ill be fine, don't worry about it."
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Yeah that's true. I still haven't decided if I am going to watch the kids every night or not. I feel really conflicted about it. Doing so will absolutely enable her A and If I am trying to stand for my M alone I don't really want to help her with her A. I think I will just do something in between and be really flexible when I first move out with the kids but ask for a couple days a week in a row where I am not watching them overnight. That will give me the more time I want with them and keep me from being a total pushover babysitter. I can just say hey, I cant watch them Friday night, im going out with my friends. etc... she will have to figure it out. not my problem I have to have a life too.
Holy crap. Every one of your decisions is ABOUT HER!?!
Just stop. Live your life, let her live hers. Put a 50/50 child custody agreement in place.
It is time to get off the merry-go-round.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I gotta start DBing, I don't know why its so hard, its like that convo should never have took place I see it now. That took any mystery and separation anxiety out of her. There I was to tell her everything as usual. Damn
I think moving out will help, living with her and shes back n forth between home and OM makes this harder.
We have worked out the days for the separation so I think once I move out there wont be a need for this crap anymore.
Last edited by Steve_; 10/29/2011:46 PM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I'm very pro-woman, I'm a girls girl, I usually understand and sympathize with the woman's side of things. I think a lot of time, men don't really get what they've done wrong and are too quick to not examine their part in things. BUT, your wife is really acting out here. Continuously putting another man in front of her children on a long term basis is a very extreme act on the part of a mother. She may be a good person who has lost her way, but these actions really call into question her character. I think you need to pull away and really think about if this someone you actually want to be married to.
