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A Message from Michele
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Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2905605
10/12/20 10:17 PM
10/12/20 10:17 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,613
Missouruh
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ovrrnbw Offline
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ovrrnbw  Offline
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Missouruh
Hey Mumin,

I do say that phrase "get your mojo back" or "I create my own juice (energy)". Kinda dumb phrases but they work for me.

Now I do think that the type of girl who date a guy who isn't yet divorced is not a good long term option, but I was thinking too that you should be interacting with women more. I still remember a night out in Aug 2018 where I went out by myself and went to a few bars and had a good time. I talked to lots of women and made a couple guy friends too. After being approached by a few women, my outlook did a 180 and I knew I'd be fine no matter what. I felt dumb to really think I wouldn't before.

Are you really "broken"? I mean you guys weren't even married for 6 months before BD. But are you whole and strong as you want to be? Maybe not yet. Stay strong and see this sitch through for yourself and the kids. It sounds like you and the kids are doing pretty good.

As for your sexuality, yea celibacy may seem easier at the moment, but is that rewarding? There's nothing to be anxious about. You've done this before right? I would start doing things that create self confidence like going to the gym, joining team activities, saving money, crushing it at work, and walk around with a little smile and stand tall and pull your shoulders back. See how many women notice you then.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2906217
10/19/20 08:13 PM
10/19/20 08:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 524
M
Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 524
Here to make a note. Not really looking for further Comments atm just want to remember.
Ovr thanks you for your reply!
I will reply more some time. I need to start saving money again. I feel good doing it and I will really need it for house work.

Spoke to W tonight about changing up our kids-schedule to 2,2,5,5.
Likely we will start that soon.
She also said she doesn't like the thought of exchanges every seven days but she realizes that is the only way whe. She has her own place.

We spoke abit about kids and her housing-hunt. She is looking but has only entered one bidding.
She mentioned a rental and I said that sounds like a good idea till you find something you want to buy.


In the middle of the Conversation I asked what happened to her lip.
Apparently she had got new fillings... Then a weird situation arouse.
She said I'm glad you asked, most people wouldn't and you never know.
With a bit of sarcasm I said "he [censored] better not! "
We looked at each other for quite some time and I said, really tough if something ever happens you tell me.
Basically crying she said, I promise.
Im not sure but it really looked like she stopped herself from hugging me.


Small update:
Gym workout continues like never before.
Ownership of our small car is being transferred to her.
I will officially own the house in a few weeks.
About a week after that I will finalize the divorce.

Last edited by Mumin; 10/19/20 08:15 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2906324
10/21/20 12:59 AM
10/21/20 12:59 AM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,613
Missouruh
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ovrrnbw Offline
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ovrrnbw  Offline
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Posts: 2,613
Missouruh
You're tough as nails Mumin, I love it. And you still have enough of the soft side too. Keep working on you and your life is going to sort itself out just fine.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2906785
10/27/20 10:59 AM
10/27/20 10:59 AM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 524
M
Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 524
Short context.
I had to isolate due to son symptoms which has led to us spending 3 days together, including the weekend.
Yesterday W traveled to her father with kids and tomorrow we are switching.

Mid call about kids getting sick (not covid), this happens :
W- spoke to dad for a long time yesterday. About us.
W - it felt really really good to spend time together all 4 of us.
Me - I liked it too.
W- I just found out I got the apartment.
Me - that's great!
W - I don't know. It feels so final. I realized I wasn't sure when I found out.
Me-...
W - ok I will just say this.
Me-...
W - a couple of days ago when I was watching TV our song from the wedding came on. I thought to myself if Mumin comes home now it is meant to be
W - I really really wanted you to come home. But you didn't and I cried. (I came home later in the evening...)
Me - I really don't know what to say. I have to hang up now.

An hour later she asked me about some paperwork she needs to buy the apartment...



We said some other stuff too.
Typing this up quickly because of work, but it's the most important.
This all makes me angry but of course also makes me think.
Any perspective is welcome.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2906786
10/27/20 11:32 AM
10/27/20 11:32 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,403
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LH19 Offline
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Yo M first up I think you need to work on your validation. ďI can understand why that made you feel sad.Ē

Thatís how she felt in the moment and then it passed.

Sheís got a ton of work to do M. Having an affair during your wedding day is not normal behavior.

Keep moving forward.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: LH19] #2906787
10/27/20 11:38 AM
10/27/20 11:38 AM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 291
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MrBrside Offline
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Originally Posted by LH19
Having an affair during your wedding day is not normal behavior.


That comment seems somewhat reserved for you LH hahahah..

Having an affair during your wedding day is like a light house flashing on some treacherous rocks - it can not get any more clearer, AVOID, AVOID, AVOID.. Your WW is not a good wife and never will be. You just need to move on and enjoy your life...

Last edited by MrBrside; 10/27/20 11:39 AM.

Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2906788
10/27/20 11:45 AM
10/27/20 11:45 AM
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Posts: 5,561
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Ginger1 Offline
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I didnít realize she had an affair ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!!!!!

Thatís a low thatís on a totally different level. Good lord

Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: MrBrside] #2906790
10/27/20 12:19 PM
10/27/20 12:19 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,403
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Originally Posted by MrBrside
Originally Posted by LH19
Having an affair during your wedding day is not normal behavior.


That comment seems somewhat reserved for you LH hahahah..

Having an affair during your wedding day is like a light house flashing on some treacherous rocks - it can not get any more clearer, AVOID, AVOID, AVOID.. Your WW is not a good wife and never will be. You just need to move on and enjoy your life...

Iím trying to come with more compassion BrSide and leaving the hammering to you lol.

G-money to clarify she was in an affair during her wedding day. Not necessarily had an affair on his wedding day.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2906793
10/27/20 12:39 PM
10/27/20 12:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,634
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SteveLW Online
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SteveLW  Online
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Posts: 8,634
Originally Posted by Mumin

Mid call about kids getting sick (not covid), this happens :
W- spoke to dad for a long time yesterday. About us.
W - it felt really really good to spend time together all 4 of us.
Me - I liked it too.
W- I just found out I got the apartment.
Me - that's great!
W - I don't know. It feels so final. I realized I wasn't sure when I found out.
Me-...
W - ok I will just say this.
Me-...
W - a couple of days ago when I was watching TV our song from the wedding came on. I thought to myself if Mumin comes home now it is meant to be
W - I really really wanted you to come home. But you didn't and I cried. (I came home later in the evening...)
Me - I really don't know what to say. I have to hang up now.


I agree with LH! You had so many opportunities to listen and validate here!! Suppose this is how it went:

W- spoke to dad for a long time yesterday. About us.
Me - It sounds like you needed to get some things off your chest, glad he was there for you.
W - it felt really really good to spend time together all 4 of us.
Me - It sounds like you enjoyed the family time.
W- I just found out I got the apartment.
Me - Congratulations, I understand you are probably excited about that news.
W - I don't know. It feels so final. I realized I wasn't sure when I found out.
Me- So you are feeling unsure do the finality. That is understandable.
W - ok I will just say this.
W - a couple of days ago when I was watching TV our song from the wedding came on. I thought to myself if Mumin comes home now it is meant to be
W - I really really wanted you to come home. But you didn't and I cried. (I came home later in the evening...)
Me - So your feel that if I had come home then that would have been a sign, but that since I didn't you felt sad.
Me- Hey I have to run, I have some things to take care of.
[/quote]

Originally Posted by Mumin

An hour later she asked me about some paperwork she needs to buy the apartment...


Not your monkeys, not your zoo.

"I am not really up on that kind of thing, do you have any specific questions? I'll try to answer them."


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Ginger1] #2906794
10/27/20 12:40 PM
10/27/20 12:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,634
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SteveLW Online
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SteveLW  Online
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,634
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I didnít realize she had an affair ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!!!!!

Thatís a low thatís on a totally different level. Good lord


Total lack of respect. Scott, it really is amazing you two have made it this long.


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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