Between full blown celiac disease and completely fine with gluten is a spectrum of gluten sensitivity and non-celiac gluten intolerance. You can have positive gluten or gliadin antibodies and not have full blown celiac disease, and still be significantly helped by a gluten-free diet. Trust me, it's difficult enough to do that most people won't stay on it as a "fad" for very long. 2/3 of autoimmune thyroid patients have gluten antibodies in their stool if you do a stool test and 1 out of 20 has full blown celiac disease so I see and treat it all the time in my practice which consists largely of thyroid patients. It helps NOBODY to label it as a fad - . I've had patients injured by servers not taking their requests seriously in a restaurant, and patients belittled by their families for their very real health condition.
I agree that it helps no one for such things to be labelled as a fad, but we both know it happens and THAT is my issue...not people who have celiac or some varying level of insensitivity to gluten. There are a wide variety of allergies and sensitivities which people suffer from for any number of reasons. I have been blessed in my life to not be allergic to anything and I'm super grateful for that because one of my children is allergic to a variety of things and I see how she struggles. One of my sons-in-law is allergic to beef, so I have to be very careful about how and what I cook when he is around, so I'm not one to belittle anyone for having a legitimate issue.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Girls! Don't make me have to come down there! You have both made your points so let it be.
((Dawn + kml))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Sorry for the hijack and I’m truly sorry if I offended you or S. I can see where my comments were far more harsh than I intended and I apologize for doing that on your page. I’ll keep my opinions to my own page from now on.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
But I won’t stop giving you my thoughts about your situation because I do it out of care and concern for you. Lol
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I wanted to chime in and say your comment about waiting for S's divorce to be final was not at all inappropriate. My husband refused to propose to me until my annulment with the church was completed. It's certainly not much to ask for her to be single before you discuss getting married.
How was dinner with your friend last night?
I think Dawn's comment was more about S tagging along and ordering 5x the amount of your order and expecting you to pay for her and not so much about the gluten-free portion.
Any plans for the weekend? When are you setting your boat up out front? Even if you're not passing out treats, I bet the neighbors would enjoy some normalcy!
Happy Saturday all. A lovely sunny day here - quiet morning because as usual I am the only creature stirring.
Tough week behind and ahead.
First things first. S and 2 of her kids have a gluten sensitivity. Generally it causes some gastric distress and S says that it also makes her very irritable. They are not celiac.
The bit with the treats is typical. I would go and order a $3 scone. S would order several gluten free scones, Devon cream, jam and another treat or two. Just like when we would go out to eat. One place we went for lunch was also a used book-store. I had the $8 grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of mulled cider. S had the $23 fresh trout, a side dish and cider. She also bought a bunch of books several of which she said were for Christmas presents. Total bill $175. The Christmas presents were left sitting out and became "just because" things. She will often order the most expensive thing on the menu - in part because steak and fresh fish etc are gluten free I expect.
Originally Posted by dream
How was dinner with your friend last night?
We had a very nice and leisurely lunch. He's very worried about me. One thing he said that really stuck out at me is that he sees in me the same thing he saw in his mother. He calls it "caretaker syndrome". My aches and pains and gloominess is similar to what his mother had until his Dad passed on and she flowered. Perhaps some people aren't intended to live in the shade
Originally Posted by dream
Any plans for the weekend? When are you setting your boat up out front? Even if you're not passing out treats, I bet the neighbors would enjoy some normalcy!
I don't think I'll be pulling the boat out this year. Not only because there's so much stuff packed around it, but the neighbours and I have decided that we won't be doing a regular Halloween. S is intending to decorate and we'll get some candy in case someone comes to the door. I have a pirate costume for the dog
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Some news to report.
S is very much moving to "oh !@#" mode I think. This morning there was a heart cross-stitch on my desk that she did up last night. We've talked some more and it gets easier each time. Some things seem to be sticking with her. The fact that I've given up so much to have her here. My brothers, my kids, my cats, a lot of stuff, beer. Yes - we can quibble about the details, but the basic facts are there. I think she is understanding that I am unhappy and some of the reasons why.
She even made dinner last night. Left-over turkey and gravy sandwiches with steamed frozen veg but more than has been typical of late. I also repeated a story yesterday and instead of the eye-roll and being shut down, I actually got half-way through before I realized it was a repeat.
I still did up the dishes and cleaned the kitchen while she went upstairs to watch TV. I "am" the one who has a thing about having a clean counter at the end of the day. I have mentioned to S when she commented the other day that she was intending on doing the dishes the next day that there would indeed be dishes to be done then even if we had a clean counter before I went to bed. She never did do them mid-day but at least thought about it which is more than before.
There is an underlying current of stress, depression and angst with her that certainly wasn't there before. I feel very sad about that but also relieved that she's having a reaction to a real problem.
She's made an appointment for us to see her therapist on Tuesday evening for an hour and a half. This therapist does specialize in couples counseling and has worked with S and been part of the same friend circle for years. Hopefully that will be a positive thing as she will begin with an understanding of S and her past relationships. I do know that she was pleased that S had found me and also I believe surprised. She did work with S in the early days when we were dating to help her get over some hold-over issues from past partners.
I have decided that the right approach for me is to take ownership of the issues that are bothering me - we're responsible for own happiness after-all and casting mud or stones is neither "nice" nor helpful. I'm doing up a list - using points from here and elsewhere to put some structure around the core issues as I see them that I am facing. The list still needs a "lot" of work , trimming and tweaking as a lot of it seems to be pointing fingers and not taking personal ownership of my reaction to issues.
- Loss of pride in my home - Loss of so much that was important to me - family, pets - Feeling like the whole burden is on me and "dancing as fast as I can" just to get less than the minimum done - Feeling like my voice isn't heard and doesn't matter - No longer having my own relationship with my own children - S requires to be involved in gifts, cards etc - No time for me or my own interests - Poorer health and worse diet - Lack of exercise - Money issues - it was expected that there would be no negative financial impact - Feeling that this is a very "dark" environment. Dirt clutter and actual darkness - S doesn't like bright sunshine - The lack of reciprocity - what "does" S bring to the relationship? - Little overlap of time together and loss of most of the day with her being asleep while the world is shining and spinning out there - Living with a hoarder is hard - Dirt, stink, no ownership / being accountable for dealing with stuff - passed on to D26 or boys and picked up by me - Dramatic decrease in living conditions - Feeling taken for granted in many ways. A good example is when suddenly her entire family started coming every Sunday for me to make them dinner - a tradition they never had.
Again - I want to get good use out of this session. I do think that S has recognized that changes need to be made and that there's no papering over this.
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S18 continues to flower here. He has a pellet gun which he's agreed is an outside thing only - as opposed to firing it off constantly in the apartment without pellets. He set up targets in the back-yard and was happy to learn that there are yard lights and was out there quite a lot. We were talking yesterday as I was driving him home from work about how his Dad has anger issues and will be physically violent with the kids and will grow arguments out of proportion. He said that everyone has learned how to know when I'm angry or upset. It seems that I say "grrr" under my breath.
S and I dropped S13 off with his Dad for the weekend - I hope to make time to get some plaster work done. S found at least part of his floor so that I can set up ladders. Because of visits from child-protective-services his Dad isn't violent any more but is powerless in discipline so perhaps a grand place for a 13 year old with behavioral problems? S doesn't seem concerned even with the fact that in the very small place there is also her D19 and BF and dog. I'd be driven nuts and living on the roof. D19 has "temporarily" moved out of S's former partner's house because of concerns with the other girl that is living in there not practicing good COVID protocols. Not that that stopped her and BF from driving out to Alberta and back this past week.
Sigh. If I do end up alone, I'll get myself a nice cat and spend time polishing the kitchen floor and admiring the peace I think.
Busy day today though and it needs to be faced. Leaving shortly to do the banking and get my roses. This afternoon car service and getting my snow tires put on. I then have to continue getting the new cabinet for the bathroom up and work on the plaster in S13's room.
Have a great weekend all. Oh and thoughts about my list and how to proceed in a positive - ie - non confrontational / blaming way in the therapy session would be appreciated. I do feel that when visiting a professional you take full advantage of their skills and time to get the results you want. What I want - is to find Joy and peace again.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Correction - counseling isn't next Tuesday, it's on the week after.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
