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A Message from Michele
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Re: Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - part 2 [Re: tom_l] #2909821
12/04/20 01:00 AM
12/04/20 01:00 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,976
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Posts: 5,976
Tom,

I did not change my mind but I am here to try to help.

What Im saying is if you go back and read through your threads and you still are confused as to why your W left I am not sure what I can tell you. This is also your side of the story which Im sure is only half the truth.

A woman wants someone to listen to them and be able to have a voice in the relationship so she can feel safe and comfortable. She doesnt want to feel dismissed and unappreciated.

I get it. Shes was fulfilling your needs so you didnt fulfill hers. Well guess what youre here and shes not so who loses?

Im not trying to call you out Tom these are things that Im learning too. So we can sit here and play the blame game or we can learn to be better.

Im not gonna blow sunshine up your a$$ Tom. I know why you are here. I also know youre in a lot of pain and I do have compassion for that and wish that on no one.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
Re: Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - part 2 [Re: tom_l] #2909825
12/04/20 03:08 AM
12/04/20 03:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 878
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Rose888 Offline
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Posts: 878
I'm curious about the way in which you responded to the comment that you were a misogynist.

Rather than say, "Hmm. It appears that more than one person on this forum sees something repellant about the way I talk about women. I wonder what they are seeing that I'm not?" you quote a dictionary definition at them and ask them to prove their claims.

Is that a typical response for you? Is that how you responded to comments from your wife?


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Re: Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - part 2 [Re: tom_l] #2909827
12/04/20 04:16 AM
12/04/20 04:16 AM
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 513
Australia
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scout12 Offline
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 513
Australia
I suspect that this:

Quote
some very unique stresses in my personal life that resulted in lawsuits in 2016.


is the heart of your problem. You've skated over this issue in several different comments. Lawsuits of a personal nature (rather than professional or financial) sound quite troubling. Three years is a long time to hide away from your problems in a mancave. I wonder how much your wife was trying to reach you during this time before she just gave up.


W32
X30
S2

June 2019 | Runaway husband
May 2020 | Legal separation
Xmas 2020 | Divorce hearing
Re: Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - part 2 [Re: harvey] #2909830
12/04/20 10:31 AM
12/04/20 10:31 AM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 281
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BenB Offline
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BenB  Offline
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 281
Quote
[/quote]
Originally Posted by harvey
[quote=BenB]The definition of misogyny is not only hatred and nothing but hatred towards women. Hatred, dislike OR ingrained prejudice toward women is the definition. And I can't see anyone here screaming "misogynist" at you. Ginger said she can sense misogyny and LH pointed to some misogynistic comments.


Well, you, LH, and Ginger all said it--with you saying MANY people have pointed out his misogynist posts. Terms like "misogynist" and "racist" shouldn't be used lightly, but there are. In my day the term basically meant "sexist pig", but it was used sparingly and the target was generally a "sexist pig." smile

Then again, Tom's most recent post was quite combative, so maybe I should go back into hiding. smile I get that he may feel people are piling on though.

I hope we can all learn from each other's point of view though. Like LH said, we all live and learn.



Harvey, just because we point out misogynist comments doesn't mean we claim he is misogynist in all aspects of life towards every single woman at all times. And neither LH or I have claimed he is a woman hater which is what Tom was asking us to prove.

My comment was also referring to his quote

Quote
Would you be overreacting the same way -- screaming at women "Misandry"!! -- if a cougar friend of yours talked about picking up younger men


To me that sounds like he is reducing our opinions to overreacting and screaming at him. Belittling others in a way.

You are right, the term misogynist shouldn't be used unless called for but in this case, perhaps not your opinion, there seems to be a pattern that many, or sorry, several posters have pointed out. I do agree it seems Tom feels like we are piling on and reacts by becoming defensive and fires back at every argument instead of doing some self reflection. Most of us have been criticized heavily for our actions and words during our sitches. I have yet to see anyone take it this personally and argue back.

Even Another Stander whom I consider a friend, said some things to me after I discovered my XW infidelity that initially hurt. Words that were harsh. Did I argue with him? No, I reflected on what he and Steve said and used the opportunity to grow

The term racist shouldn't be used lightly either and I am sure you are not thinking I called him one? I did, however, compare both arguments and rightfully so.

I wish every person well and this forum is the right place to be for people in our situations and the greatest gift I have gotten so far is to learn how to validate. Can you see how these posts paint a picture of someone who invalidates more often than validates? I hope I am wrong of course.

Time to start a new thread...




Last edited by BenB; 12/04/20 10:38 AM.

Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Re: Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - part 2 [Re: tom_l] #2909834
12/04/20 12:38 PM
12/04/20 12:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,976
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LH19 Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
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Tom,

One more think Id like to add. Your W tried to get you into counseling, waited until your children were out of school and doesnt appear to have another male.

That is a LBS dream for most of us.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
Re: Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - part 2 [Re: LH19] #2909838
12/04/20 02:35 PM
12/04/20 02:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,792
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,792
Southern Maryland

Last edited by job; 12/05/20 03:46 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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