I'd gather ALL her stuff (notice ALL in caps) from the MB and box it up and put it by the front door. Tell her that you agree with her and she should move in with OM, but not gradually. Immediately. What's the point of keeping her around and you both being miserable. Your kids already know. Why not just rip the band aid off instead of prolonging a $hitty situation? She can't even find the time to feed her own children. She's banging another dude. She doesn't care about you or your feelings. Tell her to beat it, and the kids will live with you. Talk to a lawyer. See what the laws are in your state about moving kids out of the marital home and in with an adulterous stranger. Now is the time to be a strong for you and your kids. All I see is your WW acting like an a$$hole and calling all the shots and you bending over backwards to meet her demands. Drop the rope with this one. Get rid of her and get on with your life. Everything you do from now on should concern only your well being and the well being of your kids. You deserve better. Let her do her thing. You've got a life to live and kids to take care of. You can do it. It gets better....
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I'd gather ALL her stuff (notice ALL in caps) from the MB and box it up and put it by the front door. Tell her that you agree with her and she should move in with OM, but not gradually. Immediately. What's the point of keeping her around and you both being miserable. Your kids already know. Why not just rip the band aid off instead of prolonging a $hitty situation? She can't even find the time to feed her own children. She's banging another dude. She doesn't care about you or your feelings. Tell her to beat it, and the kids will live with you. Talk to a lawyer. See what the laws are in your state about moving kids out of the marital home and in with an adulterous stranger. Now is the time to be a strong for you and your kids. All I see is your WW acting like an a$$hole and calling all the shots and you bending over backwards to meet her demands. Drop the rope with this one. Get rid of her and get on with your life. Everything you do from now on should concern only your well being and the well being of your kids. You deserve better. Let her do her thing. You've got a life to live and kids to take care of. You can do it. It gets better....
Words of absolute wisdom!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The first thing you need to do is not give a $hit about what she does or says. You seem overly concerned about "bursting her bubble", That shouldn't be your goal. Your goal is to focus on you and your kids. Live the best life possible for you and your kids. She shouldn't even be a thought. That's how you burst the bubble. It won't happen until you're completely detached and don't care whether her bubble bursts or not. Seeing you being happy and successful without her is going to drive her nuts...
Hi mtb1981,
Thank you. I do give a [censored] that's the problem and although I've accepted her moving on without my it's easier said than done to ignore it and ignore the damage done to my children.
Steve85, Thank you for your words of advice.
Sorry if I don't always reply immediately, I have so much going on.
Update...
We decided to do mediation. It's confidential but what I will say is that the attorney asked us when our date of separation was. WW said Sep 30, 2019. The other attorney said, "but you're still living together and for the purposes of the court, you are not separated."
Let me emphasis that again: "for the purposes of the court, you are not separated."
WW insisted that she never cheated on me, because in her mind she separated before she had an extra marital affair. Then when I busted that up she found someone else in Jan this year and decided to move in with him and take my kids too though she hasn't left yet.
She's a grown ass woman and I can't stop her. Fortunately, it looks like I will be getting the kids 4 days out of every 7 as she won't be living in the school district.
We did the mediation over zoom, you should have seen the look on her face when the mediator said "you're not separated."
It means exactly what I've been telling her, that she's a married woman who lives with her husband and children, who had a one night stand and is brazenly having an affair in front of my kids.
The state I live in is not dad friendly so I have to do the best with what I have. We agree on most things. I just want it over and done with. She is slowly packing her stuff. I also have to take into account the children and their feelings. If I force their mother to leave it will go badly for me. And the youngest is attached to her mother.
It means exactly what I've been telling her, that she's a married woman who lives with her husband and children, who had a one night stand and is brazenly having an affair in front of my kids.
Vindicated.
Doesn't change anything about your situation, but that must have felt good. Enjoy it.
Originally Posted by Drh2001
Fortunately, it looks like I will be getting the kids 4 days out of every 7 as she won't be living in the school district.
Originally Posted by Drh2001
The state I live in is not dad friendly so I have to do the best with what I have.
If you finalize an agreement which allows you to have the kids 4 of 7 nights, that sounds like a big win to me.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
OM is moving to my state end of this month and WW is pressuring me to buy her out quicker so she can use the family silver to finish his basement so my kids have a bedroom. It's disgusting but it's her money.
The sooner this toxic poisonous influence is out of my house the better.
I have a question.
My soon to be 16 yr old daughter has a busy social life and sometimes works on the weekends. If WW has her during weekends when she is with OM 10 miles away this will cause problems between my daughter and her mother.
also it seems WW doesn't want the hassle of picking up and dropping off my kids in the school district we live in as she will be moving in with OM ten miles away. So I will have them Mon to Fri evening and she will have them Fri eve to Mon morning.
She is trying to make it seem as tho she is getting 50/50 but really it's more like 57/43 for me as she'll only have them 3 nights a week.
More than 50/50 sounds like a good deal for you - I'd jump at more than 50/50, and in practice I do have that in my sitch right now - except if your WW always has them on the weekends and you never do you may miss out on fun days and trips you can't do while they're in school during the week. You may want to think about that.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I wish I could post this question on a separate thread.
Short story - wife cheated on me a year ago and is having an affair in front of my two kids. She will be moving in with OM by year end or soon after.
WW said to me many times that "most men would leave the house and let their wife have everything and raise the kids."
Is this true? Would most LBS let their WW or WH have everything, keep paying the mortgage and live in a room or studio apt whilst paying all the bills?
NO! NO! NO! Do not give up your share of the house, finances, and especially rights to the kids. No way would I settle for less than 50/50 with the kids, or what I'm entitled to financially.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
