KK , have you thought about a meet up group rather than a dating site if your intentions in the OLD arena are what you say? My area is still kind of tight on group meet up rules and I have an injury, but I would be joining a meet up hike group or a meet up beer tasting group. Great way to interact.
And just to point out. 2 posts within a few days of eachother. One that that says I am still hoping he would want to work on the M and then another saying you wouldn’t take him back because he’s not showing signs of “leaning into you”
The most harmful lies I have ever told are the ones I have told myself. If you H walked into the house tomorrow, said “ I dumped OW and I want to work on the M” what would you REAlly do?
I'd say DonH and Kind18 are the exceptions, not the rule. In fact, I knew a woman in KC's exact circumstances a few years back who started casually dating and was shocked at the number of men that expected that sex was part of the deal. And I should point out that it was pre-Tinder. I think that now sex as part of casual dating is even more than norm than it was back then.
In fact, KC, you mention the attention you've been receiving from other men. I highly doubt that is because of your personality, and your love of hobbies and other things. Not that those men could eventually be interested because of those things, but first meetings are all about things much more superficial than that! So that argument, to me, is much more in keeping with what Ginger has said.
As far as those disagreeing with Ginger, I am not sure a couple of exceptions to the rule make her wrong. Otherwise, eHarmony would be much more popular than Tinder.........and it ain't!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
KK , have you thought about a meet up group rather than a dating site if your intentions in the OLD arena are what you say? My area is still kind of tight on group meet up rules and I have an injury, but I would be joining a meet up hike group or a meet up beer tasting group. Great way to interact.
And just to point out. 2 posts within a few days of eachother. One that that says I am still hoping he would want to work on the M and then another saying you wouldn’t take him back because he’s not showing signs of “leaning into you”
The most harmful lies I have ever told are the ones I have told myself. If you H walked into the house tomorrow, said “ I dumped OW and I want to work on the M” what would you REAlly do?
I hear you.
Sadly meet up is just NOT that popular in my area. Believe me I've tried. Add in COVID and its no man's land. I am in a meet up group and we had our first get together in a park 2 weeks ago which was the first time in 8 months. If you count me - there were 4 people there. That group has nothing else planned again at this point in time. I've even extended my search for a group to 75miles from me - no kidding.... NOTHING.
As for my posts I'm trying to balance out my emotions and the reality that everyone is pointing out here. Yes, I would put the work into my M. But, everyone here says my H is disgusted by me... has left and isn't coming back... So I'm trying to accept the picture that is being painted.
I've been completely forth coming. My profile says "Separated". I already had one guy show interest and then notice I'm just separated and said it was a deal breaker. I wasn't hurt. Good for him for having his own standards. And, good for me for not misleading. Another guy who seems quite nice and down to earth did ask how long I have been separated which I was honest about. He asked a few more questions - I was completely honest. So far he seems to understand that I'm just starting out on this journey --- even if I was D I'm not jumping into another long term relationship. I truly need to date around. Period.
Frankly the weird part is the people who contact you and live overf 1500mi away... REALLY? Yes, nice ego boost for me that someone finds me attractive but there is no hope in that going anywhere.
As I have said previously. I have no idea where this will go. Will I even meet up with anyone? Shoot I may do so and have a really good time but in the end I may go home and just stop completely.
I know I need to do something. My mind is starting to rot.
MEN are not online to hang out with a seperated woman. They are online for either sex or a relationship. Not for an adventure buddy
That has nothing to do with you will do or not do.
It’s what they are looking for.
So the odds of getting what you are looking for are slim to none. And you will probably have more dates then you care where a guy wants one or the other and you are looking for neither.
I often agree with Ginger but in this case I don’t think she could be more wrong. I guess I can only really speak for myself but I’d be more than happy to go on dates without sex and especially without an R having to be in the table. I may be cautious of someone only separated and would not allow myself to get too involved but I’d love to have someone to just go out with. I have to believe there are other guys like me. Might they want sex much sooner than me, perhaps. An R? I guess but it’s not at all a hard and fast yes.
I Keep getting told that I’ll not find a woman NOT looking for a LTR or M yet others say they are out there. Now saying that ALL guys want sex and an R is just simply not true. Not saying Kit should or should not date at this point. I’ve not followed this thread enough to have an opinion. If separated I’d have to say it’s not a good idea but to say she won’t find guys OLD just looking to casually date is just NOT TRUE. From what I’ve been told there are too many guys OLD that fall into this category. Yeah they may want sex on date 1 or 2 but she can say no. Not all guys want an I immediate R nor do all women. So why do many keep claiming this is the case? I’d love a causal date with someone I find interesting. Some level of physical contact or interaction is expected in time but it does not need to be immediate sex. It’s finding someone I find interesting who I’m attracted to that I find difficult. Maybe it’s the guys you've been choosing that all fall into these categories, Ginger? But it’s not all guys.
Just be honest about what you are expecting and looking for.
Thanks!!!
And, I don't think you are alone. Sure I've run across a guy within 24hr telling me he would relocate for LTR with me. I just kindly replied that I'm just getting started on this journey and thats more than I have to offer right now.
But, I also get the feeling that some are completely cool with the idea of some fun adventures.
I'm not crossing anything off my list. Meeting some cool interesting people, someone who I might find very attractive and interested in pursuing , and perhaps my H starts to poke his head around and show some interest... ALL OF THESE ARE POSSIBLE. I'm not going to try to predict the future. BUT, it is my job to be honest first and then true to myself second.
And i know different for everyone, but when is the time when you do start considering dating? 6 months in and im so not interested, ok if anyone asked if they could buy me coffee, yup i drink coffee, so i wouldnt decline possibly. But i would t actively join a dating website, although i do understand kk and an ego boost or a remedy for loneliness sounds really appealing. I recognise that whilst i might be able to receive attention im not ready to give it to anyone.
And if thats the case are we saying rhat most of WAS relationships (affairs) doNt last because tbh they were never started in a healthy place to start with?!
And i know different for everyone, but when is the time when you do start considering dating? 6 months in and im so not interested, ok if anyone asked if they could buy me coffee, yup i drink coffee, so i wouldnt decline possibly. But i would t actively join a dating website, although i do understand kk and an ego boost or a remedy for loneliness sounds really appealing. I recognise that whilst i might be able to receive attention im not ready to give it to anyone.
And if thats the case are we saying rhat most of WAS relationships (affairs) doNt last because tbh they were never started in a healthy place to start with?!
Steve will have a different answer than me because he is very religious.
For me, nothing healthy was going to happen until I could truly say I didn’t want my ex back. I needed to be over my ex to enter into anything healthy. It’s different for everyone, I really do think taking time to be alone , especially if you are raising children, it’s really important.
But separated , not divorced, still considering reconciliation if given the opportunity is not a fair or healthy time to be dating
and perhaps my H starts to poke his head around and show some interest...
ANd there it is.....................
My point was - I cannot predict the future.
What if I'm happily dating for the next 3 years... and then my H comes back around?
What would I do? IDK... If I'm happily involved with someone else then most likely NOTHING. But, if I'm still casually dating??? Would I consider it? Who knows.
I feel sometimes I get roasted for being completely honest.
And, again peeps... this is called dating... Do you expect to catch fish everytime you go out fishing?? Nope - sometimes you never get a bite on the line for a number of reasons.
I'm not looking for a LTR. I'm looking to get out there. I'm 51yr old. If I wait 5yr until I get Steve's approval I'm 56. It would be much different if I was 28 but I'm not.
I'd say DonH and Kind18 are the exceptions, not the rule. In fact, I knew a woman in KC's exact circumstances a few years back who started casually dating and was shocked at the number of men that expected that sex was part of the deal. And I should point out that it was pre-Tinder. I think that now sex as part of casual dating is even more than norm than it was back then.
In fact, KC, you mention the attention you've been receiving from other men. I highly doubt that is because of your personality, and your love of hobbies and other things. Not that those men could eventually be interested because of those things, but first meetings are all about things much more superficial than that! So that argument, to me, is much more in keeping with what Ginger has said.
As far as those disagreeing with Ginger, I am not sure a couple of exceptions to the rule make her wrong. Otherwise, eHarmony would be much more popular than Tinder.........and it ain't!
I was out dating 12yr ago. I can tell you during that time I went on lots of dates over a period of 2yr.
The only person I ever slept with during that 2-3yr period was my H.
Sure I had lots of opportunity... but I was never for much more than a quick bang.
So again. It can be done. You can have standards and happily date, go on adventures. As I said previously 3 of these guys are still on my FB friends list who I interact fairly regularly.
I would take a deep look within yourselves - Steve and Ginger. Perhaps your world view is heavily skewed from previous issues... and I'm sure mine is... I generally think that people are good. I tend to attract those types of people.
