Add me to the list of those who missed the freezer of dead pets. What the actual f@&k?!?!?!!! How did I miss that, but more importantly who the h3lllllll does that. And keep in mind this is from the person who twice a year has boxes of dead, preserved cats in boxes in my office until they go up to the anatomy lab for dissection. YIKES Andrew!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I’m guessing it was a “there’s no access to any place to bury them and no money for a pet cemetery so let’s save them until that magical day when we can bury them properly. “
Or else a really creepy aspect of hoarding.
I’d suggest the go out to Andrews brother’s property and bury them but then he would be putting his brother at risk of visits from this crazy woman. But I sure C.C. as he!! Wouldn’t be storing them at my house. Heck just dig a hole in the backyard before the ground freezes and bury them!
It always amuses me on how what seems minor to me gets picked up and noticed and then burns through multiple pages of my thread.
S's S18 who has a "lot" of anxiety issues had wee birds a few years ago - yes - these are long dead pets. When they died he couldn't face that or burying them or having them cremated so they were put into random boxes and tossed into one of two small chest freezers that S had. Now keep in mind that the way that these freezers - which were both full to the top despite S and the boys saying that they "had no food" - were used by whatever new stuff came in being just tossed and in many cases shoved in.
When she moved in, 75%+ of what was in the freezers was tossed. I saw the boxes just piled in with everything else, was told the story and because I didn't want to be looking for something and come across a dead bird, I built a plywood box that the three cardboard boxes fit in so that it could sit at the bottom of the freezer undisturbed. I also felt that would be more respectful of some critters that meant a lot to S18.
They are largely forgotten but do get mentioned from time to time - most recently in the context that S18 was feeling more confident of this being "home" and that it was safe to bury them here. They are right under the frozen pizzas that S18 uses for 80% of his sustenance.
The expectation has been that one day I'll dig a big enough hole to fit the plywood box and, with respect for the contents of the box and the boy who cares, they'll be respectfully given a permanent rest. Just one of several things that are in my head.
It doesn't really bother me much to have them in there especially with them safely contained.
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Very chatty here which is good even if we are burning through the thread yet again. I'll have to send job another box of cookies soon by the looks of it to pay for a new one.
Thanksgiving day here. I went to bed early and S spent some time with me. Woken up early too. The "moonlight wanderer" dog started roaming around the bed at about 5:30 - I really don't like sleeping with pets on the bed but it is preferable to barking, scratching and do-do on the floor. The dog has always slept with S - and it would be cruel to stop that. S13 came in complaining he was cold (currently refusing to wear warm clothes) at about 7:00. It got crowded, the dog was needing to go out, so I got up, took the dog to the yard, fed S's cats, turned the heat up and made myself a breakfast.
I'd gotten the dishes done up before bed as usual so the counter was still clean. S had said that she would be spending the evening baking and preparing for Thanksgiving dinner. She didn't. I suppose I should nudge her soon. Her Dad is expected around 11:00 with the turkey. Her daughter will probably be around about then too.
Her D19 seems to have decided that the rules don't apply to her and appears to be driving with her BF across the country - last seen in Alberta I think. I expect they are fueling the car on love as neither of them have had a job other than D19's occasional modeling gigs in many months. This is a surprise to S who know nothing about this trip but she doesn't seem to concerned. Me, I'd be freaking out and on the phone - and not just because they have driven right past DnJ's house which is in a hot zone at the present I believe. So - we're not expecting them for dinner. More practically D19 has some pretty substantial savings that generally she refuses to touch so they can have funding that way. I have almost complete confidence that S isn't sending them money since this trip is a surprise to her and she continues to have no knowledge of where they are, where they are going, when / if they are coming back etc. D19 has suggested that she wants to live in British Columbia and she does have an uncle there. Maybe they're moving?
The day will turn out fine I am sure. S's D26 will undoubtedly pull a rabbit out of the hat and all will be fine. S is happy but also scared that her parent's fine china will be out. It was a good study in how we view things very differently. There were some very thin cups that S believes belonged to her great-grandmother in the pile. She is concerned about them being damaged because "they are very valuable" - my comment that there must be a lot of memories wasn't her point of view - it was that they were "valuable". Sigh. Are all women my ex-wife? I am attached to very few "things" and those that I am attached to are there because of the memories involved. People may be more ephemeral than things, but they are what matter to me.
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I did have a really good day with my son yesterday. He - with some minor guidance from Dad - repaired the screen door to the balcony of his apartment. "The girls" (Liz actually came out for a bit of a petting) were very pleased as was S26. He felt good that this normal house-hold repair was now in his repertoire. He's been in the apartment since May and probably could have used that fresh air during the hot parts of the summer. I walked him through the process, held the screen in place and he did all the actual work. He was happy that I brought my splining tool as it does make screen installs much easier.
We had a nice lunch out as well. He gave me a set of spare keys to his apartment as a backup in case he gets locked out. He mentioned in passing that there were two sets cut - presumably the other for his mother.
We talked a fair bit. He's got an annoying co-worker and so vented about that but over-all it seems that he's pretty happy with his job and recognizes that the frustrations he has will exist no matter where he works. He's a bit of a perfectionist (wonder where he got that ) and co-workers who don't care about doing a good job bother him a lot.
We also talked about my own situation and I did ask about his prior warning. He said that he had told me that there was a lot of chaos around S - which I interpreted as her being a busy, active, whirlwind sort of person which I had actually thought would have been good to get me out of my rut. He had no comment about messy chaos so perhaps it is indeed a temporary thing as S keeps suggesting - although we all, including me doubt that.
I did mention that I thought that S would be pulling the plug - or not. He agreed with everyone that S does have it pretty good here and has no real reason to bail. And then gently pushed me that if I was unhappy that I also had the ability to end things. As is the case 99.5% of the time, he is absolutely right. It's funny - some decisions I can easily "just make". And others I waffle about for ever on. I can feel the answer within me. That I would be happier and healthier alone, possibly with a new feline buddy. I certainly would not want to have another partner which is a bit annoying as I quite liked being married. Having someone there who you can trust and lean on - albeit I've not had anyone who I can really do that with. Being part of a team. I don't want to be the one who pulls the plug - I hate the idea of being "the bad guy" and know that it would be very hard especially on S18 (I don't think S13 will really notice). A mutual decision would be best. S does know that I'm unhappy and I have now told her to the best of my ability the reasons why. I think she's stepped up her game but I do agree that it is unlikely to be sustainable and that she will resent it.
I asked and S26 did confirm that he's going to be spending Thanksgiving with his mother. I asked him to tell her "Happy Thanksgiving" from me. A tough thing to let out and to ask. I think it pleased him and does show that I am continuing to grow and move on.
I did take time on my way home (S was texting - where are you) and picked up some wild grasses and such and did the usual decorating of my side porch. I think it looks nice and I'm glad that I did it. S complimented it as well. She has a lot of decorations but none have gone up. She thinks that she can talk her daughter into doing it when she comes over (yes yes - there's the pattern).
Well - on with my day. I want to get my breakfast dishes cleaned up so that S and her daughter have free reign in the kitchen. I won't be doing any of the cooking which will just weird for me after having done it for several years now on my own for my son and I. The hole that their absence leaves is still very palpable. S's critters are no replacement - annoyances if anything a lot of the time although the dog is indeed a sweetie who is extremely fond of me. The boys are just "there" - mess making roaming blobs and S herself is more a passing presence than a constant especially given our very different schedules and lifestyles.
But - from Me, and from my village here in Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan, a very Happy Thanksgiving to all. I know that despite my grumbling, that I have so very very much to be thankful for.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I pray that the day turns out well and everyone can enjoy themselves. I also pray that everyone chips in and helps with the clean up and does not leave all of that to you.
I'm glad you were able to guide your son on repairing the screen and the girls now can enjoy some fresh air. I'm sure you miss your son and the girls. However, you can always escape the "clan" and go over to visit w/them for a while.
Take care and don't over do it today...try to relax.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
happy thanksgiving. no, not all women are your exw. some hold onto things because of the memories they evoke - I've worked hard to remedy holding onto the memories now rather than the things.
Yes, Andrew, I thought that's why you weren't pulling the plug - you don't want to be the bad guy. I'm offering you a different viewpoint today - that there is no good or bad in this situation, rather it is a matter of lifestyles being incompatible. What's that old adage - love is blind but living together is an eye-opener?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
The question is, why are you picking people like your ex-wife? There are an awful lot of women out there who aren’t hoarders or shopping addicts, who bend over backwards baking cookies for people and know how to stretch a budget. Who read and take care of their pets. (Ok I’m thinking of my sister as an example here but there are many women like her out there).
What is it about your past that makes you ignore these red flags? What was your family of origin like? Your relationship with your mom? Why do you believe you don’t deserve more?
It’s a challenge for all of us, to get to the root of bad patterns and stop repeating them.
) and co-workers who don't care about doing a good job bother him a lot.