Give a mouse a cookie

[AndrewP]

this might sound odd.
but - it came to me, and odd as it sounds in my head, I'm gonna share it anyway:

perhaps this is God's way of bringing you closer to Him/Her.

just a random thought as I read your update. I hope the time spent in the garden was refreshing.

A very dear friend of mine who happens to be Muslim I think gets annoyed at me saying In sha Allah - probably out of context.

It's weird perhaps. As DnJ suggests, yes in many ways I am perhaps a person of Faith. Just not any particular one. Spiritual perhaps. I certainly do espouse to a philosophy of "energy" permeating everything.

Oddly, S - despite her books and knick-nacks etc doesn't seem to be nearly as spiritual as I would have thought. The full moon and the equinox came and went and she barely noticed. As I was making digital copies of her stacks of CDs she did mention that all of the spiritual ones were ones she took from her parent's house after her mother died.

Odd - she's absolutely an empath and has lots of knick-nacks, books, potions and whatnot - but never seems to use them or have those principles guide her.

I am deeply worried that this relationship is headed off a cliff. Sadly, I don't really feel the necessity to make extreme efforts to save it - does that make me a potential WAS? On the other hand, in this past week S has begun I think pretzelling herself to be the person she thinks I want in my life. She's pushed the boys and worked herself on organizing and cleaning, she put away the left-overs the other night, she worked out in the garden for a bit, she certainly has become more directly affectionate as well. She's made mention numerous times about us getting married and how excited she is about that.

I'd be thrilled except for the fact that as someone who sees patterns, this is a pattern that she's mentioned from past relationships. Where despite the other person being horrible, she gives things one last try and pushes herself to "fix" what was "broken".

I hate that I'm so cynical about this. And perhaps I'm wrong and this is the beginning of her being a more active partner. I also hate that I lack the courage to have the honest talk with her about the fact that there are many things that just aren't working for me. We did have a talk yesterday about one of the things that bothers me - how when I disagree with her she just seems to shut me down and tell me that we're doing things her way. She of course doesn't recall it that way and says that I should just speak up at the time. We'll see how that goes. And yes - she tried to shut me down on that conversation telling me I was wrong and getting upset.

I do continue to have a belief that this can work and work out well for all parties - the tall AND the small. As I told her waaay back last fall when this was getting serious, I could see where we were at "A" and where we could be at "C" but had no clue on what sort of plan would get us through B and to C. Her approach has been to plunge in headlong and put things along by brute force I think. Which for someone like me can be an effective approach. I am very much an over-thinker, over-planner.

Oh - and the gardening. S had said that she would get S13 to "pull the flowers out of the flower bed" which raised some paranoia from me and I asked that they be really really careful to not pull out the 2 perennials that are in there. Some bleeding hearts that have been there since before I bought the house. She seemed to think my worry was misplaced. I don't know how much S13 actually did - he never seemed to move from the couch, but S was out there for a while and the perennials were still there.

I cleaned up the front and rear flower beds in preparation for winter. As I was doing the rear one, I thought I saw a rose that perhaps survived from when my ex took "her" plants from the flower beds. I'd not seen it before. S18 was cutting the grass and so I waved him over to get him to run over the main part of the flower beds, holding up this plant. Which he then ran over first. An honest mistake - he thought I was asking him to make sure that that one was mulched. We laughed. There really was nothing else that could be done.

It is nice to have that year-end prep somewhat done though. S left some plants that were still doing decently so it looks a bit lop-sided and patchy at present but a few weeks from now those will need to come out too. I believe that this is the very first time she's had anything to do with bedding plants. There were some things that she insisted on that didn't work out at all despite my suggesting they were bad ideas so hopefully next year will be better.

----

I went over and had brunch with S26. It was good to see him and "my girls". Amy came out with little coaxing and was very affectionate. Liz stayed in under his bed and wouldn't come out while I was there. Amy was thrilled that I brought their brush and had lots of purrs for me. She's way down in weight still but will hopefully chunk up again now that she's in a much lower stress environment. S26 is liking having them there a lot and is learning first hand what caring for them all on his own is like. I don't think he regrets it except for at 4:30am when they expect breakfast. He suggested that they are positive that "the rest of the house" is just beyond his apartment door and will paw at that wanting to go explore. Liz is pretty happy that she can get to the top of his fridge (her domain here) and can also wander along the top of his cupboards.

I took him a house-warming gift. A popcorn maker and popcorn for watching football with. And because he's a fan of the Bengals, a box of tissues for when they loose. He got the joke immediately and appreciated it.

Over lunch I had an honest conversation with him about my concerns with S and that things may well go off the rails. He seemed a bit dissapointed for me but also completely unsurprised. We also talked about B who he has very fond memories of, especially her kindness when he was learning to drive.

I'm going to skip making Sunday Supper today. Not sure if S will be doing anything special. We do have a functional kitchen again with everything more or less put away. The dining room is completely unusable though - mostly with "kitchen type stuff". I think I counted well over 30 mugs - and S doesn't drink coffee or tea. I have some household repairs to do and might look at doing some autumnal decorating. The trees are currently coming into their most spectactular - all rather suddenly.

This week should be fairly busy. Furnace service on Monday, month-end, and my pulmonary tests on Friday. S will be away at least a couple of days with baby-sitting - she stays overnight - it's complicated and I don't understand. And no - it is definite she's with her daughter and grandson. She's suggested leaving S13 here but I don't have time to help him with his school-work so we'll see how that goes. As usual she brushes off any concerns I may have by saying that S18 will take care of things which is her normal answer - and from S18's perspective that's a whole thread of it's own.

Ta for now.

[bttrfly]

Andrew, can you go to couple's counseling?? I think it will help. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

[bttrfly]

What I mean and would have changed if we had an edit button is this:

It seems to me that S could benefit from having a neutral party point some of this out. It would also allow you a safe place to say some of these things with someone neutral to point out better communication techniques.

[DonH]

Odd - she's absolutely an empath and has lots of knick-nacks, books, potions and whatnot - but never seems to use them or have those principles guide her.

See, to my eye this is not odd at all - it’s right out of the S playbook and MO. It’s all about talk and show, never about go or actual. She talks about many things, has plans to do all sorts, but when push comes to shove it goes nowhere. This is S through and through from what you’ve told us. So it makes perfect sense she’d buy or otherwise accumulate these things all with plans but the rubber just never meets the road.

I am deeply worried that this relationship is headed off a cliff. Sadly, I don't really feel the necessity to make extreme efforts to save it - does that make me a potential WAS?

No, not at all NOOOOOOOOO! It makes you human and points to you finally seeing this for what it has been all along. Not all Rs should be saved. Heck not all Ms should be saved but for certain not all 12 month Rs. You are not a WAW if you decide otherwise about S. You are not a bad guy or at all to blame if you don’t take on the mother load of trying to save something that perhaps should not be saved. I think deep down you know this and this is why you don’t feel a need to save things. This is a positive, not a negative.

S will be away at least a couple of days with baby-sitting - she stays overnight - it's complicated and I don't understand. And no - it is definite she's with her daughter and grandson.

Im sure she is. I’m also sure she’s using this as an opportunity to be away and stay away - if even n chunks and bits. Seems B did the same thing towards the end. This is S’s way of dealing with this - by not really having to deal with it. She will just leave HER kids behind while she stays away and avoids. Sad.

Yes it’s hard to know all that is going on just from posts but in ways it’s also easier. The differences in how and what you post are striking. You even seem sure this is going off a cliff, which is a total contrast from even 4 months ago. You don’t seem to be looking forward to much. You have lost and miss the girls, your life is drastically different. You’ve given up much of what makes you happy from walks to a glass or two of beer to travel to puttering and tackling tasks to planning Sunday dinners. And in return???? In return you are much better off because...?

I think the best thing you can do is let S play this out. Don’t save her. Let her do what she will do. Let her show YOU how much she wants this to work. Let her show YOU what she is willing to do. That’s what dating is, or at least should be. It’s okay to walk away or let the other person do it. This is not a 23 year M, it’s only 5% of that - less than. You are not a bad guy for saving yourself and your future while you still can - that’s not being a bad guy in the least.

[bttrfly]

you know, Don is right.
I'm not.
Just trying to be optimistic in a spiraling situation is probably not helpful. OTOH, if you felt the need to try to save it, couple's counseling could do one of three things -
a. help prolong the inevitable
b. speed up the process of ending it
c. perhaps - long shot - help work things out

i just realized i'm telling you to consider couple's counseling with some other guy's wife, wtaf.

just ignore me Andrew, except for the {{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}

[job]

Andrew,

Reading your recent postings makes me very sad that your situation really has not improved in the 4 months that she and her clan have been living under your roof. Most people would be putting on the best behavior of all times to convince you that you had made the right choice when it came to a potential spouse in the near future. I honestly do not think couples therapy will help S figure things out. Her brain is wired differently, i.e., because of the ADD. I can't see you and S in couples therapy when she's not even divorced yet. BTW, her mentioning about getting married may have been to see how you would react to her comment or she really looking forward to saying "I do".

I do find it interesting that she can get herself together and go stay w/her daughter and grandson. How is she able to take care of her grandson if her back bothers her? I would think that being there and doing things w/the little one would create some situations whereby she needs to walk and move things when he's up and about. I want you to be honest...do you think the back issue is not as bad as she says and she uses that back issue to get out of doing things?

Also, it appears that she shuts you down quite often when you are attempting to speak to her about things. Communication is about two people talking to one another and that means one listens while the other speaks. She has an issue with relationships and she can't handle hearing things that are so obvious to others, hence the shutting down.

I have to agree w/Don. You need to allow this to play out w/S. I know you love a neat and orderly home, but step back a bit and let's see how long it takes her to unpack the boxes and get things put away. Again, I don't think she'll be much different 6 months from now when it comes to being neat and orderly. What you have seen is what you will get because it's the way that she may have always been. Sure, she may try to participate in activities w/you, but she'll get bored very easily and who go on to seek something else that will grab her attention for a short period of time. Their attention span is that of a gnat. The only things that hold there attention are the TV, what is on computers and the phone. I learned that from someone who is AD/HD.

Andrew, if this relationship does go south, don't be ashamed to admit it to her. Living together was the only way that you and S, both, will discover whether or not you are compatible in all areas of the living arrangement.

Take some time, make a list of what you've brought to the table, pros and cons and then make a list of what she's brought to the table, pros and cons. Look at all you have had to give up or arrange when she's not around, i.e., your son moved out and now the "girls" are gone. You have to enjoy your alcohol when she's not around and you come home to a house that is still unpacked or get up in the morning to a sink full of dirty dishes. Let's not forget you are the taxi for the two boys as well. Andrew, from where I'm sitting, you don't sound as happy as you should be 4 months into living together. I hope things turn around for you, but you may have to accept that what you see and what you will have to live with if you do decide to say "I do" down the road. Do not rush into a marriage once her divorce is final. Do not feel obligated to go through w/it unless you are absolutely happy with the entire relationship.

[dream]

dream!!!!! - [squeals like a little girl and runs over with a hug]

How are you and the boys doing? Staying safe and sane I would hope. If memory serves they are both of school age now?

Yes - some of the things that brought me a lot of Joy are absent. Cooking, cleaning, spending time in the garden, going for really long walks. I also miss beer, a nice bottle of wine, a good single-malt scotch.

I remember having a discussion with Jack_Three_Beans here - it seems like forever ago - on one of my primary drivers and motivations. It's pride. It still is. And I think in one word that sums up why I feel like I'm living under a cloud. I am still proud of "me" and who I am but am living my life under a bushel.

((((HUGS))))

We're all doing okay here. Staying safe and at home most of the time. My older boys are 12 and 14. They are doing well with remote school (7th and 9th). I mostly stay out of it, but watch from behind the scenes if work is being turned in on time. I haven't done any "teaching" or helping with homework. My younger boys are now 2 and 4. They started a new day care this month and that's been going great. My oldest is playing football. Only 2 tickets are given per player to attend the games. It's been a little weird spending so much time with XH, but we get along well enough.

Have you given any thought to how you can bring joy back into your life on a daily basis? Do you still get your roses? and scones? I'm glad you've reconnected with your son. And shared with him your concerns about S. That couldn't have been easy to do.

Perhaps you could get together for dinner with a friend sometime this week while S is away? I'm sorry things aren't going as you expected with S. One important thing I learned from my 1st marriage is that it takes 2 people to make a relationship work. I tried to do it all and obviously that didn't work. I couldn't force him to change and certainly no one is going to change S either. Only she can put in effort to contribute to your relationship and work to make things better. You said she tidied up a bit and pushed the boys to do some work around the house... real sincere changes will stay true over time. so we'll have to stay tuned! Time will tell.

[kml]

she stays overnight - it's complicated and I don't understand

I suspect her daughter knows she can't count on mom to show up on time for the second day and so wants her to spend the night to ensure that she'll be there on time in the morning.

[Dawn70]

(((Andrew)))

Again, I feel the need to start this whole post with a big hug because your most recent posts can't have been easy to put out there and I'm sure that you are struggling mightily internally. A hug may help you feel better, if nothing else.

Having said that, I agree with Don. S seems to be really good at talking a good game, but she has little to no actual follow-through. When I went through my D, one conversation that I had with my XH repeatedly was that actions speak louder than words. He was cheating and then got mad AT ME when people started finding out. It wasn't me telling people, it was how HE was acting and behaving toward others. Actions tell the real story.

Here's my thing about S (I started to say question, but it is more an observation based on personal opinion than an actual question)...you say she's an empath. Sparky and I have been discussing this a lot lately because I think a lot of people throw that word around and very few actually know what it means. I was relating to him that I know someone who claims to be an empath (a friend of mine that he's met in passing once) and she is totally the opposite of one (he agrees that she does not seem to possess the actual qualities of an empath). I know another person who has said before that she is one and I can kind of see it with her. I don't know if S is or not because I don't know her personally and have spent no time with her, but I suspect that her "empath" qualities are much more put-on than she would lead others to believe. I just don't think she truly is one or she would be more wary of how you are feeling in all of this and she would do something about it.

You've made excuses for her medical issues and her ADD, but at what point does anyone hold her responsible for just being set in her ways and maybe even a bit lazy? (No judgment on my part, because I'll openly admit to the world right here that I can be lazy as the day is long on occasion and will every once in a great while work harder to avoid work than I would have to work to actually do the work I'm working so hard to avoid.) She lives in this world of chaos and then can't quite seem to get out of it because she's tired, her back hurts, she's overwhelmed because she has ADD, etc, etc, etc. She lived in chaos when you started dating and she lives in chaos now that y'all live together, but chaos is not the state you want to live in. If she was truly an empath, at some point, wouldn't she figure that out and at least make some actual gestures toward working on it?

I also agree with kml in that I suspect her daughter has her spend the night to baby sit so that she is actually there when daughter needs her there. The way you have described the family dynamic, the daughter seems far more responsible than S. I think it is just part and parcel of who she is and if she isn't putting her best foot forward NOW on the front end of this deal, what is it going to be like down the road when she has settled in for the long haul, so to speak.

I want to ask a question that has been plaguing me for awhile and I just haven't take the time to dig back through your threads to confirm what I think I remember. Isn't S the one that your son warned you against dating when you very first brought it up. If she is, I don't recall your ever mentioning what his actual issue was that prompted his warning, but maybe now it is making more sense. I don't know...I may be mis-remembering this whole thing and that warning may have been about someone else.

I may be wrong here, but it seems to me that maybe you are seeing the writing on the wall, so to speak. Please, whatever you do moving forward, remember to take care of Andrew first. You are a good man with many positive qualities to offer to a kind, caring, loving woman. Please, please, please do NOT settle. Think about what you want and what you need and act accordingly.

[AndrewP]

What a heck of a day yesterday. Call from the plant. The acid is purple. WTF??? We still have no idea how that happened. It was in the heel left in the container when it was shipped to us for re-filling. Actually the guys at the plant were having a worse day than I was - I just got the earful about it and had to do what I could to fix things. Hoping today is better all around. So far, so good - knock on wood.

S came across a puir wee dead mouse in the cellar. It looked like the one who had been on the main floor that the cats found but I can't tell them apart for sure. The poison worked I suppose. She thought it was still barely breathing but when I went down a few minutes later it was stiff. I carefully packed it into the trash so that it won't be in the food chain. It's very sad but S does fortunately agree necessary to prevent vermin in the house. She has used a more humane but still fatal trap in the past that I'm open to. I know the patterns they take through the house historically so we can be sure of catching them if we go that route.

Also - when I was outside getting prepared for our evening out, I came across a big squished frog in the driveway. I have no idea how he got there or squished as the car hadn't moved in a day or so and he was fresh. Perhaps dropped by a bird?

As far as signs and portents go, these are pretty bad ones I am sure.

I was tempted to respond earlier but have found that I've been getting very reactive to posts and also that the issues and the re-enforcement of my own perspective of the negatives have been souring me. I've made some notes over the last few days though which I'll talk about. After job's post - which I really appreciated like everyone's including - brace yourself - Don's - I just wanted to go to S and say "this isn't working - we're trying to put a square peg into a round hold". I slept on it and didn't feel as motivated to take action.

Difficult as it is for me, I do think as has been suggested, is to just let things play out. For good or for ill. I do have reduced - not expectations, but rather hope - that this will turn around. It makes me feel very sad and rather hypocritical about not trying to "fix" things or be pro-active in calling for an end. I honestly in many ways don't want an end. I would like this to work but as I've said, I'm not going to force it.

----

Addressing some questions. Lots and lots of questions.

I want to ask a question that has been plaguing me for awhile and I just haven't take the time to dig back through your threads to confirm what I think I remember. Isn't S the one that your son warned you against dating when you very first brought it up. If she is, I don't recall your ever mentioning what his actual issue was that prompted his warning, but maybe now it is making more sense.

Good memory Dawn. Yes, S is the person that my son told me to not date quite some time ago. He didn't enunciate any particular reason beyond her being gluten-free which seemed weird. I do know that he had spent time in her home and if he had told me that she was a slob and that there was a house-full of chaos I would have indeed not dated her. But that's not the case. When I did tell him that I had been asked out last year, he appeared unconcerned. But then again, he perhaps never expected things to get serious.

she stays overnight - it's complicated and I don't understand

I suspect her daughter knows she can't count on mom to show up on time for the second day and so wants her to spend the night to ensure that she'll be there on time in the morning.

Difficult to say. Her daughter works at a pub and so works late. They are an hour away so the back and forth is a bit of work. There seems to be a reluctance to leave the toddler with his Dad.

Have you given any thought to how you can bring joy back into your life on a daily basis? Do you still get your roses? and scones? I'm glad you've reconnected with your son. And shared with him your concerns about S. That couldn't have been easy to do.

Working on that. I still get my roses and have adjusted my schedule so that it is guaranteed to happen. Because of the partial shutdowns I can get my scone but not the soup on Sunday as there is no eat-in. S got her nose out of joint one time when I popped over on my own so now I let her know in advance that I am going so she can decide to come along. She used to work there doing dishes one day a week - all she says her back could take - and likes to visit and gossip and expects to be bought a sweet treat. Last week I think she was annoyed when I handed her her own pocket money as we went in then ordered and paid for my scone before she could add in what she wanted :P

I am trying to do my own thing anyway more. And you are right, it wasn't an easy conversation with my son and one that he perhaps appreciated being aware of, but probably made him both sad and uncomfortable.

I do find it interesting that she can get herself together and go stay w/her daughter and grandson. How is she able to take care of her grandson if her back bothers her? I would think that being there and doing things w/the little one would create some situations whereby she needs to walk and move things when he's up and about. I want you to be honest...do you think the back issue is not as bad as she says and she uses that back issue to get out of doing things?

I am confident that her back does go out and can go out badly. I've witnessed it. With proper precautions and taking things easy she manages it but does live in fear of that one spasm that puts her out of action. It is indeed very physical taking care of a toddler, especially one as busy as this one is. She tries to have one of the other kids with her (she has S13 right now and D19 has helped).

I think that it is in many ways an excuse. She knows the exercises and ways to keep it safe. For anything - ahem - more athletic - she doses up on a particular fragrent herb before hand. Annoying to me but my nose has now been attached to my hormones as it were She says it's necessary to relax her back muscles.

----

And now the "news".

I do think that she has burned out her enthusiasm fairly quickly to "make things right". She was actively questioning me to find out what parts of the house bothered me the most which is the thing that she wants to "fix". She made good progress for a while but by yesterday was only able to poke here and there going through random containers finding random stuff. The physical affection has gone back to the usual playful or "normal" level from the over-the top way it was for a couple of days too.

I did make mention to her that the house feels "dark" to me which goes along with my "living under a cloud" description of my former marriage. But I think she puts it down to the physical environment rather than me not finding fulfillment in the day to day life and was really pushing on that plus being more affectionate in multiple ways. In talking about how we can decorate the house for autumn I did mention how much pride I had in how nice I was able to have the house look and hoped we would work to make it look nice this year together. But it didn't have much sticking power I think.

It was our "anniversary" yesterday. 1 year from our first date. Manufactured perhaps. It was my doing to celebrate it as S didn't recall when it was. I mentioned it a few weeks ago as coming up so she was aware. Unfortunately the cafe where we had our first brunch date is closed on Tuesdays so we went out to dinner somewhere else. I'd thought of doing something a bit more extravagant but just got a card and the dinner. I wrote in the card that it's been a bumpy ride but that love has helped smooth it. She also got me just a card and wrote in it the appropriate expressions of love.

It was a decent dinner out but there is certainly a continuation of the ongoing tension. I made comments about how great the progress has been to date. Her key focus I think is on getting me into the garage before snow-falls. Which I always felt was aspirational rather than achievable. She's stressing about it and I don't think it's doable as there are some large things in there like her reclining exercise bike which had lived under a pile of other stuff in her apartment that she says she wants to keep and use - got offended that I would ask in fact. I gave the one I had away when she moved in. I did ask about some of the things that are already taking up space such as the several totes of kids toys which includes a massive plastic doll-house. She said that the kids still play with it and all the other toys. Which is unlikely as it's been in the cellar for months and previously was in her hallway being continuously tripped over. I had thought it had special meaning but no - it's just a "valuable" doll house with a lot of bits. She did immediately go on the attack when I suggested that some things could be purged commenting that I too was attached to things like my lilac bushes and also complaining that I was consuming lots of storage with the sheds with the trailers inside, the garage for my car etc. Sigh. A wise man knows when to stand down. Her daughter is the only hope for getting her to let go of things but even then I know that it's a struggle.

Part of it I am positive is with how she perceives time. I think part of her is stuck in what was a happy time even though it was also pretty bad in some ways. She and the kids - with S13 just having been born, living in a big house in the country with a pond and lots of stars. It only lasted for I think a year or so before physical, financial and marital disaster over-took her and she lost it. I do know that a lot of the stuff she's been dragging around came from there or caught her eye as fitting into that place. She recently regularly comments on how she has brought in the stuff from a big house with 7 people in it. A perspective that she's unable to shake I think.

We did go over our October budget the other day and it's not looking pretty. S still isn't clear on how the money gets managed as I operate with zero revolving debt so there's nothing being "paid down". Payments are made on fixed debt on a pre-planned schedule. I know what bills are coming in each month and what expenses are usual like taxes and water bills and plan for those. I set money aside for annual bills so that when the come due they are covered. Seems straightforward to me but my brain does work differently than her's and I have had different financial life experiences. I have no visibility at all into her own finances and do not intend to push that issue. She has commented about contributing but she has "bills to pay" of her own. And some bills do indeed still exist. Given though that she was making about $400 / month in car payments, $1,400 / month in rent, plus utilities, insurance not to mention food and discretionary and paying back the money she owed her ex, the $1,500-$2,000 she has come up with each month is a smaller number than expected. She does pull in she told me earlier nearly $3,000 / month in various support payments. So the numbers don't add up and poking more into that is probably a bad idea unless I want to start a war.

On a more positive note, after we talked about the budget and I went off and added all the numbers up, I told her we were short and she buys in to the fact that we need to limit spending beyond what we had talked about and that she does need to contribute. I think she feels she is contributing "her share" with what she is putting in already.

In further news, Thanksgiving is coming up. I'll be having brunch with my S26 on the Saturday which I had talked to S about in the context that he won't be joining us with her Dad and that perhaps his mother will feed him. Then I got the hairy eyeball and she was upset when I mentioned that I wouldn't be going to see her Dad on the Saturday. But on the other hand she has no firm plans on anything and when I asked she was uncertain on when Thanksgiving will be celebrated, whether it would be the Sunday or Monday - depending on when her own kids were available. Sigh. I believe we are supposed to be going through a bunch of her Dad's heirloom stuff which he both wants to sort out and hand down, but is reluctant to because he is (in my mind rightly) worried that they won't be taken care of well by S.

I do think that S18 knows that things are uncertain and troubled. He's a smart kid and we do talk a fair bit as I drive him back and forth to work. He also hears and notices my grumbling as I spend time picking up after everyone.

None of this is easy.

In other funny news, I have been getting random compliments from women on my t-shirts lately for some reason. They are nice shirts that I have owned for some time but for some reason I am now being complimented on them. And no - I bear no resemblance to Dwayne Johnson. I have much more hair.

Missing my girls still. Even Amy who would stick her entire head in my tea mug when I'm not paying attention. The two cats left are pretty stand-offish to me. I'm glad the girls are with S26 now though. It's best all around. One of the cats here got out yesterday but fortunately didn't make it far before he was caught. I expect it's just a matter of time before they are roaming the neighbourhood which I've been clear on not wanting to happen.

So the plan is to do my best - keep things on an even keel. Be a honest as I can be without being too negative or alarmist. And watch how this plays out.

As I've told S - and gotten the hairy eyeball for - if this was easy then everyone would be doing it.

Time for lunch.