WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4)

[ovrrnbw]

I wouldn't ask her not to call. It's pretty. A phone call is a better form of communication than text or email too in most ways.

Did she pay you back for the fake tatas yet? If not I'd be considering returning those expensive handbags for her.

What does she mean you guys aren't selling the house?

[Mumin]

Thanks for posting Ovr and Val!
I need to vent and handle more feelings than I thought today.
Her going public hit me more than it should and more than I thought it would.
Feeling better now and got through the work day well, including 2 hrs at the gym.
I feel even stronger now that I want to finish the whole D process and move on physically!

Val your points are great and I will Re read them. Thanks!!

Ovr I also prefer a phone call most of the time but now she called and then wrote for me to call her back as soon as I could. When a four word text would have been sufficient. But you are both right. VAL your text suggestion would be best and I will reference it in the future.

She paid the original debt quite fast but now owes for a heat pump.
I have brought it up when we talk about splitting assets so should be fine.

With the house I assume she meant that she wants me to buy her share of the house, no matter what.
We both agree it would be good for the kids and she can't afford it.
I have already told her I will max my house credit and loan some money from my parents to do it. But it will mean we agree to a valuation of the house that's a bit lower than market value. Not much though so in a sales process she could even get less if we are unlucky. So her getting a new realtor to do a second valuation just prolongs the process really...

[Valeska19]

Thanks for posting Ovr and Val!
I need to vent and handle more feelings than I thought today.
Her going public hit me more than it should and more than I thought it would.
Feeling better now and got through the work day well, including 2 hrs at the gym.
I feel even stronger now that I want to finish the whole D process and move on physically!

Try to be kind to yourself with the "shoulds". Feelings and thoughts are not really things that we can control. They just kinda are. As you feel them - you learn valuable information about yourself. Also feeling them diminishes your chances of reaction and strengthens your chance of responding... IMHO.

With the house I assume she meant that she wants me to buy her share of the house, no matter what.
We both agree it would be good for the kids and she can't afford it.
I have already told her I will max my house credit and loan some money from my parents to do it. But it will mean we agree to a valuation of the house that's a bit lower than market value. Not much though so in a sales process she could even get less if we are unlucky. So her getting a new realtor to do a second valuation just prolongs the process really...

I haven't read through your sitch but do you have a L involved? My thoughts are to becareful here. I'm not sure if she is prolonging the process as much as feeling that she is entitled to more. It could also be both. Not your problem really. What do you want to do about the house?

[Mumin]

Thanks Valeska. It's good to feel.

An L is involved but since in Scandinavia we it isn't as important.
I want to buy the house. I love the house and it's my kids home.
I told her that in March when she was crazy about wanting to move out. At that point I said, get a rental and juts do it. She didn't. In May I told her I had cleared an extended credit with the bank and all of a sudden she wasn't in a hurry anymore.... I didn't feel the need to rush things (meanwhile DBing and finding my own ways) but after summer vacations I've felt a much stronger will/need to move on.

I came home late. Going to bed in D6s room since W and kids are sleeping in MBR...

[ovrrnbw]

Sleep in your bed and put the kids in their own beds.

If she is calling when a short text would suffice I would call that a positive sign and move on.

[Mumin]

Thanks Ovr. You are always to the point and helpful! Thank you so much for sticking around!
Sleeping in my own bed tonight. W actually appologized this morning.
She also arranged for D6 to start Ballet again which we discussed.
As mentioned she is getting less wayward. Still spending thousands on clothing and accessories while she should be saving for an apartment though...

Though D3 had a complete breakdown this morning and I had to step in and calm her down.
Hoping my strongest that she will be a good mother. Like she used to be.

[LH19]

M,

What do you mean she's less wayward. She's posting her relationship with OM while still married. That's extremely wayward.

[Mumin]

What I mean is she considers me and the kids in her every-day life MORE.
So less wayward than her GET ME OUT mentality and ZERO regard of me or kids from a few months back.
As Ovr put it, I take these things as positives signs for co-parenting.
If she would have had the same mentality as in Feb-April I would have declined to co-parent and monitored her actions from a distance to see if had a case for full custody or not.
I am glad we are not going down that road.

With regards to OM and marriage I think she simply doesnt consider herself married anymore.
D process is started and we are close (I hope) to splitting our assets.
She rolled her yes at me when I said "we are married you know" as early as January...
Also, I think this is an easy way for her to just notify people of the news, without actually having to talk to anyone.
I asked my brother who also follows her on Instagram and he hadnt seen anything either so she is hand-picking who gets to see it and it probably looks to other people as though I also can see it.

She's just a lame and weak individual.
Freakishly hot but very weak and selfish.

[Mumin]

Just spoke to W after putting kids to bed.
She agrees to me buying the house and I am scheduling an appointment with th L to finalize the financial thing.
It ain't over till it's over but I'm glad we are moving forward!
Didn't use those words but we agreed to co-parenting as well.

Spent the weekend mostly with friends, helping out with wood work, some partying, sauna and hit the gym.
Been reading some sitches that turn around recently and I can feel I still have a will for that to happen in my sitch.
Logically I don't want anything to do with her but some feelings remain.
I need to examine why. She treated me like garbage for a full year and is living with OM...

[LH19]

Logically I don't want anything to do with her but some feelings remain.
I need to examine why. She treated me like garbage for a full year and is living with OM...

Instability and the fear of the unknown. Thinking you will never find someone as "freakishly hot as her". All catastrophic thinking and a waste of time. No one knows what the future holds.