So, let me ask you, what do you think this changes?
Good question, Steve.
It doesn't change anything, really. W is still doing what she said at the outset. I still need to continue to DB: detach, GAL, work on being AMOAFWL, continue to avoid pursuit and rescue. I am still hoping for (eventual) reconciliation, but am keeping in mind that this is a marathon not a sprint.
The more steps away though, the further to come back, so although its not surprising I wish it wasn't happening.
So, let me ask you, what do you think this changes?
Good question, Steve.
It doesn't change anything, really. W is still doing what she said at the outset. I still need to continue to DB: detach, GAL, work on being AMOAFWL, continue to avoid pursuit and rescue. I am still hoping for (eventual) reconciliation, but am keeping in mind that this is a marathon not a sprint.
The more steps away though, the further to come back, so although its not surprising I wish it wasn't happening.
Good answer, except for that last sentence. She is no further away than she's ever been. You just haven't faced that reality in your own mind until now.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
In a way, that almost sounds positive - "No further away".
Sometimes it seemed like things were getting better (especially in mid-September last year) but now my W is proving to be a master of detachment and GAL.
In a way, that almost sounds positive - "No further away".
Sometimes it seemed like things were getting better (especially in mid-September last year) but now my W is proving to be a master of detachment and GAL.
Eh, it isn't the same. Detachment <> being unplugged. She unplugged, not detached. Also, she's not GAL, she's doing what she wants to do. Lots of LBSs think "my WAS is DBing better than I am!" The point of DBing is to prepare the LBS for what comes next.....whether R or D. Your WAW is already ready for what comes next! She's ready to move on. The GAL and detaching is for you to do the same.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The point of DBing is to prepare the LBS for what comes next.....whether R or D.
I'm still aiming for R. (Like everyone else here, I suppose!)
What I can tell you, is rarely is that the outcome when the are aiming for it. When you really let go and get to a point where you are ready to move on, then the opportunity may arise.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
When you really let go and get to a point where you are ready to move on, then the opportunity may arise.
The 'moving on' is the part I struggle with. As a Christian I don't believe in divorce or remarriage, so I'm in for a single life if my W and I never reconcile. (I won't divert the forum by going into the scriptures behind that, but google 'john piper divorce remarriage position paper' for a succinct but thorough analysis that pretty much explains it.)
Perhaps I shouldn't be so hung up on wording, perhaps I should just take Steve's words as 'ready to live life solo'.
When you really let go and get to a point where you are ready to move on, then the opportunity may arise.
The 'moving on' is the part I struggle with. As a Christian I don't believe in divorce or remarriage, so I'm in for a single life if my W and I never reconcile. (I won't divert the forum by going into the scriptures behind that, but google 'john piper divorce remarriage position paper' for a succinct but thorough analysis that pretty much explains it.)
Perhaps I shouldn't be so hung up on wording, perhaps I should just take Steve's words as 'ready to live life solo'.
I too do not believe in divorce and remarriage due to the scriptures. The only exception being in the case of sexual sin (referred to as fornication in the KJV). So I understand. I was in the same situation as you. Even though my W had an EA (a gray area since there was no physical contact), I was looking at a life of being single due to my deeply held spiritual beliefs. Even with that, I had to let go, let her go, let her figure herself out, and focus on myself. If I had continued to pursue her I believe I would be divorced, and single, today. However, my faith in God was such that I knew that no matter what happened, I was going to be ok! Trust Him!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Our belief is that sex is for people within the bounds of marriage.
Please note, I am not casting judgement on anyone else's choices. This is my personal belief. I shared it here to show Joe that I related to his beliefs on the subject.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
