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A Message from Michele
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Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902771
08/27/20 02:13 PM
08/27/20 02:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,699
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DejaVu6  Offline OP
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DnJ. Thanks...lol. TDH called me last night and we talked for an hour and a half. More ďgetting to know youĒ kinds of topics without the crazy flirting. We talked movies, kids (always talk kids), bucket list, family dynamics, food, friends, hockey...lots of hockey. I love that when I ask him a question, he fully answers it. No one-line answers or shoulder shrugs. It is so refreshing from what Iíve been used to. Jack was a shoulder shrugger... self reflection was not something he did a lot of. XH was too. He rarely talked about what was going on in his inner world. Mostly he just told stories to entertain. So this is a new and welcome change. Also scary because the more I get to know him, the more I like him and that brings up some uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability. But nothing ventured, nothing gained so I am trying to enjoy the process more and not worry about what the final outcome will be. If nothing else, the ending of my marriage has taught me that I am stronger than I realized. smile


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902781
08/27/20 04:22 PM
08/27/20 04:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,374
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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Posts: 16,374
Quote
If nothing else, the ending of my marriage has taught me that I am stronger than I realized.


I became fearless after. The worst had already happened, and I'd survived it, so every thing else was small potatoes. Boyfriend breakup? Nothing compared to losing a spouse of 24 years. Get onstage and play music? If I stink, who cares? I was brave enough to do it!

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902812
08/28/20 02:02 AM
08/28/20 02:02 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,699
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DejaVu6  Offline OP
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Thatís exactly what I think KML. I know I can get through almost anything so no fear. laugh


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902824
08/28/20 04:04 PM
08/28/20 04:04 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,699
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DejaVu6  Offline OP
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Well...the upside of my hockey game getting cancelled last night is that I got to spend that time talking with TDH on the phone. Gosh you guys...I am just learning so much about him and vice versa. We've talked about things I haven't even talked with my sister about. The conversation is just so easy. He said he is glad we don't live near each other right now because we can get to know each other without being sidetracked by physical attraction. I fully agree although I'm not gonna lie, really looking forward to getting sidetracked by it next weekend...lol. Still...he told me yesterday that he is totally okay with taking things slow and that he wants me to be completely comfortable with him. He also said he's going to be really nervous when it does happen...yeah...that makes two of us. Anyway...I know there are a lot of skeptics among you but the more he and I talk, the better I feel about where things are at with us. He says he really wants to make this work and so do I so I guess time well tell... I'm happy. smile


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902850
08/29/20 01:20 PM
08/29/20 01:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,562
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DnJ Offline
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DnJ  Offline
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Good Morning DV

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Also scary because the more I get to know him, the more I like him and that brings up some uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability.

Yep, allowing someone to get close, opens one up to being vulnerable. Those feelings are a good sign that your walls are lowered and you can extend trust.

For what itís worth, you are proceeding fearlessly. Fearless does not mean reckless. You are cautious and not fearfully paralyzed so as unable to act. A good place to be, IMO.

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Anyway...I know there are a lot of skeptics among you but the more he and I talk, the better I feel about where things are at with us.

Everyone is both skeptic and cheerleader. People can see the risks, and no one is wishing for failure.

I think it was your own inner skeptic that this was more written for. You are wise and can see the risks. And strong so to accept them and see where things go. A little skepticism is a good thing; keeps you a bit grounded as you are being lifted up.

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I'm happy. smile

Glad to hear it. Thatís kind of the goal, ainít it?

Fearlessly forward.

D


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902851
08/29/20 02:42 PM
08/29/20 02:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,699
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Thanks for being a great cheerleader D. Iíve always been someone who believes in taking risks. Drove my mom crazy...lol. She was very measured in everything she did and always, always erred on the side of caution. She was also very private and called me her ďheart on her sleeveĒ girl. I used to interpret it as disapproval but looking back, I think she just worried about me being hurt. As I got older though, and she saw how resilient I was despite my vulnerabilities, I could see that she was also a little bit proud that I didnít let my experiences change the person I am at my core. It does bother me though that she went to her grave thinking that I was in a marriage with someone who was lying to me and treating me so disrespectfully [I found out after she died that she thought he was lying and cheating on me.]. I hope there is a heaven and she is looking down and knows that I am doing well and no longer living a lie.

Complete topic change... I donít think I have mentioned on here that I am having surgery on September 8th. My twin pregnancy did a big number on my abdominal muscles and my stomach in general. There is just no bouncing back from carrying two huge babies (8 lbs 1 oz & 7 lbs 3 oz) to term. So Iíve opted to get a tummy tuck as a kind of gift to myself and, in a way, symbolically ridding myself of the last reminder of my marriage. I used to really love my stomach so I am excited to be getting it back...lol. Not super excited about the recovery process but hey, I do get another two weeks off of work so thereís that. TDH was really sweet when I told him about it. He said he thinks Iím beautiful either way but if it is something I really want to do, I should go for it. He also said he will be worrying about me the entire time. My sister is going with me. Itís at a clinic about an hour and a half away so Iím having to stay the night in a hotel after the surgery so the nurse can check in on me in the morning and make sure everything is okay. Luckily the clinic is on the bottom floor of the hotel so I donít have to go far.

Anyway....time to get out of bed and face the day. (((HUGS))) to all. Have a great weekend everyone.


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902912
09/01/20 01:16 PM
09/01/20 01:16 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,699
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DejaVu6  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2018
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Two sleeps until my weekend with TDH. Since our face-to-face meeting, he has continued to call me daily. Our conversations are a mix of funny story telling and serious ďhow do you feel about thisĒ kinds of information exchanges. So far so good.

Last night I got a better timeline re: his divorce. He and his XW separated five years ago and the divorce was finalized three years ago. He has dated for the past three years but not anyone he could picture having a LTR with until me. He hasnít had an LDR before but doesnít think the distance between us is that big of an obstacle - especially since I live in the area he eventually wants to relocate to. We figure we can see each other at least a couple weekends a month which is a lot more often than many people in LDRís get to see each other. Still early days but I am happy with how things are going and how much he is communicating with me.

This weekend is going to be interesting. Itís just going to be him and I for most of it although my sister wants me to bring him out to the lake so she and BIL can meet him. I am going to make a game-time decision about that one. I know he will get along well with them and our other friends who will be out there but not sure I want to expose him to the scrutiny quite yet. He says it is completely up to me and he is happy to meet anyone I want to introduce him to. The weather is supposed to be amazing out there this weekend and it is my ďhappy placeĒ so it is definitely tempting. smile


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902920
09/01/20 02:35 PM
09/01/20 02:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,562
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DnJ Offline
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Good Morning DV

Good luck on the 8th. Iíll try to remember - no jokes. It only hurt when I laugh, I suspect will be an apt statement for a few weeks after. smile

Iím glad things are going well with TDH. I did smile at the thought of the scrutiny he might get. Nice to see he is confident in meeting whomever you would like to introduce him to.

D


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2903058
09/03/20 02:17 PM
09/03/20 02:17 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,699
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Posts: 1,699
Thanks D. (((HUGS)))

First night with TDH is in the books. He said he couldnít wait to see me and wanted to get out of the city before his ex and kids found a reason to keep him there (lots of challenges with his son apparently) so he came over a day early. I had a pedicure appointment just before dinner so he hung out at my house for an hour. When I got home, he was out on the deck chatting with my XMIL and SD20. I could tell from the look on my XMILís face that she likes him a lot. Today I am working from home and heís got plans to mow my lawn and talk recipes with XMIL...lol. My kids are heading to their dadís today. D12 spent most of her evening showing TDH her art, playing him games of Battleship and dancing in the living room...lol. I hadnít planned to introduce them but both kids had talked to him on the phone and they insisted they wanted to stay and meet him so I said okay. You can tell he has lots of kids in his life. He could not be more comfortable with them.

TDH fully appreciates my situation with XMIL and thinks I am really lucky to have such great support. He loved my whole family (my twin was here for a bit too) and I think the feeling was mutual. He is just so comfortable in his own skin and it totally shows. I told XMIL I was working from home today because I didnít want anyone to feel awkward about a strange (new...not weird....lol) guy kicking around the house. She just waved her hand at me and told me it was completely fine. Oh well...sticking around anyway...lol. She was NEVER this relaxed with Jack. Never came upstairs or had any kind of a conversation with him. Last night she was chatting with TDH like sheíd known him for years. So...good start. Hockey game tonight. TDH is making me fish tacos...finally. laugh


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2903061
09/03/20 02:46 PM
09/03/20 02:46 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,374
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Ginger1 Offline
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Posts: 5,374
How do you do it?!?

Second time meeting a guy and heís mowing your lawn, playing with your kids, cooking you dinner like heís a part of the family? It went much the same way with jack .

Iím in awe. Seriously. I can barely get a guy to commit to a dinner. Or even as much after a year of dating.

And how do you get so trusting so fast? Is it the security of knowing your MIL is there? How do you trust around your kids so quickly?

Props to you. I couldnít do it. And there was maybe one guy who walked in and spent a lot of time with me right off the bat. But he was 9 years younger and free as a bird.

Well, enjoy the weekend! Seems like he fits right in like a puzzle piece!

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