A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL OFFER TO INTRODUCE YOU TO DB COACHING
Save $75. Offer for new clients and available October 26 - 30 only
SINGLE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE SESSION FOR ONLY $100

CALL 303-444-7004

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
What the AF??!!?? #2902747
08/27/20 01:32 AM
08/27/20 01:32 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
G
Ginger1 Online OP
Member
Ginger1  Online OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
Previous Thread:

not where I thought I would be

Is all I can say these days. Nothing surprises me anymore.

I couldnít sleep last night I was so uncomfortable. I called out of work today. Then I looked in the mirror and the whole left wife of my face was covered in a swollen rash and my tongue was numb. I was more swollen in my abdomen. My arms are covered. I look hideous.

So I ran some errands woth D12 for her party and brought myself over to my place of work. In the ER. The PA I almost smacked. He told me there is nothing he could really do and went on how he didnít want to load me with steroid and said I am having just an absolutely awful reaction and Iíll probably be miserable for 2 more weeks. I literally began to cry. After every treatment known to man. Itís getting worse not better. He did end up giving me IV steroid and another oral steroid prescription. My nurses were wonderful kind and compassionate . Everyone looks at my arms and face and are like omg, thatís awful. But then they see my stomach and pretty much whole right side ( and itís even in my bellybutton) and they canít believe what they see.

Simple things always happen to me to the extreme. Since I was a kid. Itís seriously unbelievable sometimes. I just cry most of the day. I feel Ike Iím being tortured

I decided to hire some local high school boys to mow my lawn and get rid of these weeks, because I canít do it physically right now. Well, they didnít do the weeds ( where the poison ivy was ) so I went out and did it all myself tonight. My ex came over to drop off something for the party and saw me doing it and was like ďare you nuts?!?Ē We actually seemed to have some real compassion for me ( I did show him my stiomach) and heís never been one for compassion. He did laugh, because he is aware of my awful luck too.

So, I think Iím getting there for this party. It means so much to her. Iíve spent a lot of money so far to make this happen, and lottery put sweat and tears into it. I hope she and her friends have a great time. I wonít be sleeping Friday night. Iíll have kids attempting to sleep in a tent in the yard. Not sure how thatís going to go! N the only bathroom in my house is across from my bedroom. Iíll sleep when they leave on Saturday. Itís her dads birthday Saturday so he will come get her for the rest of the weekend. I got him a little more costly gift off of his amazon list since heís been helping me. From D12 of course

In the realm of good news...... beginning in November it was approved to work from home for 2 hours in the morning 4 weekend days a month to make
Up for my extra in person day. So 2 in person days a month instead of 3 with these extra hours. I can handle that. So I will keep my second job for a while. My social life is lacking anyways

My dad also came into some money in the stock market and wants to redo my kitchen. I need new counters and floors. The job will be between 4-5k but they want to pay. You know I am
On taking monetary gifts from my father, but he really wants to do it. And all the work Iíve been putting into my home will make it much more marketable come 5 years when Iím getting out of dodge. Iíll continue to lay down my credit cards with my extra job and I will take this gift.

Tomorrow if I donít look like leper, Iíll try to go to work. Everyone says to take another day off but I know we are short handed as it is. Maybe I should just take care of ya elf for a change. Iím feeling an ounce of relief at the moment ( as in I donít want to burn off all my skin) so letís hope this continues.

Lord, Iím tired. Iím so so tired. Emotionally. Otherwise Iím jacked up from the steroids, so I probably wonít sleep tonight.

I just really feel Ike I am immune to nothing. All those things where one canít imagine it happening to them. I can imagine it and full expect it, lol.

But with that, relief must come and a run on positive stuff

Last edited by job; 08/27/20 01:51 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902750
08/27/20 02:11 AM
08/27/20 02:11 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
K
kml Offline
Member
kml  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
Take the day off! You need rest to recover.

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902753
08/27/20 04:32 AM
08/27/20 04:32 AM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,474
Missouruh
O
ovrrnbw Offline
Member
ovrrnbw  Offline
Member
O
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,474
Missouruh
Hey Ginger,

I'm just getting over a case of poison ivy too. I must be super sensitive bc I always break out really bad and it always finds the sensitive areas.

I am almost out of the good topical medicine from a couple years back. But I've had it on my face before where they were giving me steroid pills too. Gotta love mother nature!

Best of luck in feeling better


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902759
08/27/20 12:40 PM
08/27/20 12:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
G
Ginger1 Online OP
Member
Ginger1  Online OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
I decided to take the day off. Iím so sick of feeling guilt about how others will be affected if I take care of myself.

I have a very slight improvement today. Still itchy but it doesnít look as horrendous. I was looking like something it of a horror film.

Oh ovrrbrow, I am so sorry you had to experience this as well. I keep saying I would wish this on my worst enemy, but I actually would because it would teach them a lesson for sure .

Iíll go back to work tomorrow. I just needed that one more day off. Iíve got a lot to do for this party anyways.

Sunday I may take myself to the beach and enjoy a nice saltwater dip. I donít want to wear a bathing suit thought, I know a one piece wonít be good for it, but a two piece and I might scare the sh!t out of people. Hey, at least they will stay socially distanced and wonít want to catch my cooties!

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902768
08/27/20 01:52 PM
08/27/20 01:52 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,674
D
DejaVu6 Offline
Member
DejaVu6  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,674
(((Ginger))). Poor you!!! That sounds sooooo awful. I really feel for you. And you are still outside doing yard work so your D can have her sleepover in the back yard. What a great mom you are!!! And re: your dad wanting to redo your kitchen. He wants to do something nice for his daughter who he sees working so hard and struggling a bit right now. Let him!! It will do both of you some good. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902795
08/27/20 07:00 PM
08/27/20 07:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
yes to the saltwater. don't wait.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902845
08/29/20 06:47 AM
08/29/20 06:47 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
G
Ginger1 Online OP
Member
Ginger1  Online OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
The time is 2:20 am. My 3rd night with no sleep. Aside from having awful side effects of the steroids. Iím retaining water like a cow and I have insomnia.

I also have 6 girls in a tent in my yard who are still awake. So there will be no sleeping . What a ride it has been. I decided to poor pretty much an hour into the party. So the girls were good and just went in the tent and when the pizza got here I just brought it all in the tent and they ate it in there. D set up everything else outside woth one of her friends before I got home and she did a great job. We covered everything up and it was fine. They had to bring tie die into the house and 7 of them tie died shirts in my kitchen, woth minimal mess that god. There were a few ďmom, you gotta help meĒ moments. It was all very exhausting but worth it. She seems happy. Her friends are having fun. No fights. Huge mess and lots of clean up for me tomorrow. But then sleep! Itís her dads birthday tomorrow and she will be going woth him. I kind of did expect him to come by after work and make sure everything was going smoothly and give a hand, but he didnít. And thatís ok. I pulled this off on my own . Itís an emotionally lonely experience . But empowering at the same time I guess. I made this happen for my D. I am a mom who could pull some pretty decent things off.

I am so depressed lately though. I feel so physically beaten down. My body is a mess. Itís feels a mess, it most certainly looks a mess. This poison ivy isnít getting better, the only thing the steroids are doing is preventing it from getting worse. And cleared up my face, thankfully. My arms are downright scary looking. We were joking at work today because I look like an IV drug abuSer. The swelling and water retention is insane. I have sausage feel right now and my abdomen is swollen. I literally cry every day, multiple times day.

I did make it to work today. And the most interesting thing happened I went to see a patient and we started talking and we live in the same town, and the. I realized who he was. He was my old neighbor. He saved me one day. The road we lived on could only allow one car down at a time. A recycling truck was coming done and wouldnít pull into a side driveway to let me pass and I had no where to pull over. I ended up suspended on a rock in someoneís property. He saw what happened and came outside and used his rather heavy body weight to get my tires on the ground by sitting the the back of mySUV a and I was able to get out. He remembered that too! He saved my butt that day. I was fortunate to truly get to thank him again.

Anyways, itís now 2:45 am and I may never actually get sleep. Iíll sleep when Iím dead, I guess.

Iím glad my daughter is happy. Iím glad we were able to deal with the the hiccups.

But I just pray my body starts to heal, because I just canít tKe this anymore

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902853
08/29/20 02:51 PM
08/29/20 02:51 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,674
D
DejaVu6 Offline
Member
DejaVu6  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,674
Awww Ginger. I am so sorry you are going through this. Iíve never had poison ivy but geez...I didnít know it could be so bad. It sounds horrific. You are an AMAZING mom. To do all of the things you did for her while you are suffering with this rash is going above and beyond. There are many, many moms out there who would have postponed the party until they felt better (not gonna lie...Iím probably one of them) but you forged ahead. You have an inner strength that Iím not sure you are even aware of. Try to be kind to yourself today and get some rest. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902897
08/31/20 11:51 PM
08/31/20 11:51 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
G
Ginger1 Online OP
Member
Ginger1  Online OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
VU, thank you so much for your kind words. I try to be the best mom I can, I just want my D to be happy. She is not all so appreciative these days, on the level of a 13 year old girl. What am I going to do? But she was happy, her friends were happy, and we survived through zero sleep and 2 bouts of rain.

I did nothing the next day. I was in the worst shape with this awful poison ivy. I was just in tears. My ex acually brought me a little "medicine" which he though might help and was actually something I really really wanted. and it did help some. I have been aboslutely beside myself with no improvement. I went to the beach yesterday. Took me an hour ot find a spot but i eventually did, and the ocean felt AMAZING. it was cool and salty and gave me relief while I was in there. This has truly torture and no one has seen a reaction as bad as mine, persisting as long as mine. I went to work today. I am super uncomfortable though. I just try to make it through my every day.

I'm going to be honest. I really am hating life lately, I just focus on getting through the end of the day without a nervous breakdown. Im beginning to doubt my inner strength. Im seriously losing it.

Something perhaps worth mentioning. Thursday I picked D up from her house, her dads wife wsa there and I was trying not to go in the house. But we were going to a store and i had to pee. OMG, she spoke to me for an hour. About her work, I mean everything! Like i was her bestie. But then I think she either was confiding in me or trying to stir the sh!t pot. Told me about my ex SIL, which clearly she isn't a fan of either. Tells me she is mean to my daughter because she is a picky eater and does teenagery stuff. Also told me that my ex SIL wants us to change our christmas custody schedule because it inconveniences HER. I am not surprised by this. I am shocked she told me though. She went on to tell me how now my ex begins to stand up a little more for himself and sees what she does. (this was some contention in our marriage).

But why? Why talk to me about it? When we did get in the car, D 12 told me she tries to talk to everyone, no one ever listens to her, no one cares, and I was the only one who listens. WTF? It's all so weird. I have to watch her intentions and her motivations though I am not going to be completely naive. I laugh, because i think she really likes me as a person, and i think my ex even likes me as a person. I am not the awful person they convinced themselves I was ot make what they did right.

But in the end, I am still alone. My life has still be very greatly affected by what happened and what they did 13 years down the line. Divorce will affect things forever, that's for sure.

I am making it though each day minute by minute. That's all I can do right now. I seriously cry every night and pray for a break. Because even I have a breaking point.

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2902899
09/01/20 03:47 AM
09/01/20 03:47 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,674
D
DejaVu6 Offline
Member
DejaVu6  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,674
Awww Ginger. When this stupid rash clears up youíll feel a bit better. I know how much you would like to find someone to share your life with. You are not alone...you are lonely. I could tell you all kinds of things that I know you tell yourself on the daily... focus on what you have not on what you donít have, youíll find someone when you are meant to, this, too, shall pass, etc... IMO...those things are all true and could be helpful if loneliness was all you were dealing with. But there is a lot on your plate right now and I can see that it just feels like too much. Iím sorry. I wish I could reach through this computer screen and make it all better as do many of us on here, Iím sure. All I can do is tell you what we tell people on here who are in the early days after BD... breathe, be kind to yourself, just get through the next hour, and then the hour after that. Stay focused on the present...donít think about the past and donít worry about the future. You canít go back and you canít know what is ahead of you.

BTW...my SD20ís mom is 60 and she has been without a partner for as long as you. She met a guy three years ago when she went back to her hometown who was going through a tough time in his marriage. They had mutual friends and I guess just hung out in a group as friends. He contacted her recently to say he was now divorced and had taken a year to ďhealĒ and that he couldnít stop thinking about her so had to reach out. She was just in Ontario visiting him and sounds like she is planning to move there to be with him. I have had a number of phone calls with her in the past (she wants to be my friend too) where she lamented and cried about how hard it was dating and there were NO great guys out there. Then one falls into her lap (SD20 says he is really nice and 12 years younger than her mom)...basically when she had pretty much given up. So it happens. Have faith. Trust that things will work out the way they are meant to and work on living your best life.

Praying you get better soon. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Page 1 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004