Thanks Steve85 for your reply. Sounds like your situation was as bad as mine.
Yes, I did a lot of talking - for all the good it did.
I don't know how else to burst her bubble. I'm buying her out shortly and she will move into an apt and then in with him next spring. Initially she was going to move right into his house but she said with renting an apartment it will be easier for the girls to transition.
And get this - OM has three kids two of which are twins about the age of my kids.
My kids will end up sharing a room with each other and they don't exactly get along. WW attention will be split five ways for all the children.
I don't want to sell the house - I just finished decorating the kid's bedrooms and their friends like to hang out here.
Can you think of any other bubble bursting ways?
Also, OM doesn't live in the school district so WW will have to do a lot of driving. I told her she can't pull them out the schools they go to.
I quote: "the key was that I was doing things to show her I was not going to cater to her wants and wishes" - I told her I did not want to be friends but that we could coparent.
I suggested that when the exchange happens with our kids every other week that I would send her forms and stuff from the school in an envelope that she could send back when it's my turn to have the kids.
She told me she would never do this because it's too business like and I'm thinking what exactly do you want? I don't want a friendship with you.
She basically doesn't want anything to change and I just have to accept her new lifestyle and not make a fuss and act like her moving on is no big deal.
Drh, the problem is not that you should try to burst her bubble. Notice what I said: "the key was that I was doing things to show her I was not going to cater to her wants and wishes, that I was ok with moving on without her, and that I was going to do what I thought was best and wanted. Regardless of how she felt about it!! "
I didn't do things to burst her bubble, but my actions to move on myself had that effect.
For instance, you say she wants mediation and an uncontested divorce. But what do you want? Maybe you feel that participating in mediation is being a conspirator in the dissolution of the marriage, and you can't abide that. Then refuse to participate in mediation. Make her hire a lawyer, file for D, and go to court to settle things. Or maybe you go hire a lawyer and file yourself.
My wife was convinced that we could do an online cheap quickie D. My talking to a lawyer shattered that delusion. Lying cheaters shouldn't get to dictate the terms of things. So decide how YOU want to proceed and then do so, regardless of how she feels about it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I have merged your two threads together. Please stick to one thread until you have reached 100 postings/replies. You can change your subject line at any time within a thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The first thing you need to do is not give a $hit about what she does or says. You seem overly concerned about "bursting her bubble", That shouldn't be your goal. Your goal is to focus on you and your kids. Live the best life possible for you and your kids. She shouldn't even be a thought. That's how you burst the bubble. It won't happen until you're completely detached and don't care whether her bubble bursts or not. Seeing you being happy and successful without her is going to drive her nuts...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
The first thing you need to do is not give a $hit about what she does or says. You seem overly concerned about "bursting her bubble", That shouldn't be your goal. Your goal is to focus on you and your kids. Live the best life possible for you and your kids. She shouldn't even be a thought. That's how you burst the bubble. It won't happen until you're completely detached and don't care whether her bubble bursts or not. Seeing you being happy and successful without her is going to drive her nuts...
Mtb!!! Please stick around, so many of the new guys could use your guidance.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So here's an update and I need advice on what to do...
Two weeks ago WW lost her job due to Corona virus. She was unemployed for a week and then got her old job back but at a lower salary than what she had with her previous job.
She can't afford to move into an apartment so told me she is gradually going to transition to OM's house. I told her I don't want my kids moving in with OM straight away (they haven't even met him yet).
She has completely stopped cooking and leaves me to do it. When I asked her why she no longer cooks for her kids she said she's checked out mentally and if she starts cooking again it will feel like she's not moving on. What sort of reasoning is this?
So I have stopped arguing with her and trying to persuade her to think about her course of action. I did tell her she is a terrible role model for my kids who both know she is seeing OM and staying at his place twice a week. She is trying to normalize her behavior with them and justify her actions.
It has been quiet the last two weeks and we co-parent well. I think losing her good paying job knocked her confidence a bit and took some of the arrogance and cockiness out of her attitude
The first thing you need to do is not give a $hit about what she does or says. You seem overly concerned about "bursting her bubble", That shouldn't be your goal. Your goal is to focus on you and your kids. Live the best life possible for you and your kids. She shouldn't even be a thought. That's how you burst the bubble. It won't happen until you're completely detached and don't care whether her bubble bursts or not. Seeing you being happy and successful without her is going to drive her nuts...
mtb1981,
I have been trying to do this. It's very difficult dealing with a full blown wayward. I was trying to burst the bubble to "wake her up" but it seems she has a heart of stone. She told me she doesn't care what people think of her and she surrounds herself with friends and family who agree with and support her choices.
So here's an update and I need advice on what to do...
Two weeks ago WW lost her job due to Corona virus. She was unemployed for a week and then got her old job back but at a lower salary than what she had with her previous job.
She can't afford to move into an apartment so told me she is gradually going to transition to OM's house. I told her I don't want my kids moving in with OM straight away (they haven't even met him yet).
She has completely stopped cooking and leaves me to do it. When I asked her why she no longer cooks for her kids she said she's checked out mentally and if she starts cooking again it will feel like she's not moving on. What sort of reasoning is this?
So I have stopped arguing with her and trying to persuade her to think about her course of action. I did tell her she is a terrible role model for my kids who both know she is seeing OM and staying at his place twice a week. She is trying to normalize her behavior with them and justify her actions.
It has been quiet the last two weeks and we co-parent well. I think losing her good paying job knocked her confidence a bit and took some of the arrogance and cockiness out of her attitude
I will be buying her out of the house shortly.
Not sure what you need advice on? I am not seeing that you can do anything about her, and that you should continue to focus on yourself and your kids.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The first thing you need to do is not give a $hit about what she does or says. You seem overly concerned about "bursting her bubble", That shouldn't be your goal. Your goal is to focus on you and your kids. Live the best life possible for you and your kids. She shouldn't even be a thought. That's how you burst the bubble. It won't happen until you're completely detached and don't care whether her bubble bursts or not. Seeing you being happy and successful without her is going to drive her nuts...
mtb1981,
I have been trying to do this. It's very difficult dealing with a full blown wayward. I was trying to burst the bubble to "wake her up" but it seems she has a heart of stone. She told me she doesn't care what people think of her and she surrounds herself with friends and family who agree with and support her choices.
You are talking to someone (mtb) that did exactly what he is telling you to do. And he did with one of the worst WWs this forum has ever seen. You'd do yourself well to go find his threads and read them.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
