The kids and I had a great week together, especially over the weekend - going to new playgrounds, swimming in the pool, shopping for sports equipment, and having friends from the neighborhood over for pizza.
Yesterday evening I had to take the kids to "mommy's new house" for the second time. D1 had wanted "tubby time" in the evening and was laughing and playing in the bath, which was great, but I had to be cognizant of the time to get her out, dried off, dressed, and in the car for the transition and thought to myself this would be easier if were were all a family and she could stay in her home. Apparently S5 told my mom / his grandma he doesn't understand why we have to do this back and forth and that it's "too complicated", but hopefully he'll adjust over time. The drop off itself was easier on me than the first one (two weeks ago). W & I spoke briefly about logistics for S5's activities, but kept it brief. I focused on giving the kids a happy transition, chasing them around the yard and hugging/spinning/twirling them goodbye. I still felt sad and lonely afterwards, but no breakdown or even tears in the car on the drive home this time.
This week in terms of GAL'ing...tomorrow evening a dozen buddies are getting together for a lobster and steak night, and on Wednesday I'll have the kids for dinner. I'd also like to do some additional work around the house but haven't prepped/planned for that as much as I'd hoped, and I need to find some fun plans for the weekend.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
For 6 months there was so much turmoil (BD, begging/convincing/trying to "nice her back", finding out about and then following along w/the affair while living under the same roof, adjusting work schedule for MC/IC/Doctors appts...etc.). It got a bit easier when she started staying at her mom's house in June/July, and now this month she's completely moved out into our other house and that has actually brought me a big sense of relief and peace on the one hand and also a lot more free time.
So...now what? Of course when I have my kids it's 100% about them and I plan to continue my GAL'ing (exercise, house improvements, friends), but how do I move on with life?
Unlike so many situations on this board I'm not getting ANY ambivalence, signs of wavering, or even minor temp checks from W. I've moved communications about the kids to email, don't text/email/call about anything else, and keep kid drop-offs brief.
There are a few women I've encountered that would have potential but I've held back on any moves because I'm still married. That seems to be a controversial topic on the board. Some people say "go for it, enjoy life and if it makes W afraid to lose you so be it" and others take the "Don't do it. You're not in the right mindset and it will complicate any R potential". It feels odd to even contemplate but then W was (probably is still) having another relationship.
Maybe all this is really a "Do I stand for my marriage" question. Several months ago I was firmly in the "Stand" camp, but half a year in I'm not sure at all. There's no way I could wait it out 4-5 years like others on here.
Any thoughts or advice?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
There are a few women I've encountered that would have potential but I've held back on any moves because I'm still married.
Who are these women? What is their status? Do they know you are married and are desperately trying to get your W back?
Originally Posted by BL42
Maybe all this is really a "Do I stand for my marriage" question. Several months ago I was firmly in the "Stand" camp, but half a year in I'm not sure at all. There's no way I could wait it out 4-5 years like others on here.
How long can you wait?
Sounds to me like you got some work to do my friend.
There are a few women I've encountered that would have potential but I've held back on any moves because I'm still married.
Who are these women? What is their status? Do they know you are married and are desperately trying to get your W back?
One I recently met hanging out with mutual friends. She's a couple years older, attractive, no kids, and going through a divorce herself. She knows about my situation. The other I've known for quite some time, is a few years younger with two kids and also very attractive, and may suspect something is up with my marriage. I've chatted/texted with both in a friendly manner, nothing romantic or serious - I've held back because of my sitch - just starting to wonder six months in if I should pursue dating. I wouldn't say "desperately trying to get my W back" is accurate anymore. Certainly a few months ago, but not now (unless you think I'm not being honest with myself).
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by BL42
Maybe all this is really a "Do I stand for my marriage" question. Several months ago I was firmly in the "Stand" camp, but half a year in I'm not sure at all. There's no way I could wait it out 4-5 years like others on here.
How long can you wait? Sounds to me like you got some work to do my friend.
I don't know. That's the question, isn't it? It's already been 6 months; I know I can't wait several years.
Agreed I have work to do, but do you have anything specific in mind?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
(unless you think I'm not being honest with myself).
I don't think you are being honest with yourself. You are on this site and you dug out an old thread from a guy who almost reconned but didn't. That leads me to believe you are looking for the magic bullet so to speak.
Originally Posted by BL42
Agreed I have work to do, but do you have anything specific in mind?
Are you owning and working on your downfall in the marriage? Are you in IC? Reading self books or are you spending all your time texting other women? We have quite a few people come through here and try a few tactics and then move on and date and marry other people only to be back years later. If you are not willing to stand for many months if not years you mine as well file for D now and move on.
You'll have to decide for yourself if dating, or just having women friends, while still technically married is against your moral code.
Whatever you decide you'll have to live with. I will only suggest that if you do decide to find new company that you don't go around flaunting it. You probably aren't ready for a true R anyways.
You're currently not texting or calling your W, email comms for kids, and GAL. That doesn't sound like you're desperately trying to get her back like LH says. Normally he is pretty helpful tho so resist the temptation to ignore everything he says from here out haha.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
That doesn't sound like you're desperately trying to get her back like LH says. Normally he is pretty helpful tho so resist the temptation to ignore everything he says from here out haha.
Yo OB I am sticking with my assessment. I think the ladies are to make her jealous. Again I don't think you dig out 8 year old threads if you are not desperately seeking the silver bullet. Think Curtis.
