Hmmm... I've managed to he radio silent for 5 days now. Its dumb to contact him to tell him to leave me alone... lol. I will sit with that thought today and see how it plays out.
It's not like he is chasing me down in text messages... frankly his contact is less and less.
I won't lie about where my thoughts have been. I found a workshop for marriages... not necessarily recon but for finding ways in moving forward with M or D. I don't feel I've asked for anything during this time. It would be a big ask. Of course timing is important.
^^^Don't judge me. I've never said a word about this to him. But I vacillate about it.
Well, I've had breakfast. Going to drive to the next town for an easy hike with the dog today. Working on a new knitted sweater and the pattern is super challenging. Will continue a deep clean of S19 room while he is away at college.
So what’s the purpose of a couples divorce workshop?
A coparenting workshop maybe if you share minor kids. But you both are separately able to support yourselves, have no shared kids or minor kids and you guys aren’t fighting and vicious.
So what’s your goal with this? Smells to me like another tactic or another angle to control the situation then you can “make” or “show” his what he’s missing. But I’m afraid he’s just going to keep seeing a person who’s doing anything to hold on tight and get what she wants. And that certainly isn’t attractive
Personally, I think you would be much better served with a workshop that focuses on healing after divorce.
Well, yes... that is part of workshop... healing and moving forward.
I did say I vacillate about it. I'm looking at it from all angles... what is my goal, what do I want to accomplish, etc.
Certainly have no idea where he is at... there has been little communication over the last 2 months.
Its just one of the things of many that float in my head.
To me it looks like he is in a good place right now but SS20 had a slightly different view... like the only positive he came up with was a short commute to work. So I won't mind read but I 100% accept he is done and he has shown zero movement toward me.
Well, he is a relationship with another woman....... so I guess that’s where he is at.
I would look at what you want to accomplish that doesn’t involve bringing anyone else in, like your H. By all means, have some personal goals, but they have to be personal. You can’t bring someone else into achieving them
I won't lie about where my thoughts have been. I found a workshop for marriages... not necessarily recon but for finding ways in moving forward with M or D. I don't feel I've asked for anything during this time. It would be a big ask. Of course timing is important.
This is what I am talking about when I say your hamster wheel.
If you need to pour your heart out and explain your eternal and unconditional love for him and ask him to take a workshop with you in order to feel you left no stone unturned and to get closure, then you should do it.
Before you do it, I would just ask you to consider what will happen if you do it and he laughs about it? Then tells OW and they laugh about it together.
What are you going to do then?
Is there any chance that you will then feel you didn't express yourself clearly enough, and need to ask to go on Dr. Phil?
I guess what I'm asking is "where is the finish line?" At what point do you feel you will trust that he fully understands how you feel and still chooses not to reconcile?
I hate to ask you that question, but I also don't want to see you forever stuck.
There is nothing you can do right now to end the affair or get your H back.
How does that feel? Crappy right? Used to fixing things? Used to finding a way? Familiar with the feeling that if you work hard enough, anything is possible? None of that applies now, there is nothing you can do. You need to surrender to that, grieve it and find peace with it. Fighting against it sets you up as their adversary, pushes them together and you away. If you continue to actively try to disrupt the affair and get your H back, you will only dig your hole deeper and deeper, and that will be a debt that will take you a long time to recover from.
Originally Posted by KitCat
To me it looks like he is in a good place right now but SS20 had a slightly different view... like the only positive he came up with was a short commute to work.
This is very typical for people who care about you to say to make you feel better.
^^^Don't judge me. I've never said a word about this to him. But I vacillate about it.
KC, do you really take the feedback, advice and observations that we give you as being judged? Because that's not how it is intended. Most LBSs come here because the traditional advice doesn't work. What we focus on here is saving the LBS, helping them focus on themselves, and helping them move on to a new life, with it without their WAS! I'd give anything if you, I, or any other poster could wave a magic wand and make your H wake up, do the right thing, come back and want to work on MR 2.0 with you. In absence of that, and since he isn't here, you are, we focus on you and what you should be doing or not doing. LH and Ginger gave you some rock solid advice in these last few posts. I see no judgement, I see two concerned strangers volunteering their time to try to get you to wake up and see that you have it in your power, today not tomorrow, to start living your best life!
Believe it or not, but one day you will wake up and realize that you've wasted these last few months on someone that was not even worthy to lick they soles of your shoes. You cannot see it now, but one day you will. And with that will come the realization that KC is worth so much more than he has been giving!
KC keep working. You can do this!!
Last edited by Steve85; 08/17/2001:09 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
No, I'm not implying that I'm being judged... just asked not to.
And for the record I've posted my thoughts and internal battles here and have not been acting on them. Sometimes when you give a voice to those thoughts it easier to reign them in.
I will not guess at what is or is not going on with H.
I will accept that he has shown no movement toward me at all. I will not respond to his texts and I will not initiate them.
No, I'm not implying that I'm being judged... just asked not to.
And for the record I've posted my thoughts and internal battles here and have not been acting on them. Sometimes when you give a voice to those thoughts it easier to reign them in.
I will not guess at what is or is not going on with H.
I will accept that he has shown no movement toward me at all. I will not respond to his texts and I will not initiate them.
KC, excellent point on sharing thought and internal battles. I would much rather you do that than to fire off the text you did to him prior to moving your S to college.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Last edited by job; 08/17/2006:14 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
