So you’ve been sitting on the fence for a long time and I think you need to decide what side you’re on. If you’re at the point where you’re gonna be friendly with him, ask for favors and ask him how his day was then you should respond to his text. If you don’t it makes you look like your pouting because he didn’t help.
Now if you choose the other side of the fence that he is in an open affair while still married to you and that you will not allow someone in your life that treats you that way. Then don’t respond.
Neither gets him back but one will earn his respect.
You absolutely positively can’t nice him back.
Relationships are about value and how you let people treat you. People will never do or say to you won’t you don’t allow them to. Do you know your value?
So I won't lie I do our friendship, closeness, team mentality but I'm not settling for just that. I'm worth WAY more.
I had accepted 5 days ago that even though he may have meant it when he said it he never intended any follow through. So frankly what a jerk leaving me till late the night before asking if I needed help... I mean either I've figure it out or not but it was hard enough risking rejection the first time. I'm certainly not doing it a second.
I don't have any desire to tell him anything... as pointed out he could contact S19 if he really wanted to know if we got it aettled.
The only part that nags at.me is that I would answer anyone's texts out of politeness.
Truth LH? I want him to respect me. I want him to find the void in his life and realize its me.
But, I dont control him. I can only control myself.... and today this self woke up to a house devoid of other humans. I better make a list of what I can focus on these next few months. Right now the attic is nearly spotless.
So I won't lie I do our friendship, closeness, team mentality but I'm not settling for just that. I'm worth WAY more.
WTF??? Ok so let's break this down individually because I'm afraid you are desperately delusional. Friendship - is about loyalty and being able to count on the other person no matter what. Strike one. Closeness - the person you are closest to should support you in good times and bad. Strike two. Team mentality- when your a team you tackle everything as team and NEVER quit on your teammate. Strike three
I will give you one of my favorite quotes " you can ignore reality but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality". Really think about and understand this quote.
If you want him to respect you then you need to let him know that you are letting him go to live his life and you are going to live yours and then completely cut ties with him. He doesn't respect you right now because you don't respect yourself.
Your still being driven by fear of not being enough. You're deathly afraid he will not feel the void of you.
I hope you really search for clarity on your trip.
You aren’t respecting yourself, why should he respect you?
Why do need him to see you are a void in his life so bad?
And how can you actually be the void in his life when you are anything but a void? You are there trying to nice attention from him. I screams of manipulation and insecurity. It also screams of ulterior motive . “ I want you to want me and respect me and I’m going to try every angle possible to get that, because I need it for my ego!” Do you think that is anyway going to garner respect?
And what does his “respect” look like to you? Doing what you want because you feel he owes it to you? Leaving other woman and coming back to you? Because that’s not happening.
He owes you nothing. You feel like he owes you still. You have insane expectations of a man who walked out and decided to start a new life.
You would answer anyone’s texts out of politeness? Ummmmmm, you haven’t been answering all texts. Don’t use the politeness BS . He’s not feeling “polite”
You have got to let go. You are going to keep spinning around in the same circles with your different tactics and come out completely disappointed every time.
Let. Go. I’m sorry, but you aren’t going to get what you want from him. You have to give it to yourself
Well I did state - I didn't even see the text until 18hr after it was sent.... I also stated I didn't really feel like replying... and that the text seems mustered out of guilt at the last minute rather than genuine care.
Do I hope that my H will have an A-HA moment and want to turn this M around? Of course I do... why is it that i'm here??? If I didn't I would just said "chuck it" and never bothered to introspect or look at things which I am responsible for in the implosion.
Regardless I didn't reply.
I'm working on my list of to do things. I have the next 3 days off so I really need to find a focus. Youngest half brother just got stationed in Guam.... sadly they are back on lock down there. I'm coming up with a budget where I could plan to visit him if restrictions ever let up... cool thing is male bff just got back from living there one year so it looks like he would also come and be a personal tour guide!!! GO AWAY COVID!!!
I think your sailing trip will be good for you. It will give you some distance from H and will provide clarity. By being around male BFF, i think it will also show you that there are much better men out there in the world and that you deserve better than your H.
So you’ve been sitting on the fence for a long time and I think you need to decide what side you’re on. If you’re at the point where you’re gonna be friendly with him, ask for favors and ask him how his day was then you should respond to his text. If you don’t it makes you look like your pouting because he didn’t help.
Now if you choose the other side of the fence that he is in an open affair while still married to you and that you will not allow someone in your life that treats you that way. Then don’t respond.
Neither gets him back but one will earn his respect.
You absolutely positively can’t nice him back.
Relationships are about value and how you let people treat you. People will never do or say to you won’t you don’t allow them to. Do you know your value?
So I won't lie I do our friendship, closeness, team mentality but I'm not settling for just that. I'm worth WAY more.
I had accepted 5 days ago that even though he may have meant it when he said it he never intended any follow through. So frankly what a jerk leaving me till late the night before asking if I needed help... I mean either I've figure it out or not but it was hard enough risking rejection the first time. I'm certainly not doing it a second.
I don't have any desire to tell him anything... as pointed out he could contact S19 if he really wanted to know if we got it aettled.
The only part that nags at.me is that I would answer anyone's texts out of politeness.
Truth LH? I want him to respect me. I want him to find the void in his life and realize its me.
But, I dont control him. I can only control myself.... and today this self woke up to a house devoid of other humans. I better make a list of what I can focus on these next few months. Right now the attic is nearly spotless.
I'm pretty sure we had this same discussion 6 months ago. With you insisting you always answer everyone's texts, even if your moral enemy were to text.
Excuses.......
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Again I think you have the guilt because you still think you can nice him back and that not replying doesn’t play into the scenario. You get all excited when he offers these little gestures fixing fence, motorcycle ride, moving son and then back out on them. He has a entire new life that you even admit makes him happy. Now if you want to be apart of it and get disappointed time after time being the ex wife then I say go for it.
Or do you want to build another life and be happy like he did but do it right. Get through the D and grieve the marriage. Then start to build a life brick by brick. It’s ok to let him go KK. He’s chosen his path and now it’s time for you to choose yours.
Again I think you have the guilt because you still think you can nice him back and that not replying doesn’t play into the scenario. You get all excited when he offers these little gestures fixing fence, motorcycle ride, moving son and then back out on them. He has a entire new life that you even admit makes him happy. Now if you want to be apart of it and get disappointed time after time being the ex wife then I say go for it.
Or do you want to build another life and be happy like he did but do it right. Get through the D and grieve the marriage. Then start to build a life brick by brick. It’s ok to let him go KK. He’s chosen his path and now it’s time for you to choose yours.
Right now I just want to be left alone.
I'm legal S. I supposed to be taking this time to figure out what I want. I told myself I would give it 1yr. Why am Im being pushed for D right now? It's not my D.
So you are saying the only way I can let him go is to just jump to D?
No I’m not saying that at all. It may help you with closure but no you can absolutely move forward while separated. But you have to accept that your marriage is over and most likely you are never getting back together. It’s hard as fuch I’ve been there. I was with my ex half of my live. Like you I have regrets for not putting my best foot forward in the marriage. But I’ve accepted I’m human and made mistakes.
If you want to be left alone then be clear you want to be left alone. Send him a message telling him that you need to grieve and heal. That way you won’t feel guilty not responding.
I’m just afraid your going to be stuck for a really long time because of the hamster wheel spinning out of control in your head that focuses 24 hours a day on how to get him back.
