I think that H would love this. He loves head-only action. I think I just need to adjust my mental perception of this position and regard it only as foreplay and know in advance that it won't happen for him. Otherwise I am frustrated at having to hold back my own orgasm because he is NOWHERE near ready. Not that it is a requirement that we do it together, but it does lessen the experience when one person is going nutz and the other is barely enjoying themselves.
However, HE would say that he would love it if I would just let loose regardless of his enjoyment level (and I have done this) but it leaves ME feeling less than satisfied.
Aw who cares, I'm going to try your method and I'll report back to you.
All right what are you trying to do to us starved husbands over here you two . Im sitting here reading this at work and I don't think I can leave my desk for a bit.
I will tell you I absolutely love it woman on top. It just hits the right spots.
Quote: Otherwise I am frustrated at having to hold back my own orgasm because he is NOWHERE near ready
What I usually do in situations like that (where I orgasm first alone) is go ahead and come and then make him wait a couple minutes until I'm "recharged" and ready to go at it again in a way more likely to be simultaneous. I guess I am a greedy(starving) girl who always wants "two for the price of one". :
I've also found that if he's not quite "there" and I am, verbalizing the situation before I come frequently brings him up to speed.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Well Mojo, If I come before him, he is done. That's the end of the evening. Well, I should say that if he is close, he will continue but if he has just started he will not continue. It ruins the mood for him. Ho hum.
On the bright side!! I did pretty darn good at WOT last night, as promised. By the time we tried that position I was too revved up to give your technique a try but I will try it in the future and let you know. I did, however, adjust my position so that I wasn't laying down but wasn't sitting up. This allowed him to move his hips into mine and get some of the faster action that he needs. It worked for both of us. Unfortunately, like a big ol' non-PM practicing fool, I think I was too focused on him and his enjoyment level to actually finish that way. So last night it was ME holding up the show, lol.
Normally I do not focus whatsoever on his orgasm because, my gosh, if I did that what an unenjoyable and analytical experience that would be! But last night, I was really paying attention to him trying to see if I had indeed been right in my assessment of him earlier in the day.
I think that me leaning back prevents him from really driving it home, so to speak. So I will stick with this and give it a try again soon. Plus, it was not bad in terms of preg sex. Gave my belly lots of room, whilst allowing my bodacious tatas to swing about and smack him in the face. A win-win. LOLOL
Oh, and I nearly got the Lou Paget book last night. We were at the library (I almost always check books out, as opposed to buying them) and I found the book and found the Ode to Bryan..quite excited I was. Then H starts freaking out in the library that I "CANNOT check out a book like that" etc. I said he could go to the car if he needed to but that I was checking that book out. He continued on, getting more and more worked up and eventually I said that I would come back a different day and get it so that he didn't have to have the library ladies "staring at him" (ha haa) but that I was getting the book.
Then we got home and he carried on and on about the book and its suggested positions and insisted that we try some that evening. So he is one tormented dude. He is a prude on the outside but he houses the soul of a perv.
So that's my lengthy reply to your short question.
Actually my main problem is that I have the tendency to want to lean back "in the saddle" like a rodeo cowboy which has caused my H to have to bounce me off with an "ouch-yowee" on a couple occasions. So I have to think too much about not doing that and it distracts me. I'm surprised he still is into it .
I can understand this, i have the same problem...when i'm on my back, 90 degrees straight up is about as far as i bend before it starts to hurt. This also makes WOT facing feet a position that i can't do which is so unfortunate because i so love that viewpoint
now40, Good to know! Perhaps this was H's problem when we did it like this. I assumed he was just freaked out, but that wuold be just like him...not wanting to say that it hurt like hell. He is a "straight up" type guy too so that would make sense.
Even if it didn't I am proceeding with this line of thought from here on out. It is much more productive than thinking that he is a hopeless prude.
I'm living vicariously through this thread. Here's my two cents. With the WOT, facing the feet (sometimes referred to as the "reverse cowgirl" position), if the woman starts to lean forward, making it painful for the man (as the penis begins to bend greater than 90 degrees downward), I have been known to take the opportunity to switch to doggy style (albeit not with my W, but with a prior partner, as W is not adventurous in this respect at all). Phew. Just a suggestion to all you people out there who are actually having sex.
Okay, on another subject, namely, me, I'd like to ask people about the following, especially you, Atlanta Dave. We've talked about the "vision of where we'll be in 5 years." I've always shied away from this because my W is a "be here now" kind of person. This week, however, she mentioned that in five years she'd like to have an office in a different location than she is now, and be able to pick and choose her clients better (especially picking those clients who would actually pay her!). So she has "opened the door" so to speak to looking at the future.
Since we will be driving a LONG way on our vacation, I'd like to bring up the subject of where I'd like to see US in five years. I would talk about financial stuff, parenting stuff, and, of course relationship stuff. As a part of that, sex stuff. I would say to her that I see us as having mostly resolved our differences on ML, and that we would be ML at a minimum of once a week. At the risk of pre-writing this script in my head, here's two versions of how it would go from that point on:
THE GOOD VERSION: W: That would be great! How 'bout we get started on that tonight!
Okay...probably more like this:
W: I don't know if once a week is do-able, but, like you, I hope we resolve these issues, and that we are able to ML at a frequency and quality that makes both of us happy.
Okay, so that's how I hope it goes down. Here is
THE BAD VERSION, brought to you by Schnarch, Inc.:
W: Dream on. Even if we did resolve our differences, which is not likely, I can't imagine ML more than a few times a year. That's enough for me, and it should be enough for you. Anyway, this pressure on me to perform up to your standards, just makes me all the more likely to not want to ML with you at all.
Hairdog: Well, that's a choice you will have to make. If that's the way you see things, however, then my vision of us five years from now is very fuzzy. But ten years from now, if you still feel that way, I think it's fair to say that you and I likely won't be married anymore.
Just thinking out loud.
Hairdog - who is anticipating this vacation with hope and dread.
The fact that she wants to "vision" is a great thing. It offers you an excellent opportunity to exhibit your differentiation, stand up for the things you believe in and practice self-soothing as you do so. Secondly, it offers you the opportunity to differentiate without the topic being sex. My W and I have no issues on the table right now to deal with so I'm a little envious of your position.
My W and I used to never confront each other. Now that we are doing it more often, we are realizing that we actually have a good communication pattern (Gottman) and can laugh and be nice. Sure, she might flood and shut down and walk out of the room sometimes but we always seem to end in a better, more loving and intimate place afterwards. I hate to use this metaphor but if you think of the bond that is formed between war buddies, you'll see how shared, emotional experiences can work in your favor.
In your sitch, this could be a great thing. I think I remember that your W made some concession in her career or location. I sometimes think that there's a relationship between "not following a dream" and LD but I'm not sure. Maybe violating your own integrity creates some self-loathing or something...but it's not our problem to solve, it's theirs if they want to have the marriage last.
If you guys were fairly physical in the beginning of the marriage, there is no reason not to let her know that those activities contributed greatly to the reasons you were married and happy in the beginning and that you desire a life like that. I just erased 3 paragraphs that explained how to do the PM thing and discussing the sex life but the more I started thinking about it, I realized that it might just be best to work through the visioning process and pay close attention to times in your conversation where you want to disagree with something she says. These "points" are going to become "jewels" for your differentiation practice. You don't have to win, but you will have an opportunity to be "heard".
I'm also not saying you should avoid talking about your desire to have a more passionate marriage. I think there's a place in there for it but you should also try to listen empathetically to whatever is motivating your W to want this change. I've played out lots of convos in my head but in the end it should just be straight forward in terms of what you want and giving them a clear 2-choice dilemma. I've always wanted to ask my W questions like "you really don't want to ML at all?" and get into a huge discussion etc. But all that talk is a waste of time and energy because it really doesn't do us any good to try to get into their head. It's not our job to accommodate their behaviors that negatively affect us (and the R) so don't even bring it up. WAIT, let me repeat this in another way... It's a violation of our own integrity to accommodate ANY behavior that negatively affects us. Therefore, their lack of desire needs to be handled "situationally" instead of generally. Tim is doing a good job of being considerate about his W's allergies but he's not backing down either. If her allergies persisted for 6 months, then I would expect that she's figured out a way to deal with it bed with Tim. I've got an oozing, blistered, poison-ivy arm and it really made me self-conscious about coming home and wanting to ML. But last night, I wore a black, long sleeve shirt...problem solved. Of course, I'm HD.
I'm rambling. Sorry hd.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
