I'm sorry you're struggling, man. I know this isn't easy on you.
Give yourself a pat on the back. You got through a major upheaval and you're still standing. I know there are more to come, but thats for later, not right now.
Don't think too far into the future. Stay present. There will be time for the rest later.
I'm looking at Covid as a time to pause, a time to reflect, a time to slow down and really think about what direction I want to go. If you look at the positive aspects of it, we all have nothing but time to think and plan and set goals.
I know it doesn't feel like it now, but the feeling will pass trust me
LB55 I think once told me this - "the reason you are so exhausted is from fighting every little thing." Something that really opened my eyes.
Part of it is that it was a fight that never needed to happen. That had to make it that much more difficult and understandably taxing mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm sorry that the win still means some time without the kids for the time being. That is lose/lose for everyone including the person who convinced herself that you're toxic.
I hope you can get some reprieve. Time to collect yourself and relish in some peace.
Your battle encourages me and perhaps others to keep pushing along. Take care U.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
Don't feel like you should be feeling one way or another-- you deserve to be exhausted. I hope you can get some rest and recharge and enjoy the time you get with your kids now without anxiety.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
I can't really explain it. I'm confused. I haven't been confused about my emotions in awhile.
Detaching from my XW and moving on was the easy part.
I've been so buttoned up for over a year. I tried... so... hard... to do this every other way. Six months of counseling, having accusations hurled at me, sitting there and trying to be understanding and build trust and ease into a peaceful co-parenting arrangement to save us from this. Mediation. Settlement offers. Going to parenting classes. Reading books. Feeling immediate panic when one of my kids fell off their bike. Or if they started misbehaving or fighting. Worried about the people I spent time with. Worried about the TV shows I let them watch, the music they listened to. Documenting every day I had with them. Counseling. Hour after hour talking to some close friends. Lawyer costs. Strategizing. Having to pay attention to every single communication with my XW, every interaction, every choice I made.
I needed to do it all. I truly believe that.
If I had to guess I'm feeling the release of all this tension and it's flooding out unpredictably at the moment.
Many big sports starts go into depression when they have won all there is to win.
You've just won the biggest battle of your life.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
My guess here U, is that biologically you had a level of stress and cortisol flowing through you for so long that your body adapted to it and it became normal. I wouldn't be surprised if your body randomly kicks out a little or you subconsciously look for a stressor to get back to baseline. It'll take time for the body to adjust. I've found myself doing this with anxiety over the years. I realize it on peaceful days when I tell myself, "I should be worried about x". No the F, I shouldnt, its just the body used to its new homeostasis.
I think Mumin may be on to something as well. You worked darned hard at what you had to do. You were driven, focused and now that battles over. Warriors long to go back to battle. Prisoners miss jail. Performers miss the rush of the stage. Your body may be missing the exhausting nature of the last few months.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
You are right to feel that way. Remember when we discussed how exhausted both of us were feeling a while ago? I think this is all part of that same process.
So much of this is mental. I believe the exhaustion is also mental - i feel it almost every day.
The challenge is to figure out how to calm your brain down. I cannot really help you there because I am still figuring out how to do this too.
But I can relate to what you're feeling.
This isn't easy but you're doing great. Take it easy on yourself, man.
I definitely need a few days to let things settle. My mind is spinning quite a bit which is causing me to use a lot of cognitive distortions. Intellectually I can see this process happening in real-time, I recognize what is going on, yet I feel powerless to stop it.
I definitely need a few days to let things settle. My mind is spinning quite a bit which is causing me to use a lot of cognitive distortions.
Yes - good idea. Whenever I feel this way, I use the "do nothing" approach - if I can help it. Sort of like letting the mind return to an equal baseline.
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Intellectually I can see this process happening in real-time, I recognize what is going on, yet I feel powerless to stop it.
The fact that you can step out of yourself enough to see it is a great sign. I am here too - sometimes I let my mind have the satisfaction of spinning a bit. Its a challenging habit to break - to stop completely. inevitably the spinning happens. But when I've had enough i say "stop - this is going nowhere" and I shut it down.
Doesn't work 100 percent of the time but its working more than it did. That might help you too.
