Cemar, you crack me up, and I know you don't mean to. I loved the "screen saver of my mind" comment. I know what you mean. Of course, I thought I was obsessed with sex, until I read about the hell that is your daily life. Sheesh, what church do you go to? Praise the Lord and pass the salt peter. It sounds like you need to tone it down a couple clicks. Have you thought about operant conditioning? Remember Pavlov's Dog's who salivated at the sound of a bell because it always rang right before they were fed? Maybe you should punch yourself in the crotch next time you think about sex. Eventually, it's got to have some sort of effect.
HD wrote: Maybe you should punch yourself in the crotch next time you think about sex. Eventually, it's got to have some sort of effect. ___________________________________________
For me, being told "NO" consistantly for 23 years has had the same effect. Cemar still wants to be hugged, kissed and loved by his W. He's still aroused by the body next to him in bed. Those were particularly hellish years for me, too.
Mojo, I could have written this post verbatim. Interesting the similarities in our situations!
Sounds like everything is going really well for you; I'm loving the updates!
In regards to the being on top, I share the same feelings. I like it and it feels good, but H has only come from that position once in all the years we've done it. I don't think it provides the intense thrusting that he prefers and I tire out after about 15 minutes of it. So my confidence re: this position is very, very low. The funny thing is...he asks for this position all the time and I usually try to get out of it! How lame is that. The reason is that I end up thinking that, while he likes it, he couldn't like it THAT much since his verbal and physical clues are not indicating that. I think what it does is give him some eye candy to use for later in the session when he is in control and can do it as fast as he likes. Then he can think back to what I looked like and really enjoy it. And there is NOTHING wrong with this! I am not sure what it is inside my mind that balks at this. But you are not only confronting yourself today, you are forcing me to think about issues that I need to address also.
Well then, HP, by all means get up there and do it. Instead of thinking that he's just storing up some eye candy, why not just think that he's trying to give you some pleasure? Maybe he's trying to prolong the session, too, since maybe he knows that you enjoy longer sessions than him, and that, as soon as he's done...well, he's done.
Just a question...have you ever tried it on top, but facing his feet instead of his head? Jeeze, if my W ever tried this, I would love it. Sigh.
hairdog, you took the words right out of my mouth. I was just about to suggest the same thing. Speaking from the male POV, I agree that the female-superior position does not offer me the kind of stimulation I "need", but I do love it. Since SHE is in control of the tempo, I generally "hold off" while in this position, and consider it "her time", and I do my best to provide the stimulation I think SHE would like. I also agree with hairdog that I've heard the feet-facing variation offers better stimulation for BOTH, although it does have the unfortunate side-effect of lacking the face-to-face connection, and a less-appealing view for both. I do like that variant as well, though. One thing I would VERY much like is to be able to sort of "sit up" (i.e. leaning against a headboard) while she straddles me, I think this would be HEAVENLY. However, we don't have a headboard...
Hey guys, Thanks for the technical input. I think that his initial reason for liking it is his "tiredness" and a desire to lay back and relax while enjoying the eye candy. That is FINE with me; I just wish that he physically enjoyed it more.
I did the feet-facing thing once and he was so....uncomfortable or freaked out or something that I have not tried it again. I asked him while we were doing it if he liked it and there was no response. I asked him afterwards if he liked it and silence, again. So I scrapped it. It wasn't that physically stimulating for me, so why keep it in the repertoire was my thinking!
Btw, the next day I was absolutely filled with shame and regret for even trying it. It sucks to put yourself out there sexually only to have the other person freak on ya.
In thinking about it, I am not sure why he has a hard time finishing this way. I am no slouch and can get pretty vigorous (I like the vigorous stuff myself, so it is not all for him) but he is just not either mentally or physically turned on enough. I think the fact that I am looking at him makes him feel weird, too. (I am always sitting up, or partially sitting up)
We have also done the him sitting up and me straddling him. This has never worked either. I do think that it is a mental thing with him and he "thinks" he can only do it one way or, rather, he prefers to do it that way so he unconsciously holds out for that.
What do you think about me saying one night: "This is the only way we are having sex tonight, so either enjoy yourself or wait til the next time." He thrives on ultimatums, so this is not sadistic of me! After all, you have to understand that I offer him very little by way of sexual challenges. He has to work for nothing so there is no motivation to challenge himself (under our current arrangement) to finish any other way than his preferred method (rear entry, hard and fast).
Ok, I've rambled on enough about this. Dang Mojo gets my mind in a whirl and then runs off!
Actually my main problem is that I have the tendency to want to lean back "in the saddle" like a rodeo cowboy which has caused my H to have to bounce me off with an "ouch-yowee" on a couple occasions. So I have to think too much about not doing that and it distracts me. I'm surprised he still is into it .
Honey- 15 minutes! You must have the inner thigh muscles of an olympic gymnast!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Yes, by the time I have exhausted myself in this position, I literally can't get my legs closed. Luckily that is a requirement for sex so it doesn't matter but it does not make me want to do this very often.
P.S. I'm telling you we are long lost twins cause I like to lean back too. Sometimes I will place my hands on his knees. He is the type who won't say "ouch" til he has tears in his eyes so I have never thought about the fact that I might be hurting him! More food for thought..
The answer for both HP and MM may be in the Liberator wedges. For someone who actually HAS sex, they are great for improving the angle and comfort level of female superior positions.
Mike - owner/non-user of the Liberator wedge system
I just invented a new way I'm going to try to do it based on recently starting doing Kegel exercises again. It's a slow method so I won't be tempted to "ride the pony" too roughly.
My new method:
1) Kneel above penis already rendered quite hard.
2) Lower self enough to just take in the head.
3) Squeeze as in kegel exercise.
4) Downstroke to the base.
5) Grind at the bottom.
6) Repeat as needed.
What do you think?
Gotta go buy my DD12 a bathing suit. Check you later
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
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