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Hi brother,

18 months..wow times flies.

Glad to see you fighting for your relationship with your children. Best thing I ever did.

My youngest is graduating high school this week. She was 5 when I was going through my custody battles.

I wish you well and keep doing the right thing even if it is hard.


R2C


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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LB55 Offline OP
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Thanks all. I had dinner with the kids last night and that went well. Not seeing them for 5 weeks and then having a fantastic time together as soon as we are reunited shows me that we will be ok no matter what happens.

Iím at peace with my decision to take this to court. Iím choosing to trust the process and pray for the best outcome for the kids and I.


Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
D Final 7/2020
Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
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LB55 ~ So glad to hear you finally got some time with your kids.

And even more happy for you that you are at peace with the process you are going to go through.

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Well everyone I owe an update on my situation, its been a while and things have been super busy.

My Divorce was finalized in late July. We came to a settlement and signed all the papers. I perhaps could have fought and got a bit more but I was tired of fighting and the kids needed it to be settled from my perspective. I'm very happy to have it in the past; still a few loose ends to tie up(she got the marital home and immediately stopped paying the mortgage; so now I've got my attorney working on that...more $$ but I have to protect my own credit).

I'm out looking to buy a house...hate being a renter. Came out of it with minimal debt, all will be paid off by October. So all in all I am happy with the outcome. It was such a stressor on my life and ability to move forward. I felt like I was held hostage by the legal end of it...every move was countered with more 'I'm the victim" stuff and then I would have to fight it again. I have the kids 3 weekends a month and that is the best I could support with my military duties at this time. I know it won't likely change in the future and i'm ok with that...I will have the best 3 weekends a month I can with them. Looking forward to lots of fishing, camping, hiking, bowling, cooking, visiting family, and spending time together in the coming years with the kids.

ExW is still just plowing through life with a full head of steam...moving in with BF from the internet and justifying to everyone with "look at me I am so awesome and going back to college and blah blah blah...college requires me to move closer and I am so fortunate that blah blah blah...would have had a 6 hour commute so this is best for everyone(it would have been 45 minutes but hey why not exaggerate...its the internet and they don't know shes making it up)" I can clearly see her for what she is at this time. A liar and not much else. It is as if she cannot help herself...she will lie about anything and everything. I don't get it and likely never will. Glad to be moving forward from this. I had to block her on all comms because she is getting more and more angry and it is all targeted at me. She can communicate with me via the court app regarding the kids to ensure everything is logged appropriately. She is still very childish and selfish and blames everyone else for her problems...by everyone else I mean blames me. Trying to protect myself and shield the kids from it at the same time can be tough.

At this point there is not much chance in my mind to have a new relationship with EXW...maybe she will eventually figure things out but right now she is a mess and I cannot help nor fix her. She has to crash and burn and figure out that her problems are her problems and her actions, reactions, and choices are what is causing her turmoil. I truly hope she does figure it out. It pains me to see her destroying herself but its part of the process and I will simply live my life the way I want to and enjoy my time with new friends, my kids, and myself.

Anyway that is what I happening in my world...don't get on here too much but I still check in to see how others are doing. Thanks to everyone who provided advice and encouragement throughout my situation. In real life I have been able to help a few others using things I have learned from this group. I have learned a ton and am definitely able to recognize unhealthy actions, mindsets, and toxic people right away and steer clear of bad situations. I have also learned to ask for what I want and be ok if what I want causes others to dislike me or my choices...in the past I usually just did what I thought everyone else wanted me to do...total NGS. I am re-reading that book again with different perspective to keep myself aware and not fall back into old habits.

For those just starting on this journey...it is long and arduous. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be many mis-steps along the way. Crazy plot twists and things that are simply designed to get a reaction out of you to see if youre still paying attention. Live your life...live it the way you'd like...if your spouse chooses to rejoin you...then you'll be happy...if they don't...then you'll be happy...this is because you've chosen to be happy with yourself and your life.


Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
D Final 7/2020
Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
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Great update LB!!! So glad to hear the worst is behind you and you are doing well, 😊 There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. xo


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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this is an awesome update, LB! Enjoy your time with your kids! I identify so much with what you say, that you truly do hope your ex can sort herself out. If nothing else then she will be a better mother as a result...

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Hi LB -

Good to hear from you. I'm glad for your sake things are settling down and you're finally able to get off the rollercoaster. I agree with you about the fighting - its just not worth it. Obviously you have to stand up for what's right but letting the angry party burn out without resistance is the best way to go.

At some point, if internet BF is real and the move in does happen, i would think the blame will shift to him. Its always projection because it is so much easier to blame others for one's problems than look within.

Maybe one day she does wake up, maybe not. Its sad, but there isn't much we can do.

Thanks again for all your wise words at the beginning of my situation. You helped me very much.

Take care - stay strong smile

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Originally Posted by IronWill


At some point, if internet BF is real and the move in does happen, i would think the blame will shift to him. Its always projection because it is so much easier to blame others for one's problems than look within.



Oh that is happening...as soon as the deed was signed to the house it is on the market and she is moved out. Moving from our nice 2500 sf home to her BF 1000sf home is gonna be quite a tight squeeze. She put the house on the market for $150k over valuation...just more delusions. Hasn't had one showing in the week it has been up.

Originally Posted by IronWill


Thanks again for all your wise words at the beginning of my situation. You helped me very much.



I am happy to have been able to provide some help!


Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
D Final 7/2020
Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
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LB - thanks for popping in with an update! Iím a few months behind you in the process but the similarities are striking. You sound strong and positive and Iím rooting for you. Your kids have an awesome dad.

The victim mentality may never leave her, but you are freeing yourself and that is priceless. The legal marathon takes an emotional and financial toll. Did you ever wonder why you had to spend so much money to get an outcome you probably could have hammered out at the kitchen table had she been reasonable?

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Originally Posted by unchien
Did you ever wonder why you had to spend so much money to get an outcome you probably could have hammered out at the kitchen table had she been reasonable?


I wondered that since the beginning of all this. Now that it is done it doesn't cross my mind much. It is in the past and there is nothing that will modify that so no reason to dwell upon it.

We went back and forth through attorneys with offers for months. I sent the first offer...she replied with a 75/25 split. So that is where we started.

She struggled to see the bigger picture...instead choosing to fight about a broken weedeater and some fish in the freezer. Anything that I wanted from the home was always a firm no. Our total asset value was near $2M btw.

The agreed upon support amount is much more manageable for me and I am able to recover financially fairly quickly. The initial hearing judge to set support amounts took her victim story hook line and sinker and gave her tons of money. I got a $3500/month 'raise' when the final papers were signed. All things that contribute to my ability to move forward and put my mind at ease.

Thanks for the awesome compliment! We root for each other here and that is what makes this forum great! Keep up the positive attitude and fight the good fight while looking out for your own sanity.


Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
D Final 7/2020
Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
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